Upright Simian

Moved..

2009-01-29T12:54:00.003+02:00

Because I am a dork and didn't put the link in here before... Uprightsimian has moved :)

If you still give a rat's ass about my stupid ramblings:

Marbles Behind the Sofa

they have more options for me... and besides Trace told me all the cool kids are on Livejournal.

Happy Xmas

2008-12-10T11:54:00.002+02:00

Xmas shopping almost complete. The earliest I have ever been ready!

And this was just too good not to post! I wonder what is wrong with our driving? - Thanks Amanda!

The incomparable Jack Black!

2008-12-04T12:09:00.002+02:00

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c0cf508ff8/prop-8-the-musical-starring-jack-black-john-c-reilly-and-many-more-from-fod-team-jack-black-craig-robinson-john-c-reilly-and-rashida-jones

Frickin Brilliant!!

Blah blah blah

2008-10-22T14:31:00.002+03:00

I have been trying to get my feet under me in my new job. So far so good :)
The last month has been a bit stressful and I haven't had time to really post much. Between starting the new job, having panic attacks that they will fire me (stupid insecurity must stop) and dealing with family health issues (Grandma is quite ill, Mom has more blockages in her heart and may need another bypass, Sister has neurological damage in her spine which affecting her hands, StepMom falling and hurting her knee -results of the MRI and decision about surgery to come -, da Finn needing an MRI and possible surgery on the left shoulder - damned rotator cuff ) and just general change of seasons crap..I have been up to my eyeballs in stress.

I must apologize for being out of contact with my dearest friends lately. I have no excuses just the explination above.

So shout out to SUG, Mel, K, D, Pia, Ange, Donna, Shawn, and all my other peeps.

Radio Silence

2008-09-09T15:49:00.003+03:00

Okay..so I took a month off from blogging. Not because I was exhausted or had nothing to contribute to the world (which is usually the case), but because i had so much bottled up inside me and I couldn't let any of it out without jeopardizing certain pans in certain fires.

End Radio Silence -

I officially gave notice at my firm on Monday. I was hemming and hawing about when to do it due to the potential giant karma doggie bite (which may still nip my patootie) by not telling them BEFORE taking advantage of a certain employee benefit of a week of lodging on the French Riviera in the company apartment. The debate was: If I tell them now - will they revoke my week in the sunny French South with 4 friends and da Finn thus causing 5 people to have spent some serious dosh on plane tickets to a place with no where to stay and thus making me dig around for a hotel room/house would have cost an astronomical amount of money and they would have all either beat me about the head and neck or made me pay them the money that they spent on their transpo??... With the fear of the karma pooch firmly in my brain (thanks K), I decided that I would not tell them until I came back from my holiday..

When I told K that my company didn't know, she warned me of the karmic payback on its way eventually..UNTIL I informed her that the reasons (aside from the primo offer I got) I had NOT told them were:

1. My fully paid summer holiday which was promised to me when I signed my contract never happened - thus the 1 week in June and 1 week in September - holy back to the US system Batman...save me
2. The position I was hired for I am STILL not doing
3. The emergency "short term" customer engagement I was asked to take (and being the good company girl I stepped up to the plate) which was only to last for 2 months tops.. - I AM STILL DOING
4. The 50% allocation that I have for that project is actually 5 people at 100% allocation worth of work and the customer will NOT pay overtime but expects me to get everything done.
5. After telling my boss I wasn't happy and this was not good (6 times I might add) - I was told that "I can't say No to the customer." and then proceeded to "sell" the other theoretical 50% of my open time to ANOTHER customer...which I shouldn't be in project work to BEGIN with!
6. Have I mentioned that I HATE being spoken about like a frakin horse? You don't "sell" me to anyone damn it!

After informing her of the 6 items above she assured me that the possibility of karmic chomping is minimal :)

So..I have accepted the offer officially from my soon to be new employer and I sign my contract this week. I am officially free from my current employer as of 24 September and start at the new joint 1 October. I have it in writing that my full summer holiday is guaranteed to me next summer and I can even take some winter time too! Did I also mention that this new job has Z-E-R-O project work and I am entering management? I will give more details on the job when I officially start as I don't want to tempt the gods into having something bad happen before then.

Okay..so the trip..

Ya know..I thought that when we landed in Nice that the part of my froggy heritage would come screaming to the forefront and I would have some sort of epiphany or swelling of familial pride...yeah..didn't happen. I kept waiting for it..and waiting for it...and...nada.. However! - some highlights:

- French people on scooters are frakin insane...and so are italian ones..Sure pass me on the left while I am taking a left turn..go right ahead you FREAK!

- NEVER have a 3 burner ceramic topped stove...ugh

- 2 balconies is ALWAYS a good thing

- When in the Cap Martin/Menton area - go to Italy for cheap wine..hey it is a 5 minute drive to the border

- The Mediteranian ocean is amazing

- French people in the area we were in are REALLY nice

- My french language skills are crap - and finally K and D believe me...I have been saying it for years..but now it is proven - thanks papa..

- K and D are really good cooks - despite a 3 burner ceramic topped stove

- In France poop is le poop...in Italy il poopo .... not really..but we had fun saying it

- Never try to get a car the size of an army tank into a parking spot in France unless you are parallel parking...oy vey

- We really ARE that funny

- The A8 is NOT as easy to find as you think when exiting the Nice airport - okay it probably is..but not for me...Look kids Parliment..Big Ben

- Dudes named Christophe who are waiters in Au Grand Inquisiteur rock

- DON'T drink the desert wine..unless you have NOTHING else

- K doesn't really like going down winding roads on the side of a mountain

- Finns have NO sense of distance and a freakin crazy if they expect me to walk up over 2000 steps in 29 degree Centigrade heat and 80% humidity..freaks ALL OF THEM!

- 7 euro for a beach chaise lounge all day is AWESOME

- The countryside and views in the area of Cap-Martin, Menton, La Turbie, Eze...all fabulous

- We are a curse to K and her ankles

- I haven't laughed that hard for that many days in a very long time

- The French Riviera in September is still H-O-T

I am sure there are TONS of things I am leaving out..but that is the general summary...

Absurdity

2008-08-01T12:28:00.002+03:00

Ya know when you were a kid and they told you never stare directly at the sun because you will go blind...

Well..I am not blind..but I have a lovely yellow dot right now in my field of vision. Silly me decided it would be a great idea to use my mobile phone as the reflective service for viewing the eclipse today...um..yeah..not gonna do that again. .

I am sure the dot will fade...however...I wonder how my eye doctor would react to me coming back and saying .."umm...er...I burned my retina..."

Then again..could I sue Nokia for making their N82 reflective and there by causing my "dot"?... Something absurd to ponder..

And on a lighter note..

2008-07-28T13:08:00.003+03:00

Since I went on a rant in my previous post, I figured I would lighten it up a bit.

Streakers hit Charles polo match

Three male
streakers invaded the pitch being watched by the Prince of Wales during an annual society polo event. The naked trio emerged from the grandstand during a match between England and Australia at the Cartier International event in Windsor.

Two returned to the stand but the third was cheered as he fled stewards and hurdled two metal barriers to escape. Prince Charles, who was overseeing the event in place of the Queen, watched the spectacle from the royal box.

The Cartier International, held at the Guards Polo Club within the
grounds of Windsor Great Park, is one of the most glamorous dates in the social calendar. Some 25,000 people attended the event, which took place on the hottest day of the year so far. The intervention of the streakers, who stripped off during the final chukka, temporarily halted play.

However, England went on to win 10-9 and lift the trophy.
England team captain Luke Tomlinson later said it was not the first time he had played in a match interrupted by naked intruders.

"You are so focused on the game you hardly notice. It brings a bit of
humour in and the crowd seem to enjoy it," he said.

Meanwhile, a spokeswoman for the club said: "I think it is the hot
weather and the Pimms to blame. These things happen."

I love Pimms..and it has been known to release some of my inhibitions as well.

I just love the British sense of humour.

The American Dream

2008-07-24T11:35:00.004+03:00

My ass!

I was just reading how the m inimum wage in the U.S. is going up to a whopping $6.55 (2.81€) an hour and ultimately in 2009 (yes 2009) it will be an astounding $7.25 (3.11€) an hour. The idea that this amount of money will even support 1 person let alone a family is beyond me!

For example:

In 2006, the median monthly rent in Massachusetts was $933 per month. Now, MA is 5th on the list of rents (Hawaii, California, New Jersey, and Maryland are higher). However:

6.55 X 40 hours of work = $1034.90 BEFORE TAXES
Factor in State and Federal Taxes, FICA and let's just chop about 30% off that which leaves you a total of: $724.43

Of which you need to:
Pay rent
Buy Food
Utility Bills (electric, gas, etc)
Transportation (T pass - metro card for you Finns) - don't even THINK about a car
Health insurance - yeah like you can afford THAT..

Now..if the AVERAGE rent is $933 a month in the great state of MA, how can one even remotely expect to live on that minimum wage?Let alone feed themselves, clothe themselves, transport themselves to that job which doesn't even allow them enough to pay their rent?

Oh and then the the economists and small business state: "But if we raise the minimum wage, we will be forced to pass on the added expense to the consumers.."

BITE ME!

The 2007-2008 poverty threshold was measured according to the HHS Poverty Guidelines:
Persons (in the family unit) Annual Income threshold
1 $10,400
2 $14,000
3 $17,600
4 $21,200

so for each additional person add $3600.

The richest country in the world and they are saying that 1 person is in poverty if they make less than 10,400 bucks a year...well with the minimum wage hike, that lovely 1 person is now not in poverty!

WHAT A JOKE!

Simplicity -

2008-07-23T10:19:00.001+03:00

This song has just captivated me lately. It is deceptively simple..but sheesh..i love it..

RIP Funny Lady

2008-07-22T22:01:00.003+03:00

Sadly, the entertainment industry lost the great comedy actress Estelle Getty today.

As Sofia:

Out of the makeup:

Lesbo Lesbo Lesbo Llllllesbo!!!

2008-07-22T18:50:00.002+03:00

Let me say that again..LESBO! (now that I won't be banned from saying it)

This just was too precious NOT to post (thanks MSNBC):

Greek court rules lesbians not just from Lesbos
Island residents asked for a ban on use of 'lesbian' to describe gay women

ATHENS - A Greek court has dismissed a request by residents of the Aegean island of Lesbos to ban the use of the word lesbian to describe gay women, according to a court ruling made public on Tuesday.

Three residents of Lesbos, the birthplace of the ancient Greek poetess Sappho whose love poems inspired the term lesbian, brought a case last month arguing the use of the term in reference to gay women insulted their identity.

In a July 18 decision, the Athens court said the word did not define the identity of the residents of the island, and so it could be validly used by gay groups in Greece and abroad.

The ruling ordered the plaintiffs to pay court expenses of $366.2.

"This is a good decision for lesbians everywhere," Vassilis Chirdaris, lawyer for the Gay and Lesbian Union of Greece, told Reuters. "A court in Athens could not stop people around the world from using it. It was ridiculous."

He said the plaintiffs were free to appeal the decision in a higher court.

Lesbos, which lies just off the Turkish Coast, has become a gathering spot for gay women from around the world, especially at the village of Eressos which is regarded as the birthplace of the poet in the 7th century B.C.

Several residents testified during the trial that the use of the word lesbian had brought recognition to the island and boosted its tourist trade.

Conversations with my SUG leads to..

2008-07-18T10:39:00.003+03:00

..random photos being shown to me by my Finnish workmates.

So Sug and I were chattin' last night and in our unique way of communicating through diggs and jibes, I actually told her that I could contain myself and not be star struck around major hollywood movie types if I were to ever get a chance to be on the set of a movie she is producing at any time in my life. She then brings up one of my favorite actresses. I extolled my virutes of patience and decorum...yaddayadda...she wasn't buyin'

Flash forward to work this morning - my workmate asks if I have seen a particular picture which was in the newspaper on Wednesday. I reply no I haven't.

I must now state with absolute certainty, I would never be able to not be gobsmacked if I ever met this woman... SUG..you were right..

If this is 63...HOLY WOW!! And not 1 stitch of plastic surgery..

Go Spy Daddy!

2008-07-17T10:43:00.002+03:00

Okay, I know I am a geek. I also have a penchant for seriously loving corny stuff. Yes, I cry at Hallmark commercials - however not recently as Hallmark isn't in Finland..

There is just something that warms my heart seeing Spy Daddy do this..

Oh..and for the record, I actually like this show.

There I said it.

The wheels on the bus go round and round.

2008-07-11T10:20:00.004+03:00

I don't know why I am slightly surprised by this:

Rove ignores subpoena, refuses to testify
The former White House adviser could face contempt charges as a result

You can click on his ugly mug to get the story.. UGH!

Slippery Slope

2008-07-10T10:57:00.002+03:00

As most of you who know me are aware, I am an unashamed, bleeding heart, tree hugging, liberal in most senses. In other areas it can sometimes seem to me that a mini-republican has invaded parts of my thought processes and I have to actively struggle against those tendencies. Lately, I have heard myself utter words that I never thought I would hear come out of my mouth. Things like:

"Those damned alcoholic bastids need to stop using their unemployment, which my tax money pays for damn it, to by booze. Cut them all off! Make them get a job and contribute to society for crying out loud!"

"Stupid people who live off unemployment need to get off their asses and get a fucking job already. I am tired of paying taxes out the ass to support a family of 435 people who are fully capable of working!"

It brings such a disturbing level of shame to myself to hear my own voice utter such broad statements of intollerance and well...conservativism.

And then I come across something like this:

New Police Chief Wants Everyone's Fingerprints
Published 09.07.2008, 07.14
Source: YLE

Finland's new National Police Commissioner Mikko Paatero wants police to have access to a controversial national fingerprint database being planned for passport identification purposes.

In an interview with the newspaper Aamulehti, Paatero said that the planned fingerprint database would be an excellent investigative tool for the police.

Current plans call for all passport applicants to be fingerprinted no later than as of next June. If implemented, this means in practice that the fingerprints of nearly all Finnish adults will be on record within the next ten years.

An Interior Ministry task force is in charge of formulating the details of the new database. Plans already do include its use in the investigation of serious criminal offences and in the identification deceased persons and disaster victims.

Finland's Data Protection Ombudsman Reijo Aarnio is opposed to the establishment of the fingerprint database. He says that potential mistakes and misuse could cause serious problems for citizens. Aarnio believes that criminals will still be able to mislead the police by leaving fake prints at the scenes of crimes.

A final decision on setting up the fingerprint database will be taken by Parliament.

There are those people who say that if you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to worry about. What about personal privacy?!? What is next, a Finnish version of the Patriot Act??!

Ouch..

2008-07-09T18:21:00.002+03:00

That would be the sound my wallet screaming in pain. Getting older suxors. Suxors to the tune of (as of today's exchange rates)611buckaroos to you the faithful masses who read my blog (all 6 of you most likely).

I finally found glass frames (sort of). Of course they are framelss bendable jobbers which will hopefully extend their lives in my treacherous care, but jesus h. christ on a pogo stick!

So in 3-4 weeks, my glasses/not glasses will be ready and I will be able to go get them..

they look someting like this...

At last..

2008-07-07T10:05:00.002+03:00

and I am not talkin about Etta James.

2 1/2 years after moving into our flat and after saving some serious dosh, these are finally in..

Talky or no talky?

2008-06-27T14:48:00.003+03:00

Okay..so I have been debating something in my head - and sometimes out loud with myself which really freaks people out - about whether or not I might start putting talky blog posts on here.

Now..this is a very delicate subject. A talky blog requires I can and will actually be able to speak coherently and also will kind of remove my "anonymity" and actually lend a voice to my rantings.

It may also open me up to all kinds of stalker types. I am not so sure I am ready for that. I do fully expect the slamming flames and the usual cracks about my Rick Springfield hair (still growing it out SUG)and nasty comments on the virtues or lack there of regarding my looks, fashion sense (or lack there of), and what overall makes me me. However, it would actually allow me to explore the whole video making/editing thing on my phone and also my webcam.

...ugh..indecision is killing me.. I wonder if I can do a talky blog without actually using MY face...oooohhh..now THAT just brings up a whole Conan-esque thing...

hmmmm...thoughts?

HA!

2008-06-26T10:05:00.002+03:00

more cat pictures

RIP FUNNY MAN

2008-06-24T10:52:00.002+03:00

The world lost a true genius. The following 10min video is his famous 7 words you can't say on TV. He always pushed the the envelope and made people really take a look at how we can take ourselves WAY too seriously.

and additionally...

Me and my optic nerve

2008-06-06T10:50:00.003+03:00

So yesterday I went to the opthamologist. It had been about 10 years since I last went to the eye doctor due to seeing halos around stuff (que twilight zone music). My eye doctor in the States did an eye exam and informed me that I was developing about an 18 inch focal point (almost precisely the distance from the end of my nose to my computer monitor/laptop screen) and that I needed to take a few breaks each day during work and alter the focus of my vision to relieve the stress on the muscles in my eyes. Due to working so much without breaks, my eyes were getting really fatigued and by the end of the day the eyes were so tired that the way they did something (insert big latin word that I can't pronounce here) wasn't as efficient and that is why the light refraction around objects like tail lights, reflective surfaces etc appeared to have a sort of halo effect.

10 years later, I notice I am starting to get headaches more often and a bit of acheing in my eye sockets at the end of the day.

So, I make my appointment and go. First, let me say the doctor was very very nice and incredibly professional and smaaaaaaht. He goes through the whole look here, is this blurry, put your chin here and look through this yaddayadda. He then gets to the dialating my eyes so he can take a pressure reading (GROSS) and look at the gooey parts inside with is magic machine (ick!). It really was a surreal experience. He puts the drops in my eyes and says: "Okay we are going to wait about 10 minutes and then really take a look."...he then proceeds to ask me about the whole Democratic nomination thing - the States' elections are being watched with great interest here by many people..

Right..pupils the size of plates and we are ready to continue.. Right eye - pressure good, gooey parts where they should be. Left eye - pressure good, gooey parts where they should be and something EXTRA where it shouldn't be.

Long and short of it:
1.) The protective film over my eyes is way too thin to keep out the goop and crap in the air and I have a happy whole year supply of some sort of medicated drops.
2.) I need glasses - stigmatism in both eyes (not bad luckily)and that pesky 18inch focal point is even more pronounced - spectacles here I come..

and the kicker..

3.) I have a "tumor" (his words not mine)in my left eye very close to the optic nerve and about 3mm from an important blood vessel. Now I freaked out like mad when he told me this. TUMOR!??! WHAT??!! Deep breaths and he tells me that it is not very common, however it does not appear to be malignant. Now I need to go to some special eye place and have them take a picture of the inside of my eye (DOUBLE GROSS!) and also see an opthamologist every year to monitor it because if it grows at all it could press on my optic nerve or cause blood flow problems and we all know the result of that. On the other hand if that happens it would give a legitimate reason to wear an eye patch and then I could talk like a pirate every day :)

Did I mention that dialation of the pupil makes it IMPOSSIBLE to read or be in bright light without searing pain to my head? of course I had to have this done when we have 18 frakin' hours of sunlight!!!

Sing with me now:
I wear my sunglasses at night..

It Never ceases to...

2008-06-02T12:40:00.002+03:00

piss me off at how much time I waste at the Office of Unwashed Masses (a.k.a. The Foreigner's Police Station in the Malmi section of Helsinki).

Last Thursday the UVI (immigration office) called da Finn to let have her tell me my permanent residency permit was at last finished processing (8 frakin' months later) and that I needed to drop off my passport so they could apply the auto-go-magic sticker to it and that I would need to leave the passport there for a few days. Okay..how long does it take to smack a sticker on the thing for chrissake?

Seriously..I got to the office at 8am (when they open)..the line was already 345433 people long. So I wait my turn for the deli-counter style number dispenser to give me my holy-grail of numbers only to find out that the queue which *I* need to be in doesn't open until 9am and the button is disabled until then. All the people who want the queue that I want have now lined up in front of the dispenser and will not go anywhere unitl 9. So..by the time I get in the right queue, I am number 16. I then have to wait again until the office I need to go to is open at 9 AND wait for the 15 people in front of me to be served. Did I mention there is no free wi-fi in that joint either..so I couldn't even get any work done while waiting!!!

1 hour later, ::bong:: E16 is up on the display. I get up and go to the office and hand the woman my passport stating my purpose for being there. She proceeds to put a yellow sticky on my passport, print out a document and tell me I have to come back in a few days to pick up the passport.. Soooo I have to go through this ALL OVER AGAIN!!!

..on the bright side, only 2 more trips to the land of the unwashed masses for me and then I have citizenship...hopefully...

Donna Reed, Bastard, DUCK!

2008-05-22T12:13:00.002+03:00

Right..so I am hopefully going to be submitting my citizenship application fairly soon (depending on when the frakin' permanent residency permit is finished processing..but that is a horse of a different colour). Whilst going over the application, and being sure of satisfying all of the requirements: Crazy? (check), Pay insane taxes (Check), etc, - I came across the section asking for my parents' information. This info was asked on all of my residency permits too..except when I went past the standard portion of Name, where they live, country of citizenship, date of birth etc..there is another section (2.3) asking:

Ovatko edellä mainitut vanhemmat keskenään avioliitossa tai ovatko olleet? • Är de ovannämnda föräldrarna sinsemellan gifta eller har de varit sinsemellan gifta?
Kyllä, vihkimispäivä ja -valtio
Ja, vigseldatum och stat ___________________________________

Ei • Nej

Eronneet, avioeropäivä ja -valtio
Frånskilda, datum för skilsmässa, stat ___________________________________

Now, I realize wanting to know where my parents live, nationality, and date of birth, is standard (wouldn't want me bring over unsavory types after obtaining the brass ring of being a citizen of Suomi) but what the hell do they care about;

a: Are my parents are still maried - their wedding date and what country - who gives a flying frak in a donught hole?
b: If they are not married (and I am a bastard...well I am a bastard, but not in THAT sense)
c: Are my parents are divorced - the date they divorced, and in what country - see snarky comment from item "a"

I can just picture this conversation:
"Mum..um..ya know that guy you were married to for 11 years, still can't stand to be in the same room with him 30 years later, refuse to call him by his name and just refer to him as "THAT Man" when the topic of my paternity comes up?...Um..er..what is the date of your divorce?"

So..either it is Donna Reed, I am a Bastard or I better really duck fast after asking Mum that gem...although I suppose it will just be an ear chewing considering I am 5000 miles away :)

IMPEACH!!

2008-05-21T09:45:00.004+03:00

Before you get all pissy and say "But Fusche..you live in Europe and pay taxes there." - I still have a right to be outraged. My folks - who should be retired by now damnit, but can't due to healthcare insurance needs - my brothers, my sister, my cousins, my friends, etc are all presently footing this cost.. This is a disgrace.

One step forward..

2008-05-16T09:04:00.003+03:00

48 to go!

Next to go DOMA

Here's to being an optimist.

Fuggedda 'bou dit..

2008-05-13T10:48:00.002+03:00

SO I was reading my daily dose of vapid entertainment news and I noticed that Dennis Farina got arrested.. How stupid can one be? I have to admit, that everytime I have seen him, my first thought is "made man". Then I read..he used to be a cop for 20 years.. Hell-ay's sunshine and dinners at Mr. Chow must have addled his brains..

This got me thinking about mobsters. Modern 'merican history is rife with tales of the modern day mob. I will admit, one of my favorite movies is Goodfellas. "What am I a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? Funny? Funny how?" BANG! - gotta love Joe Pesci. Then my mind wandered to my new country and it's history of "mobsters" (organized crime).

Here is a breakdown of the the organized crime families in the States (the list is long..feel free to just skim):
New YorkFive Families
Bonanno, Colombo, Gambino, Genovese, Lucchese
Buffalo crime family ( AKA The Arm )
Morello crime family (extinct)

New Jersey
DeCavalcante crime family

Chicago
The Chicago Outfit, Genna crime family (extinct)

Pennsylvania
Scarfo crime family (Philadelphia) ,Bufalino crime family, Pittsburgh crime family

New England
Patriarca crime family

Cleveland
Cleveland crime family, Porello gang (extinct)

California
Los Angeles crime family
San Francisco crime family (later incorporated in the Los Angeles crime family as a crew)
San Diego crime family (later incorporated in the Los Angeles crime family as a crew)
San Jose crime family (later incorporated in the Los Angeles crime family as a crew)

New Orleans
New Orleans crime family

Missouri
St. Louis crime family

Kansas City
Kansas City crime family

Florida
Trafficante crime family

Detroit
The Detroit Partnership ( AKA The Combination )

Seattle
Colacurcio crime family (alleged) - the "alleged" cracks me up

Wisconsin
Milwaukee Crime Family

Finnish Organized Crime:
The Obtshak, a consortium of the Estonian Mafia and Russian Mafia holds a prostitution monopoly in Finland. They may also employ Finns as "minders", that is, gangsters.
There are a few motorcycle gangs as well..but let's face it...the Ruskies and Estonians are the predominate ones and they are in cahoots. 1 frickin' consortium? Sheesh. Fuggedda 'bout dit..

I then took a look at the crime statistics in Finland. For a country whos citizenry firmly believe that Finland is a relatively safe country (and for the most part it is: (per wiki) In Finland, 101 crimes per 1,000 people are reported annually, which is third highest in the world. Finland also has the highest homicide rate per capita in Western Europe being three times that of Switzerland for example.

I read this statistic and I was thinking to myself: HOLY CRAP! Then I took into account:
US total population as of July 2007 - 301,139,947
FI total population as of July 2007 - 5,238,460

...just a rambling thought today...

Getting my Geek on..

2008-05-02T09:35:00.002+03:00

For those of you who know me, know I am a geek. Seriously..a geek of EPIC proportions (for a girl) in some ways. Needless to say, having moved to the land of Santa and Reindeer has caused my geek to morph in a few ways but for the most part I am still a big -ole - sci-fi/fantasy loving G-E-E-K.

My friend Kati has been enjoying the hospitality of the Sunshine State for about 3 months now on a research fellowship with a university there (back in July). We are in email contact and have been having interesting conversations on the finer points (both good and bad) of the red, white, and blue culture (specifically in the south) - bagels(good), vapid small talk(bad), a gazillion choices in the supermarket to feed your junk food addiction(good and bad), 8796 channels of television - in particular the SciFi channel (GOOD! GOOD! GOOD!). Now, Kati is a member of the geek patrol as well - one can't be a geneticist and NOT be a member. I think it has something to do with using long scientific words in your work being an auto-go-magic membership getting factor.

So, I get an email from Kati 2 weeks ago lamenting that her social interactions have been a bit strained/difficult and she believes she has succeeded in offending people at every turn. For those of you who aren't familiar with Finnish culture, I will briefly explain a finer point of said culture - as much as this is a generalization and I mostly hate them, most any Finn will agree with the following assesment of their beloved Finnishness - Finns don't do small talk. Actually Finns really dislike small talk and as a result are not very good at it - unlike Americans. Now, an American will go around the block and speak to you for 5 minutes without really saying anything until they feel comfortable enough to ask you what they really wanted to ask you (after all the questions about how you are, how is the family, isn't the weather lovely..etc). A Finn will just come right out and ask you - full stop. If a Finn wants to know something they will ask you and it is a real question - if they ask you how you are, they really want to know and the obligitory "good and you?" answer isn't really what they are after. Needless to say, there can be a bit of confusion or perception of rudeness of a Finn because of their inability to do the small talk thing and answer your question directly. This has led to Kati feeling she has offended everyone in the Uni by being direct and honest - I informed her that she should NOT learn to be disingenuous but possibly be a bit more understanding of the cultural difference - it is a 2 way street after all..but I digress... (as usual)

Okay..so in that email, Kati mentioned how she is enjoying a nice glass of wine and that Battlestar Galactica(BSG) is about to start so she is sort of in a heaven of sorts :)

Now..I must admit that I think I have some geek demerits on my record at this point because I hadn't seen the new BSG at all. I was one of those die-hard original series fans and didn't want to watch another re-make of a series that I loved as a young adult which I felt would disappoint me. A fact which I relayed to Kati.

The following weekend, her sister Satu sends a text message that she has Season 1 and Season 2 on DVD from Kati's flat here in Helsinki for me to watch. Kati had emailed her sister and asked her to drop by her house and bring them to me. Talk about a sweet thing to do! Now, my 'merican cultural upbringing obligates me to watch at least the mini-series introduction to the new BSG..it would be rude not to right?

2 Words: FRAK ME!

I must say..I have been really pleasantly surprised.

One thing...not so sure about Starbuck being a chic. - Disclaimer - my feminist-comfortable shoe wearing sensibilities LOVE that there is some eye-candy that isn't vapid and forgetable... HOWEVER...Starbuck (go Dirk!)was one of my favorite characters from the original series and I am having a hard time with the fact that it is a girl...

Flickr

2008-04-24T14:49:00.001+03:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Cheese with my whine..

2008-04-16T09:33:00.002+03:00

Okay..briefly - I have discovered that muscle groups which I thought had become extinct on my squishy out of shape anatomy are indeed still present. How do I know this? Because of the agnonzing protests they inflict upon me with every move.

I have begun training again. I decided to branch out from traditional martial arts and try something different.. Krav Maga..

Ouch…

Schooled by Master Po (a.k.a. Sug)

2008-04-16T09:27:00.001+03:00

Sug's comment was too good NOT to post as it's own entry...

"They're Gangster Tough which is its own breed and his hair is downright funky.

See, grasshopper, there are different types of tough:

Gangster Tough: DeNiro, Pacino, Samuel L. Jackson

Cop Tough: (Similar but a little different) Bruce Willis, Charles Bronson, James Garner

Crazy Tough: Mel Gibson (Lethal Weapon, Mad Max), Kurt Russell ("Escape from..." franchise)

Cowboy Tough: Clint Eastwood, Clint Walker, John Wayne, Christian Bale,

Soldier Tough: (Similar to cowboy) Lee Marvin, Kirk Douglas, Russell Crowe

Unexpected Tough / Reluctant Hero (rises to the challenge): Harrison Ford, Viggo Mortensen, Hugh Jackman, Jackie Chan, Will Smith

Cartoon Tough: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sly Stallone

Stately / Biblical Tough: Charleton Heston, Richard Burton,

There are others - I could go on and on like Spies (toys and slick martial arts): Jet Li, Daniel Craig,

Now you'd never see Chuck Heston playing Snake Plissken (Russell) and you'd never see DeNiro as the Man With No Name in Pale Rider but they are all Tough Guys.

Here endeth the lesson. "

Unabashedly..skeptical

2008-04-10T11:02:00.005+03:00

I am unabashedly a HUGE fan of both DeNiro and Pacino. Blame it on me seeing Raging Bull, The Godfather, Scirpico, Dog Day Afternoon, Taxi Driver, The Deer Hunter, Casino, Heat,Wag the Dog, Scent of A Woman...and the list goes on. These 2 men are icons of the tough guy genre.

So..in September this hits theatres:

I do have one question though...WTF is up with Al's hair? Is it just me or have the hair & makeup people really been HORRIBLE with his locks lately. 88 minutes..HORRIBLE hair.. (not a really great movie either..but it was Al and I HAD to see it)...

The cast also includes: Brian Dennehy, Mark Wahlberg, John Leguizamo (a highly under-rated actor)...and ugh 50 Cent..

I don't have high expectations, but if you get a chance..watch the trailer and tell me if I am wrong to be skeptical of this movie.

Have my 2 favorite tough guys reached the point of needing to gracefully step back from the in-your-face type of tough guy and now moved into the realm of stately tough guy who doesn't have to do a damn thing to make you quake in your shoes?

I think the answer is yes

Christ on a bike

2008-04-08T12:46:00.003+03:00

As if screaming babies, cramped(read: NO) leg room, bad stuff loosely described as "food", and a seat that reclines a mere 4 centimeters wasn't bad enough?

Now THIS to make your life that much more enjoyable at 30,000 feet...

I can see it now:

Int. PLANE:
Man:
"WHAT?!...Plane!...I AM ON THE PLANE!"

SMASH CUT TO:

Fusche being escorted off the plane by the burly local constabulary of the destination city. MAN follows behind with blood oozing from his nose holding an icepack to his now blackened eye.

FADE

uh oh oh oh oh...

2008-04-04T17:20:00.002+03:00

Things which should stay in the 80's

Big Hair
Pegged Jeans
Polo Cologne

and...THEM

Never mind that Donny and his little (then less famous) brother Mark (or Marky Mark as he was known then)..moved to Braintree (where I lived) and made the traffic a nightmare - all the little teenage girls who could drive were driving around looking for their house..

I know what you are gonna say: "But Fusche, you LOVE 80's music! You have written about your love of 80's music multiple times." Yes, Yes I do and have..but I couldn't stand them THEN and I am definitely NOT interested in hearing anything from them now. I have never been a fan of boy bands...EVER. Give me a band that actually has members which can play an instrument and doesn't focus their music to 12-16 year old screaming teenyboppers any day.

..it just makes me feel old...

Speaking of..I remember going to see Matchbox 20 (before they were very successful) at the Orpheum in Boston with Sug one night and we were seated in the nose bleed balcony section. Now the Orpheum's balcony is one of the most rickety horrible places to be even if the band is great..however, we were sitting there and Rob Thomas comes out to do his accustic thing and starts playing What's Goin' On There are Beth and I groovin' one of the best songs EVER written when this little teenage girl (probably about 15) just made us feel like her grandma. It went something like this

Teenybopper(all swoony and screechy turns to us): "Is this their new song??! I LOVE IT!"

Beth and I look at each other with THAT look ..you know the one

Beth (very patiently): "No, this is "What's Goin' On" by Marvin Gaye."

Teenybopper(with confused look): "Who is Marin Gaye?"

Beth and I just are gobsmacked

Me (irritated and feeling QUITE OLD): "Nevermind"

WHO IS MARVIN GAYE!?!? What are you STUPID!?!?! Marvin Gaye is baby makin' music you pubecent piece of screeching garbage!...

Fudge..only I didn't say fudge

2008-03-31T16:21:00.002+03:00

..bonus points if ya get THAT reference..

So the bank that we use was bought by a Danish bank (no glaze please), and over the weekend they "re-vamped" their webbank services...well let me tell you this..

THEY SUCK!

Why in the hell would I wanna pay interest on interest you stupid mo-fo's!? Oh and who's bright idea was it to take away the next bill information on my accounts (master card and personal credit line)? I like to know what my bill is before that stupid paper one comes in the mail..and I like to pay it before I get that stupid paper so I can have the self satisfied feeling of tossing the fricking thing out without even having to open it!

Oh..and now i can't figure out in advance the interest deduction on my taxes before the end of the year because they don't itemize the frickin list so I know how much interest was paid...BASTARDS!!!!

Did I mention that I can't even find if they have my standing investment order still in effect??! I mean I realize I am no Bill Gates here...but my paltry sum that goes into my investment account every month has slowly been gathering a few bucks here and there..and in the long term it will be good to have that kind of savings when I give up work life...and now I can't even tell if it is gonna go on the 15th as it used to..

Oh ..and don't even get me started on the fact that our mortgage is due tomorrow and we have no idea what the frickin bill is. We could always see that on-line and make sure that the mortgage money was in the joint account for the auto-go-magic withdrawal..now..no such luck....

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Duuuhh..I couldda told ya

2008-03-25T13:57:00.001+02:00

What everone already knows..

I personally vote for the worst..

Must....get...skyone....

2008-03-20T14:07:00.003+02:00

I am HUGE Terry Pratchett fan.

The Colour of Magic
Tim Curry as Trymon?! Brilliant! Jeremy Irons as Vetinari!?!? ..Again Brilliant!
Sir David Jason as Rincewind?!?...oh holy hell

Can you say torrent??? ..oh..and a geek too?

In all honesty, Terry Pratchett is one of the few authors that have made me laugh OUT LOUD while reading his work. The man is genius. It is sad that he is now ill, but what a body of work!

Resistance is Futile

2008-03-10T11:00:00.003+02:00

..my sug has a blog... :)

Sometimes it is really rough having one's best friend live 7000 miles away with a time diff of 10 hours... Haven't seen SUG in over a year..wicked bummer... Aside from being one of the most cerebrally funny people in the world, she is a pretty darn good Sug to have in your corner when it comes to ANYTHING... We have noticed between us however, that we don't like women very much. Odd statement coming from a softball playin' member of the pink triangle team...but seriously. We can't really stand many women. -I also use to many tripple dot's when trying to express my opinion, but I digress- I personally think it is because we don't suffer infantile and dramatic behavior lightly and the fact that we are just THAT smahhht and funny. What is worse is those women who THINK they are smart and so chic and cool..and AREN'T.

What I think would make the world tilt on its axis, altering life as we know it, is if my SUG, myself, K & D, Mel & Laura, Mira, Michael, and Leb all ended up in the same place at the same time. OH HOLY CONVERGENCE OF THE MEDULLA OBLONGATA POWER PANTHEON BATMAN! - It is disturbing sometimes to think that my favorite people in the world have never met...they just hear about each other from my many many stories.

I have known my SUG since 1993..and I can honestly state that even though I am now 7000 miles away in the land of the frozen north, my Sug will always be my best mate..and i couldn't be prouder to call her friend or call her at 4 am drunk. I seriously think we share the same brain at times.

If you are lucky enough to have a friend that you can be sitting with at a restaurant or in a cafe people watching, drinkin' a Dunkies or just driving around- look at each other give the arched eyebrow and the sardonic smirk - You don't have to say a word..because you both share a brain and have had the exact same thought at the exact same time. The ensuing fit of hysterical laughter and one liners makes your tummy muscles hurt from shaking with mirth.. - Then you my dear reader are one lucky bastid.

I know I am.

Getting my back up!

2008-03-03T10:55:00.004+02:00

Where does censorship begin and the right to freedom of speech stop? Recently I have been following items in the news here in Finland over the last few months about an art exhibit being closed, another artist and Time's" Photagrapher of the Year" for 2001 was investigated after a complaint by 7 individuals said that the photographs were an offence against human dignity, website links being blacklisted on the premis of childpornography (which does not contain them btw) and most recently, my friend Phil having a lawsuit filed against him by a filmmaker/publisher for libel due to Phil's blog containing posts and comments about him which he finds insulting and also blaming Phil for the downward turn of his publishing business. (You can read all about it on Phil's blog)

At which point does the line get drawn between freedom of speech and outright sensorship? If someone breaks a law then they have broken a law and most people will say that they need to bear the consequences of their illegal behaviour. However - what would have happened and where would, for example, the US be without Rosa Parks, or Brown v. Board of Education? Rosa defied the "whites only" rule and segregation laws and became the mother of the modern-day civil rights movement in the US - it was ILLEGAL for her do do what she did and the US is a better place for it.

It is my understanding that Finland is a country of freedom of speech which their veterans fought for. A free and independent Finnish State. Where is it illegal for someone to present the facts of their life (in the instance of Mr. Vanhanen's ex-girlie) in a public way? Mr. Vanahnen is sueing Ms. Ruusunen and the publisher for illegally "revealing and spreading private information". According to many sources (and I haven't read the book and have no desire to) - " The narrative of the book is dominated by text messages between Ruusunen and the prime minister.." - Sooo..he writes these things to his girlfriend, she decides to share them and he cries foul. WHATEVER! My opinion is that he, being a politician, is trying to save his bacon - and no amount of - I am filing this as a private citizen and not the Prime Minister - statements will change my mind. Who really gives a crap in the woods what his relationship with this woman was like...certainly not I. However...the point is... why can't she reveal facts about her life..which happen to include him..if she has the text messages from him to prove it factual..then..what is the issue..OH RIGHT..his career..

Art sensorship because of offence to human dignity?? What about Picasso?!??! Some would state that his depiction of women is offensive to the dignity of women. What about pornography?..some would say that pornography is offensive to the dignity of both men and women.. Where does the line get drawn?... Slippery Slope my friends...

And as for Phil's situation - I firmly believe that the filing party will get his whining butt spanked in court..but it is seriously disturbing when the sueing culture which is prevelant in the States makes it to Finland. Freedom of Speech is Freedom of Speech - Ms. Ruusunen is publishing precisely what Mr. Vanhanen wrote..and not some made up tale of what he didn't write. The Artists mentioned here are precisely that..artists, the blocked website was actually one protesting censorship (convenient it was blocked eh?)...and Phil's blog is his experiences and views on Finnish life...

again I ask..where is the line?....

Not just for queens..

2008-02-08T14:49:00.000+02:00

Oh my goodness! Must get to Vegas! Go DIVA(s) go! I think I might have apoplexy if I were able to go..3 Divas...I think I am channeling my inner gay boy

From the BBC!

Cher signs up for Las Vegas run

Cher said she was "happy and proud" to
announce her returnUS singer Cher is to return to the stage for a three-year
engagement at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas.
Cher's 200-show run - which alternates with performances from Bette Midler and Sir Elton John - begins on 6 May at the 4,300-seat Colosseum.
"I started in Vegas at Caesars so I've come
full circle," the 61-year-old said. "I'm back, and I plan to give my fans the
best experience yet."
"I think everybody knows I only do things in a big
way," she added.
'Captivating' The all-new concert will feature 18 dancers and aerial performers, costumes by designer Bob Mackie and "dazzling" special effects.
The show will play four nights a week, with ticket prices
ranging from $95 to $250 (£48 to £128).
"Cher's name in one word
encapsulates icon, award-winning legend and captivating performer," said Caesars
Palace president Gary Selesner.
Last year Celine Dion completed a mammoth
five-year engagement at the Colosseum, built especially to house her A New Day
concert. Midler's concert, entitled The Showgirl Must Go On, opens at
Caesars Palace on 20 February

Nail biter

2008-02-05T14:11:00.000+02:00

Okay..I am practically down to the nubs here...Super Tuesday is here...Tuesday’s free-for-all is killing me as 43 contests in 24 states allocate 3,156 delegates!

I tried to come up with something witty..but I just can't right now...

except..I am trying to get a friend a job at my company...gotta up the sappho quotient here :)

Expensive piece of Tail...

2008-01-28T11:24:00.000+02:00

From the BBC...

US network faces $1m nudity fine

NYPD Blue ran
on ABC until 2005US
television network ABC may have to pay a fine of $1.4m
(£707,000) for airing an
episode of NYPD Blue which depicted female nudity.
The Federal
Communications Commission (FCC) said the 2003 show had
"multiple, close-up
views" of a woman's buttocks before the US watershed.

The FCC deems "sexual or excretory activities" shown in an "offensive"
way
before 2200 as indecent.

ABC has rejected the claims, saying the
buttocks are not a sexual organ.
The proposed penalty has been imposed on
all 52 of ABC's stations who
broadcast the episode.
The scene in the
police drama, which ran from
1993-2005, shows a boy surprising a naked woman
as she prepared to take a
shower.

The FCC said it received several
complaints about the sequence, which
also showed one of the woman's breasts.

...An ABC spokeswoman said that
the programme was broadcast with
parental warnings and that "the realistic
nature of NYPD Blue's storylines
was well-known to the viewing public".
The
broadcaster has said it will
appeal against the decision, which is the second
largest indecency fine
imposed on a broadcaster.
Seriously folks..get over it...MTV shows more in one video than NYPD Blue
EVER had... Oh right...the land of puritans!

Learning my lesson

2008-01-25T14:32:00.001+02:00

After the embarassment of having Hale point out that Accuradio incorrectly listed Jon Bon Jovi as the composer of "I Don't Like Mondays" by performing the simple act of using Google and clicking on the Wikipedia site....

Today's 100 Uutislehti (Finnish free newspaper) announced that this guy turned 80 today.. I have done my due diligence before creating this post.

Per Wikipedia:

"Mickey and Minnie debuted in the cartoon short Plane Crazy, first released on May 15, 1928."

However:

"The Walt Disney Company celebrates his birth as November 18, 1928"

Now I feel as though I may have redeemed myself in Hale's eyes..she the Icey Bitch (and I say that with love)....

Hurl

2008-01-25T10:25:00.000+02:00

Warning: The author cannot with complete certainty state that rambling and a possibly large amount of stream of consciousness writing style will not ensue.

Right..I have not blogged in a while because I just didn't have it in me. I don't need Prozac, but the state of affairs in the world these days have given me such bout of melancholy. So this one might be a bit long. Fasten your seatbelts and please keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times until the ride comes to a complete stop.

Yesterday's blog got my brain neuron(s) firing again a bit. Hopefully, this will lead to more posting from me - because I know you all miss my razor sharp whit and incredible insight into things geo-political , environmental, sociological, as well as my take on the finer points of the over-the-top fashion, big hair styles and the commercialization of music and film era which was the 80's. Admit it. You love me. Who wouldn't? After all..you are only human :)
Okay short(not really) recap of our trip to Beantown:

The first 5 days, and New Year's Eve were M-A-G-I-C!!!! - It was so great to see realtives and dear friends. I happily ate my Boston chinese food favorites on our first eveing. Can you say peking ravioli?? I refuse to call them potstickers! mmmmm yum! Consumed a decent pizza for the first time in 2 years, and had a hella good bottle of wine in the North End that I N-E-V-E-R would have been able to afford here.

However, after the first 5 days, I wanted to get on the first plane back to Helsinki. Seriously, I had the WORST case of reverse culture shock. I was all fine for the beginning, but then I started to become overwhelmed with the noise and the consumer-materialistic-biggerbetterfasternownownow mentality. I think I have become too used to Finnish silence. I enjoy silence these days. I know that sounds odd to those of you who know me personally (being the frickin loud talkaholic that I am)..but doesn't ANYONE shut up there? I also realized how much I have grown (some people would say changed or become euro-trash..but I digress) when I finally noticed exactly how LOUD my family is. My ears hurt. My brain felt assaulted.

And how many choices of cereal does one really need? I mean an entire isle of sugar ladened, processed, not-really-food-but-we-market-it-as-that types of "breakfast cereal"?Granted there were a few "healthy" options..like Raisin Bran which one would think because of the fact that it is Bran would be healthy..untill you look on the side panel and notice how much sugar they have coated the raisins in. Um..rasins are dried grapes...grapes=sweet, natural sugar...HELLO!!! And in the Breakfast isle...PopTarts. Now I can not diss PopTarts as a yummy sugary snack. It is just that. A sugary snack that with NO nutritional value whatsoever..but to put it in the BREAKFAST isle just leaves me baffled. Don't get me started on the portion size for 1 individual at restaurants being big enough for a family of 4 (what a waste of food) along with the 353542 options for side dishes, salad dressing and versions of starch, or the lack of environmentally friendly packages or items..the 345436626265425962 SUV's on the road....

We did do the obiligatory shopping till we dropped (weak dollar)...but after that I was done with it. I love my family and miss them terribly, but I think I can finally say with absolute certainty that I no longer really miss the US.

There are tons of great and wonderful things about the US and I am one of the first people to get my ire up when generalized statements are made about Americans (I find it rude when anyone generalizes ANY culture), but I am much happier here in the land of high taxes, low salaries and unpredictable weather. I am evolving...

- end rant -

And now onto politics... Come on..you knew it was coming!

"WASHINGTON (AFP) - US President George W. Bush and his top officials ran roughshod over the truth in the run-up to the Iraq war lying a total of 935 times, a study released Wednesday found. Bush and his administration "waged a carefully orchestrated campaign of misinformation about the threat posed by Saddam Hussein's Iraq," said the damning report entitled "False Pretenses." According to the Center for Public Integrity, eight administration officials "made at least 935 false statements" about Iraq's possession of weapons of mass destruction, or links to Al-Qaeda, on 532 separate occasions......

.....The US president was found to have made the most false statements referring a total of 260 times to Iraq's supposed weapons of mass destruction and Al-Qaeda's alleged links to the Baghdad regime.

But then-secretary of state Powell only just lagged behind with 254 false communications, said the study by the center's founder Charles Lewis and researchers....."

hmmmm...am I surprised? 260 times and he hasn't been impeached?!?!? Hmmm...blow job=impeachment proceedings; Lying to get into a war which has caused thousands of deaths=Nah not so much.. I just don't understand how this guy can be such a teflon moron.

....I will try to post something more amusing later...i just needed to expunge that from my system...

Dude..

2008-01-24T11:17:00.000+02:00

It is one of those days where random thoughts and memories are assaulting my brain. I have my headphones in and am listening to a Flock of 80's music on the web. Don't worry if you don't know what I am talking about (accuradio.com), but I am sure you get the 80's part. So there I was grumpy about having to be in the office at 07:15 for a 07:30 for a conference call which I didn't schedule and some moron from the middle of nowhere thought it would be a good idea to have a con call with the US (east coast), London, Helsinki and Munich at 07:30 am GMT +2…yes folks that means 5:30 am for London, 6:30 am for Munic and 12:30am for NY…and to top it off the KEY person who was supposed to be on the call blew us all off...WTF? Sooo..I popped my headphones in and proceeded to launch the aforementioned net radio program so I could have some happy music from my teenage years blaring in my head while I worked on the 36456 things I had to get done this morning…
It must have been karma..what is the first song I hear? None other than the song which forever will be ingrained in my consciousness as a reminder of that horrible time I had growing my hair back out after a rather unfortunate incident involving a recent beauty school graduate and a pair of sheers.. I had an old photo of myself after a bad haircut and made the mistake(?) of showing it to my best friend in the universe Beth. What does this jewel of humanity and scion of compassion say to me upon viewing the commemorative kodachrome?..Sing it with me now…
.."You know, I wish that I had Jessie's girl,
I wish that I had Jessie's girl
I want Jessie's girl,
where can I find a woman like that, like
Jessie's girl,
I wish that I had Jessie's girl,
I want,
I want Jessie's girl..:"
I have told this story before, but for some reason today it just made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants! Here I am alone in my office (because no RESPECTABLE Finn in my company would be here at 7:30 in the morning unless they are crazy)..laughing and singing my tail off…what comes up next in the musical offerings this morning??

Boomtown Rats - "I Don't Like Mondays" -it isn't Monday..but we all get the point..oh and did you know that song was written by Jon Bon Jovi of all people?!?!) edit note: because of Hale's comment..damn Accuradio needs wikipedia..listing Jon Bon Jovi as the frickin composer..ugh!

John Mellencamp - "Rain on the Scarecrow Blood On the Plow" - okay..can that guy change his names MORE times in one life..he is like the orginal PrinceSymbolbacktobeingPrice kinda guy

Hall and Oats - "I Can't Go For That" - nice mullets boys--nuff said

Icicle Works - "Birds Fly (Whisper to a Scream)" - ahhhh liverpudlians

Steve Perry - "Oh Sherri" - the original powerballad singer!..do NOT diss the Perry

VanHalen - "Jump" - aside from being a GREAT song and an anthem of my formative years, there is one thing that disturbs me about this song…remember the video? NO ONE should have to be subjected to seeing Dave in spandex…UGH! Dude..my eyes are bleeding

John Cougar Mellencamp - "Cherry Bomb" - okay..dude quit changing your NAME!!!!

Dude..where is my Champion sweatshirt, pegged jeans, bad cologne and turned up collar of my Izod??!?!?!

All in all it was a decent morning aside from the con-call from hell….

Sloth sloth and more sloth

2007-12-19T10:46:00.000+02:00

And from the deep darkness came a sound. Long had the world lain in stillness without even a whisper of indication that the beast still lived. Slumbered it did in the deep dark cold of the north. But no more. Slowly the signs of stirring began..
Yeah..that is about as far as I am gonna go in describing my sloth-like behaviour for the last several months in not only blogging, but life. I wasn't completely inert though..I finally changed companies. After having almost 4 years of frustration and low pay, I was wooed away to join a new firm - same customer, but new firm. The bump in pay is nice, the bonus structure is nice, everything is nice at Nice…so far. I know I am still in the honeymoon phase, but I already have a better sense of feeling valued by my employer.
S
o..now that I have gotten myself sort of moving again..

1.) Go Hillary
2.) Clam Chowder and a decent bagel in t-minus 2 days
3.) Mike's Pastry…yum
4.) English all the time
5.) Shout out - SUGA!
6.) mmmm N82 goodness

And for your amusement (hat tip to Amanda) http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/466/story.cfm?c_id=466&objectid=10481323

Oh..and only in Finland can a guy who sqewered someone be the athlete of the year

..right..not a very creative blog today..but it is all I have in me right now…may blog later today..keep yer eyes peeled..

Oi vey

2007-09-19T10:14:00.000+03:00

Okay, so our tickets weren't 1600 bucks. Try 1800. Called the step-mom and she proceeded to say "Well it is Christmas time and it isn't THAT much." Okay..um..do any of YOU have 1800 bucks just burning a hole in your pocket? So now they are all booked and paid for and we are in Boston from 21 December to 3 January...

I am then informed that Pop has something wrong with his foot and they took him to the ER to get it checked out (swollen and very painful)..Doc takes an X-Ray and proceeds to say that my Papa's foot looks like the foot of a 200 year old man..and that he has something called Charcot's Foot Disease. Thanks to Google I now know it isn't like a fungus or something it is "a progressive degenerative condition that affects the joints in the feet It is associated with nerve damage (neuropathy) that decreases the ability to sense stimuli, including pain, and decreases muscular reflexes that control movement. As a result, the joints in the feet are subjected to repeated trauma and injury, causing progressive damage to the ligaments, cartilage, and bones."

So Papa not only has had his hip replaced, had some sort of blood infection like 3 times in the last year, fell at work in late summer resulting in the ligaments in his elbow to need to be put back where they belong AND now has have his rotator cuff repaired (thanks to Workman's Comp red tape, he has to wait until 13 November to have the surgery which will put him out of work on sick leave for 6 weeks)...but now he gets this foot thing?!?!? WTF!!!!!

I keep trying to get him to retire (he is of retirement age...actually over it at this point), but he won't. If this crap keeps up he may be forcibly put on disability retirement and that would send my ox of a Papa over the edge in my opinion.

At what point in life do the roles of "parent" and "child" become reversed? I am not implying that my father is stupid at all. In fact, he is actually a genius (and passed those genes on to his son but alas not to me), highly educated, speaks several languages, soft spoken (I DEFINITELY didn't get that gene), gentle, kind, compassionate, understanding and all-in-all one heck of a guy that I am lucky and honored to call my Papa. BUT, when does it become necessary, due to his mile-wide stubborn streak and pride becoming a hindrance and a threat to his overall health, for me to step into the role of cajoling, chastising parent? My step-mom has tried and tried and tried to get him to slow down and possibly think about retiring. He side-steps, avoids the issue, flatly refuses, and many other stubborn and idiotic behaviors all to ignore the fact that he should have retired already. 25 years of carrying 30lbs on his back, walking 12 miles and about 30000 stairs a day have taken their toll on his body.

I guess I am concerned that my Papa will, as a result of this stubborn pride, not retire in time to enjoy the rapidly dwindling last 3rd of his life; he will work himself to the point that when he does retire he is no longer able to be mobile enough to enjoy his pastimes (puttering in the garden, golfing, woodworking, etc.) or even worse (heaven forbid) he works himself to the grave.

sheeeesh

Quit yer whinin'

2007-09-10T16:33:00.001+03:00

Folks whine asking "Why don't you come visit more often
$1600 for plane tickets. THAT'S WHY!

We are going to Boston for Christmas. It has been almost 2 years since I have seen my family, so it is about ferkin time. The thing that gets me is that my lovely step-mom always asks and whines about when we are coming to visit. Let THEM shell out 1600 buck-a-roos each time and see how often they whine about me not visiting. Not only is it a large amount of samolians, but then the whole christmas presents thing, the getting around (to rent a car or to mooch?..that is the question).. AND 2 very dear friends are getting married (YAY John and Patricia)....needless to say, my folks need to just step the frick back on this. It isn't that we DON'T want to visit, it is just that shelling out that kind of moolah 4 times a year (as they would like it to be) is not in our budget..sheeesh people! How many more slang terms can I use for money in one blog? (rehtorical question folks)

Spoke to SUG this weekend too..Shout out to my West Coast Sistah! Her bday is coming up and she just closed on a condo and will have to be filming in Penn when she should be moving.. Poor SUG..

Work is crap. I hate work. Have I mentioned this before? Oh yeah..only like 32624564236 times...

Got my stitches out today :) Yay. Before you all go all "Oh my. Did you have another one of your graceful moments requiring medical attention" on me, I DID NOT INJURE MYSELF. I had a mole removed from my forearm - like you really wanted to know.... I will have a cute little scar (to add to the 36346243725624 other ones I have from my mis-adventures in life) on my right forearm...

For those of you who are wondering..our dates for being in Boston are 21-Dec to 03 Jan...gotta be there for RRJ and Patricia's hitchin'

...where did that stupid southern accent come from?

How I spent my Summer Vacation

2007-08-27T10:29:00.000+03:00

Right..Random Blog (after the summer hiatus)

Trip Highlights:
1.) Latvia-Lithuania border – border guard thought I was going to walk to Kaunas after Mira drove across the border while I waited for him to stamp my passport..(damn them and their EU passports) – seriously…here is the dialog (after he WATCHED me get off the bike and I handed him my passport – I had taken off my helmet already and Mira and the gang were across already:

Border Guard (upon noticing me standing there sweating to death in my driving gear): “Where you go?”
Me: “Uh. Kaunas”
Border guard looks me up and down. By the way at this point I should mention that he fit every damned stereotype of a border guard every American has seen in those movies from the cold war. Visual: Open shirt with hairy chest and gold chains, sweat stained pits, stubble on the chin, badly fitting trousers which were possibly from his normal job (plumber) and really bad garlic breath
Border Guard (incredulously): “How?”
Me (indicating the 4 other women who just passed him by on motorcycles on the otherside of his wretched border): “With THEM?”
At this point he realized he was an idiot

2.) Lithuania – B&B owner’s husband drove all of us to a restaurant so we could get food and drinks – oh and did you know that "Thank You" in Lithuanian sounds like a sneeze? Seriously..I don’t know how it is spelled in Lithuanian but it is pronounced. Ah-chew

3.) Poland – Who knew an intersection was a place to pass people – they did it on the right, left and sometimes I swear they wanted to go OVER us…oh and speed limit signs are a mere suggestion for the locals..

4.) Germany - driving through rain in which I swear I saw Noah, the Ark and the animals lining up 2 by 2 was an experience I do not wish to repeat. The gathering was great though :) Cold and wet for most of it, but great. I am so fluent in German now.

5.) The Dutch really are nice…except for drunken idiots who steal your taxi causing one of the calmest women I know to swear like a sailor while flipping the bird and having to be held back by her girlfriend. Randomly invited up to a party in someone’s house and then when we get there – there is a person which Hale and Mira met 2 years ago and this person had no idea that we were the people the hosts randomly chose from the street to come up (during the Pride Parade btw).. Pride was AWESOME.. I seriously think that K, D, Mel, Laura, Michael, Derrick and us should do Amsterdam Pride one year…It puts Boston to shame folks…

6.) The Danes – Copenhagen is beautiful. The people are incredibly nice…but damn it is it one flat country…pretty boring to drive through

7.) The Swedes – It should be illegal to have so many beautiful people in one place…oh and if I thought Denmark was boring to drive through…Sweden is the motherload of boring driving…

8.) Turku to Helsinki – after 4710 Km..we had 170 left…wouldn’t you know…40km from home…TORRENTIAL RAINS…again…

Best Part of Summer Vacation…learning I have big healthy boobies….

oh yeah..

2007-07-06T10:16:00.000+03:00

http://youtube.com/watch?v=NN-eGOtBGbg

BRILLIANT!!!! Until they get the frickin video posting crap done on this site... I am posting this picture and the link to it. It made me cheer!

Ping...ping..

2007-06-20T09:40:00.000+03:00

Right..I figured I would finally put another post up here...Sorry to have been so silent, but I have just finished a 1650 km motorcycle trip pretty much around Finland. Spent last week at Satu's cottage all relaxin an shiznit... This weekend is MidSummer here and will be with Suvi and Päivi at their cottage... Then it is 4 weeks until we head on the trip around Europe on the motorbike...
Estonia
Latvia
Lithuania
Poland
Czech Republic
Germany (spending 4 days there at the WIMA rally)
Amsterdam (4 days there for Amsterdam Pride!)
Copenhagen (to seeMiia, Anna and Saimi)
Stockholm
and finally back to Helsinki...

my bum is gonna hurt....

With friends like these...

2007-05-24T13:35:00.000+03:00

Ahhh the joy of having Sug for a best friend... This is a blast from the way back machine...

49 things you should know about Fusche's butt

1. It's big.

2. It's really big.

3. It has more crater scars than the Sea of Tranquility.

4. It has disasterous El Nino implications.

5. It inspires tectonic shifting.

6. Downstairs neighbors get flooded out on a regular basis when the butt
hits the bathtub.

7. It has been officially recognized as a Terran Celestial Body.

8. Butt prints from Fusche on the beach have been mistaken as the mating
ground of two large walruses.

9. When sunning herself on the beach, well meaning environmentalists have
doused her butt with buckets of water and tried to push her back into the
surf.

10. Inspired movie: The Revenge of the Butt Monster! "SEE the monster eat
small villages, SEE small villagers crushed beneath the cheeks"

11. The hidden meaning to "Twin Peaks"

12. It's really, really big.

13. Standing downwind during a bean festival has been mistaken for the
Santa Anna winds - disasterous fires have developed.

14. No Movie Seat can hold her.

15. No Airplane can accomodate her.

16. No man can tame that butt - without a chair and a crane anyway.

17. The butt has tipped the scales on many a near fatal elevator accident
due to exceeding Max. load.

18. The butt, while swimming has been mistaken for, twin icebergs, alien
spacecraft and seismic anomalies.

19. It's really, really, really big.

20. The Geneva Convention has a Fusche Butt Clause.

21. There was some debate for a time whether Karl Malden's nose or Fusche's
Butt was larger in proportion by body part. Fusche won, butts down.

22. Iraq has developed Fushe's butt into a powerful biological weapon which
has been banned by NATO.

23. NATO has a special Fusche butt disaster recovery team in case Fusche's
butt should ever be detonated by accident.

24. Fusche has been banned to travel to poor starving countries, the
resulting panic of the natives chasing her with spears shouting "We could
eat for a year on that" has local officials terrified.

25. Group of Prospectors STILL looking for the Mother Lode.

26. The Bermuda Triangle is actually the zone from the middle of Fusche's
back to the bottom of each cheek.

27. NASA planning a 1999 exploration of Fusche's butt called the
Ballooner-probe.

28. Fusche's butt is the only organic structure visible from orbit.

29. Only natural formation known to be bigger than Russ Manzer's head.

30. It's really, really, really big.

31. Most acoustically perfect rump known to mankind.

32. Beluga whales have been known to swim 3000 miles out of their
territories to court Fusche's butt.

33. Stray sounds from Fusche's butt have been known to cause Pods of
Humpback whales to beach themselves in search of Pod-mates in distress.

34. The San Andreas fault was created during an unfortunate Fusche Slip and
Fall incident which incidentally is the only Liability Case on record where
the injured party is the State of California as opposed to the individual
who did the falling. Fusche is expected to pay 2.3 Billion in damages.

35. Janet Reno has appointed a special investigator to find out if Fusche's
butt is actually responsible for many outbreaks of Road-Rage.

36. A recent medical study has proven the grass roots theory that living
near Fusche's butt has the same medical ramifications as living near High
Power Overhead Lines.

37. Q: If Fusche's butt is loaded on a train in Memphis at 12:00 PM and
heads north at 56 mph, when will it arrive in Cleveland?
A: Hah, trick question, Fusche's butt won't fit on a train.

38. It's really, really, really, really big.

39. Was the secret weapon used by Reagan to free the Iran hostages: "Now
Ayatollah, play nice, or I drop Fusche's Butt on you." The hostages were
free within 3 hours.

40. An 'all clear' klaxon must be sounded before Fusche can sit down just
in case any small countries like Luxembourg are in the way.

41. 49 Cultists committed suicide determined to gain access to the alien
mother ship that is hiding in the shadow of Fusche's Butt. NASA determined
the investigation too risky when 53 probes were launched at the butt and
lost in an attempt to prove or disprove the spaceship theory.

42. When Fusche was a baby, her mother had a really hard time finding
diapers the size of Rhode Island every 1.5 hours. The economies of three
small countries were sacrificed to try and keep the offending rump covered.

43. The Siberian Tunguska (spelling?) Blast of 1908 was actually caused by
an unfortunate Fusche feeding frenzy involving truckloads of refried beans.

44. Conspiracy Theory: The Titanic did not hit an iceberg, it was struck by
the SS FuscheButt, a diabolical Naval Weapon developed by Otto Von Bismark
to ensure German Naval Superiority in the inevitable World Wars. The SS
FuscheButt was later scuttled to make way for the Nuclear Powered Fuschka
Buttka, the largest warship ever manufactured.

45. Used as a Object Model for Microsoft Windows '98.

46. The theory is that Ancient Egyptians, when designing the pyramids and
temples, practiced their stone lugging technique on Fusche's butt, the
biggest and heaviest thing they could get their hands on. Stonehenge was
created in a similar fashion.

47. Fusche's Butt is featured in 49 New England Sky Reports as being the
most popular set of Camelbacks in the region.

48. 149 Skiers were lost last year skiing the triple Black Diamond Trails
known as Fusche's Twins, The Crevice of Doom and the Ever popular Fusches
Frenzy, a three mile drop straight into what's known as The Pit of Despair.
All of these trails are on Mount FuscheButt.

49. It's really, really, really, really, really big

Put down the prozac

2007-05-18T15:37:00.000+03:00

Okay people. You can officially put down the prozac now. Thanks for the outpouring of support and offers of physical abuse to make me feel better. I have yanked the proverbial bootstraps, had myself a good cry and am back to my usual snarky self.

So while surfing the web I came across this.

Puh

2007-05-08T10:28:00.000+03:00

Okay. Normally I am a wisecracking smartass, but lately, not so much. Blue is the color of my soul right now; a deep midnight blue. I know that sounds incredibly melodramatic, cliché and disgustingly weak, but right now I am not at my best. I have been fighting severe homesickness and a host of other emotions which I find difficult to label. There are silly bouts of crying in the middle of the night when I wake up from a nightmarish dream of epic proportions which I am then unable to remember 5 minutes later but am simply left with an indescribably morose feeling of isolation and hopelessness. I feel, ala Moonstruck, someone should slap me and say “Snap out of it!” The thing is that even though that would probably be appropriate right now, I would most likely collapse in a heap and just weep. I guess it doesn’t help that my Papa has been fighting a blood poisoning type thing for the 4th time, my Mom’s doctors just found a lump in her breast and something 2cm in diameter which is “concerning” on her ovary, my Grams has an ulcerated wound on her foot that won’t heal and the antibiotics they have her 88 year old self on are making her hurl like a frat boy during Rush week, I haven’t been back to see my family in 18 months and won’t be able to get back until freaking Christmas so that will make 2 years since I have seen my papa, stepmom, bro and the rest of my clan, and work is giving me as much stress as I can possibly handle and most likely too much at this point. Tack on that 3 friends are getting married and we are booked to the rafters with wedding things (like bachelorette parties and the actual weddings), I am 5000 miles away from my family and can do nothing to help any of them, I haven’t actually had a holiday holiday since last year sometime in the summer (Portugal I think), and the usual life stresses about money and crap…and I feel like I wanna just curl up in a ball and tell the world to take a hike.

The problem is that when I get blue or stressed, I close down. Mira, Sug, K and most of my other longtime chosen family members can tell you that I clam up tighter than heck. I pretty much disengage from the world around me. It is my coping mechanism. The problem I have is that I know I am shutting down and it is the only way I know how to process things, but it is terribly unfair to those around me and especially to the Finn.

I know that “this too shall pass”, but right now I just wanna tell the universe to FUCK OFF.

And before you all start getting all intervention on me, I will be fine. I will get through this and come out the other side...just may take a bit..

Nagi Nagi

2007-05-02T10:16:00.000+03:00

Yeah, so much for the well thought out plan of not having a hangover on the Wednesday after May Day. Vappu is a national holiday here in Finland. We had guests over for dinner on Monday - lovely giant prawn starter with a main course of pork loin, roasted potatoes and salad...cheeses and grapes for desert and 5 bottles of sparkling wine later, the coming May day (Vappu) was not looking like a party day for us.

The plan was to stay home and treat Tuesday (Vappu) like a Sunday - watch a bit of the idiot box, cook and go to bed early. Enter Pia and an invitation to come over for dinner and to watch the ice hockey match between Finland and Russia... 2 bottles of sparkling wine, a 12 pack of beer and 1 Victor Borge tape later..we were pissed as lords. Then enter Nora.. Why did it seem like a good idea to go from Pia's house to a pub to meet Nora..where Mira promptly bought a round of shots?

I am such a mess today..it took me 15 minutes to find my damned keys! Couldn't find my wallet for a while either...then my watch... I had a meeting that I could not miss this morning which was rescheduled at the last minute..so I could have worked from home (read: slept for another 5 hours)...

Body aches from the spill I took on Monday afternoon, brain is not functioning, and I have to be in the office...

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(/%(&¤)/!!!!!

2007-04-24T12:58:00.000+03:00

That would be me growling I think. So, today I retrieved our baby (see picture to the right) from the banishment of winter storage at the bike shop. We had her all nicely serviced for her 12k kilometer milestone so that everything stays in tip-top condition. The service guy there is great. He is always friendly and fun to talk to (even if I have to speak Finnish).

So on to the growling...First off it is not inexpensive to store the bike there for the winter. They make quite the decent profit on that. The service we had done cost 241€..again, not cheap. What I am growling at is that when I go out to greet our baby, and tell her how much I missed her...she is down right FILTHY! And I don't mean in the saucy mix kind of way either. I mean she is saucy and a hell of a ride, but she is DIRTY as hell! You would think that for the 600€ we have spent with them they could have at least rinsed her off?!?!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Mobile Phones, Alcohol and You

2007-04-16T12:20:00.000+03:00

Okay, so we met a friend for dinner on Friday evening. We had figured that we would schedule the dinner early enough that we were home at a reasonable hour to enable us to get up the following morning to assist a good friend in removing wallpaper off of the walls of her newly bought flat...and in the words of Robert Burns (Scottish Poet) " ..The best laid schemes o' mice an' men Gang aft agley,..."... and for those of you who want the Standard English translation: "..The best laid schemes of mice and men Go often askew,"...

Yeah..so after consuming WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much alcohol (multiple pre-dinner cocktails, 2 bottles of wine with dinner, multiple after dinner drinks and then an ill advised trip to the pub)...drunk dailing was the only option.
I called K..who happened to be on the ferry back to England with her Mom..of which I think I told K how much I love her mom..

Then the call to Sug. Oh HOLY HELL... It is NEVER a good idea to drink so much that you end up on the phone with your best friend who is 10,000 miles away and 10 hours behind your sorry drunken ass in respect to the time difference. Talk about messy! I ended up bawling on the phone about how much I miss my SUGA. Actually crying! Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick....

So..maybe it might be a good idea to have one of those breathalizer thingers installed on my phone which when I place the phone anywhere near my alcohol ladened breath it 1.) sends a high voltage shock through my ear to my brain causing immediate droppage 2.) performs an emergency shut down of all services other than the ability to dail the emergency number (112) or the taxi center to have them come drag one's sorry arse home or 3) all of the above and then a humiliating pre-recorded voice saying "Shut up you drunken idiot and go home. You are a disgrace to your family name."

So poor Sug had to listen to me whine about how much I missed her... I did manage to stop crying...and we did the only thing that seemed appropriate at the time..we hijacked a couple on their 1st wedding anniversary, made them show us their suite and then dragged them off to the pub with us!

..oh the shame....

Oh and Sug..the cow stays, but it will eventually be removed from the first page due to additional posts :) SUGA FOR YOU..and YES we want to come out to Hell-Ay for the premier of the movie!

Mastication

2007-03-28T14:29:00.000+03:00

Sometimes I feel like a complete freak. I know I AM a freak, but it seems to me that my pet peeves sometimes make me a bit overly freakish. I know I have freak like behavior – the salt on apples thing, the french fries dipped in ice cream thing, the turning toilet paper rolls around so that it comes from the front of the roll instead of the back thing (I do it even at other people’s houses..if I have been to your place and you are one of those paper comin’ from the back of the roll people, I have done it to you too), the towels having to be folded a specific way thing, the making it so my food doesn’t touch on plates thing (yes,I literally will separate the veggies, starch and meat/fish so that they all have their own area on the plate) – there are many many more…..

Now, I know these things could and do severely irritate people or bring unmitigated amounts of mocking to my doorstep. Hey, let’s face it, it is fun to point and laugh at people; and if you just said “I do not do that! I was raised to be polite!” then YOU are the ones that me and my friends are pointing and laughing at (when not doing it to each other). However, I can not stand – and I am talking throttle the person until they are begging for their mom and for mercy – when people are chewing. Mastication. I hate it. If I am eating at the same time, then it doesn’t bother me at all..but I really hate the sound of food being masticated or slurped in front of me. God forbid you are eating an apple near me when I am not eating at the same time. I have no idea where this pet peeve comes from! Seriously, I was chattin’ with a colleague today and she was mentioning how that aside from being the “queen of strop” (gotta love British slang) she was having seriously homicidal thoughts in her head due to an individual in her meeting room directly across from her “chewing gum with his month open and i fear i may smack him”. This sent us off on a whole tirade of how each of us has the same pet peeve. I personally told her to look at him and just say "mooooooooooooooo"

So..note to all of you who encounter me when you are eating. I had better be eating too, or that look on my face will mean that I want to throttle you within an inch of your life…

…there..I feel better….

It's the Little Things

2007-03-23T13:34:00.000+02:00

Like THIS:

that can make one's day turn from frustrating to relaxing. A vendor to my department took us out for a "customer appreciation" evening (read: schmoozing). We went to a shooting club and I fired hand guns for the very first time. Above is a .500 Smith & Wesson. The largest production hand gun maded (sort of like the Desert Eagle). My hand still hurts from the recoil on that sucker.

I shot a:

.22 caliber Ruger
9 mm Glock
.44 caliber Mag(hello Dirty Harry)
and
.500 caliber Smith and Wesson...

Of course, the range instructor made me be the first one to try the .500 when it was time to shoot that one..considering I am American.. I told him that we are issued guns when we get a passport. Every American has one :) NOT

While I enjoyed the target practice exercise of the .22, I think I will not be shooting again. It was an experience and now I have the shell casing from the 9mm, .44 and .500 on my desk as memories of my shooting experience.

Flarn Filth Filth Flarn and Filth

2007-03-13T16:35:00.000+02:00

or otherwise known as Fucking Fucker Fuck God Damn and Fuck!

Ya know what pisses me off? When certain people in authority tell you something you will be getting and then what they told you you are getting isn't what you got. What the hell?!?!?!

Remind me never to take a "promotion" to a job that is tons more work than I used to do, incredibly ladened with more responsibility and tasks and believe the boss when he tells you that the salary increase you will recieve will not be insulting.

Consider me insulted...

in·sult (ĭn-sŭlt')
v. in·sult·ed, in·sult·ing, in·sults
v. tr.

1.) To treat with gross insensitivity, insolence, or contemptuous rudeness.
2.) To affront or demean

Fucking Fucker Fuck God Damn and FUCK!!!

Just cause she asked

2007-03-13T16:34:00.000+02:00

And before YOU ask, yes I commented on her blog

From Patricia:

YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I WANNA KNOW YOU... I want to know 34 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine... I just wanna know you better! Thanks! =) Just answer in the comments.

1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of the Internet?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you.
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Wine, gin, singlemalt, can, bottle, Draft or teetotaler?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. In one word, how would you describe me?
34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

Hide the Dictionary!

2007-02-20T10:58:00.000+02:00

While trolling for an interesting topic to vent my spleen about, I came across the winner. I know it has been a while since I have blogged, but nothing has sparked my imagination lately. I could go on a political rant, but I have been there and done that and quite frankly, GW comparing the war on terror to the American Revolutionary war was just so stupid I couldn’t be bothered to lambaste him at this point. He is a buffoon and to call him a monkey is an insult to monkeys on branches. Haven’t you always wanted a monkey?
Right..I digress…

So it turns out that an award winning (2007 Newbery Medal) book is being banned from some US schools and libraries over the use of 1 word. Here I am thinking to myself: “Could it be the N word?”. I, for one, hate that word. But noooooooo. Not an N word in sight. The word of the day folks is “scrotum”. Yes, you heard me: scrotum. The book in question is by Susan Patron and it is called The Higher Power of Lucky. Now, this book is intended for readers from 9-12 years of age and won the previously mentioned very prestigious award. The word that is so offensive is used after the heroine of the book, Lucky Trimble, overhears a man talking about a snakebite to his dog.
The word is repeated as Lucky is described as thinking the word is "medical and secret, but also important".

Okay. I am all for protecting kids from porn, nasty images, gratuitous violence, overly annoying stuffed purple dinosaurs who deserve the crap beat out of them and parents who dress them in cutesy outfits. But, in my humble opinion, the word scrotum is NOT shocking. The author, who is a librarian, too is outraged that a library would take the role of censor. I would have agreed with her on that one. I mean seriously. The parent should be the one who decides what is appropriate for his/her little Johnny or Suzie to read and not a frickin librarian. Catcher in the Rye anyone?

What the hell is so wrong with the word scrotum? Do these kids not have health class? Do they not have science class? Things like this are why in my mid 30s, I still use the word whoowhoo for a vagina.

It is official...

2007-01-22T15:31:00.000+02:00

You didn't really think I would pass this one up did you?!?!

Note: Um Hillary, I will vote for you, but I am thinking your tag line needs to be re-thought - " I am in. And I am in to win." Would that then mean if you didn't say that specific statement, one would think that you joined the race with any other intention other than to win? "I am in. And I am in to just shake up the field and not really to win, but really just to sort of make everyone think about it..maybe." Sorry..don't mean to be disrespectful to ya sister, but I am thinking your marketing people should really hit the drawing board again...

With the above being said, should she win, she would be the first woman to serve as president of the United States -- and the first presidential spouse to do so as well.

Potentially Ultimate Evil Villan! Rock ON!

2007-01-18T11:10:00.000+02:00

Oh Holy hell..Another of those online personality tests. This is what I get for reading John's blog...DAMN HIM!!!

Busy Body- ENFJ
66% Extraversion, 53% Intuition, 26% Thinking, 60% Judging

You manipulative busybody! You're what some might call the "backseat driver" of life. You know, the one who knows exactly what everyone else is doing wrong and how they should go about fixing it. You're always trying to change everyone else.

The strange thing is, you can generally get whoever you want, to do whatever you want. What's that? You want me to stop insulting you...well, alright...but only because you asked so nic...WAIT A MINUTE!

Stop sticking your cumbersome nose where it aint't wanted. You're like an oversized sniffer dog, trained to sniff out everyone else's problems, yet oblivious to your own.

For one you worry excessively. The fact that you're also incredibly sensitive to criticism probably has you on the verge of tears right now. Get a grip.

You have powers of manipulation unlike any other. You know all the gossip and you know how to ultimately use it as blackmailing material.

You could potentially be the ultimate evil villain... if not for the fact you choose to use all of your powers for good, rather than evil. How honourable. How admirable and praiseworthy. How pathetic. While you're helping others out and pushing them into the limelight, you're left in the background to inhale the dirty smoke of their success. Nice one.

*****************

Step Right up to the Eating Disorder Workshop!

2007-01-09T14:57:00.000+02:00

So I was reading the news today (surprise surprise) and I saw an article about my home State that set me right the BLEEP off. This article describes how all the children in the school were examined and screened for their body mass index and a letter was sent home with about half of the students to their parents warning of that the child was either “at risk of becoming overweight” or underweight - a new state law requires a school notify the parents of children who are over- or underweight or who may be at risk of becoming so. There was one girl who is 4 feet tall and 66lbs and she got sent home with a note to her mom warning that she was a risk of becoming overweight!

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?! This poor kid has now had her ego and body image slammed by the very people who are supposed to be protecting her. Don’t even think of saying “They are protecting her from having health issues in the future” That is bullshit! This is a young child who not only gets bombarded every day with images of models and celebrities through magazines that promote being rail thin and a stick but also hasn’t even hit puberty yet!!! . What the hell are they thinking they are accomplishing? Promoting healthy eating? NOT. They are damaging the body image and self esteem of a young girl because her BMI isn’t in line with the scale they are using. What if a kid is an athlete? BMI levels can be significantly higher in athletes because of increased muscle mass from the sports they practice. I am not for having obese children at all. Obesity leads to severe health complications and we all know this. But this is going too far. This child’s overall health and health care is the responsibility of her, her parents and her doctor NOT the schools. Change the foods in the school systems to be healthier? SURE! Require kids to take physical education classes? SURE! Require children to take health classes? SURE! But don’t send her home with a note that basically says that even though she has not hit puberty, is an athlete and very active she is still in danger of being overweight; it is just creating damage to her psyche and self image at an age where kids are already being judged by what clothes they wear, what type of sneakers they have, their hair style and also being with inundated by images of Nicole freakin Richie and her emaciated form, or Kate Hudson, Kate Moss..The list goes on and on.

Jesus! They might just as well start an ad campaign:

“Step right up little Suzie to your very own eating disorder! Take your pick, we have them all! Over-eating – to “medicate” that bruised ego you have and foster self loathing, or Anorexia – to be sure you fit in the latest size -456 jeans that all the best celebs are wearing – Bulimia – why control what you eat? Eat all you can and don’t gain wait by simply purging your system of those pesky calories! Forget having a healthy balanced diet to include fish, veggies and low sugar intakes, just let your self image go down the drain with our easy system!”

What is next? “Okay Suzie, you need to take this note home to your parents. There has to be something done about those glasses you wear. This scale we have says that children your age should have perfect vision. You don’t want to grow up to not be the perfect image of what media says. Your parents need to get you some lasik eye surgery.” Or “Okay Suzie, you have brown hair and blue eyes, but our chart here says that children in our school system should have blonde hair and blue eyes. You are in danger of not fitting in, so please bring this note to your parents to have your hair dyed so you better fit into our image of what a child should look like.”

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

John Made me do it

2007-01-09T11:00:00.000+02:00

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Her Excellency Stephanie the Confused of Studley Roger
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Right..so I blame John Eddy for this... I was perusing his blog and had to find out what my Peculiar Aristocratic Title would be because of this site he mentions. Everyone else gets really creative names from this stupid place and ya know what??? Mine SUCKS! Wanna know why? Cause it is oddly TRUE damn it! I am:

1.) Excellent
2.) Regularly Confused
and
3.) My frickin father's name IS Roger!

How pathetic am I?

Laziness and stuff

2007-01-08T11:17:00.000+02:00

There are no exuses offered for going 6 weeks without a post. I figure I am more active than K or D (can anyone say 7 months?). The only thing that has kept me from posting has been pure slovenly procrastination and a definite lack of any witty comments or insights. I called Sug over the holiday to wish her a Merrry Christmas, talked to the family, had Mutsi over for the 24th etc. Christmas was Christmas. A bit less enjoyable than it should have been due to a bit of a dark depression I was in. As previously posted, we were supposed to be in Boston for Turkey Day and I had gotten my psyche all set for seeing my folks for that holiday. We were also supposed to tack on the trip to Vegas for K’s 40th during that trip as well. Unfortunately, the budget and available holiday time threw a monkey wrench into that plan. So there goes my mood…down down down to the depths of “Holiday’s suck.” I suppose my bad attitude toward work didn’t help either...

Anywho, I am coming through to the otherside of a difficult holiday season. I suppose it is time to being posting again. I have been traveling a bit for work and doing more consulting lately than anything. It is good change from what I was doing. I think I was beginning to suffer from burnout. Not a pretty picture. Not to mention I passed my 3 year mark of living in Finland (3rd of December). This year I can apply for citizenship and am gonna :)

I was thinking I would not make any political comments on this post..but I have to. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t. So there is this Repbulican Congressman from Virginia named Virgil Goode who wrote a letter slamming the Quran and Muslims. Here are some of the quotes from this letter demanding an immigration overhaul:
“..there will be many more Muslims elected to office demanding the use of the Quran," ;
“..we will have many more Muslims in the United States” ;
“The Muslim representative from Minnesota was elected by the voters of that district and if American citizens don't wake up and adopt the Virgil Goode position on immigration there will likely be many more Muslims elected to office and demanding the use of the Quran.”

And my personal favorite:

“The Ten Commandments and 'In God We Trust' are on the wall in my office. A Muslim student came by the office and asked why I did not have anything on my wall about the Quran. My response was clear, As long as I have the honor of representing the citizens of the 5th District of Virginia in the United States House of Representatives; the Quran is not going to be on the wall of my office.”

Now, this guy’s name is Virgil – and there are way too many redneck jokes I could make about that, but I am just not giving into the temptation. Virgil can be attributed to the Latin word virga which means “wand” or “staff”.Again so many phallic jokes and too little time. It is people like this thick as a brick chicken head that make my blood boil. Here is a guy who wrote this letter in response to the Minnesota Rep. Keith Ellison’s request to use a quran in his swearing-in ceremony and not the bible. Goode is a moron. The good people of Minnesota duly elected him to represent them in Congress and knew he was a Muslim when they did it. Not only does he want to use a quran, but he wanted to use Thomas Jefferson’s quran. Here is a representative of of Minnesota requesting to use a holy book owned by one of the founding fathers of the US and Goode is turning it into a fight and something islamaphobic (nice word that one). Just another example of religious intolerance in the US. I am surprised Mr. Goode didn’t go another step further and make an issue about Mr. Ellison being black.

grrrrrrrrrr

Turkey Day!!!

2006-11-23T10:42:00.000+02:00

So today is the 23rd of November. Today, in the States, one of my favorite holidays is celebrated. There is none of that having to by presents bullshit, just family getting together to watch the Macy's Parade, eat a fabulous meal, gorge on desserts and fall asleep to the football game on the T.V. In the United States, certain kinds of food are traditionally served at Thanksgiving meals. First and foremost, turkey is usually the featured item on any Thanksgiving feast table (so much so that Thanksgiving is sometimes referred to as “Turkey Day”). Stuffing, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, corn, green beans and random other fall veggies...as well as pumpkin pie are part of the tradition. I personally will eat a piece of Pumpkin Pie and then a piece of custard pie. YUMMY!!!

The actual tradition of Thanksgiving comes from the meal held in 1621 in Plymouth Massachusetts with the Wampanoag. The Pilgrims were thankful to Squanto, a aboriginal, who taught them to grow corn, catch eel and was an interpreter for them (he learned English on a trip to Europe.) Without his help, the Pilgrims would probably not have survived the harsh winter in the colony. So they set apart a day to celebrate after their first harvest in Plymouth in 1621. Harvest festivals (what the US calls Thanksgiving) was already a part of English and Wampanoag tradition anyway so Thanksgiving is not strictly a US thing :) A " true" Thansgiving celebration was not really held until 1623 after a really harsh growing season - there was a drought..and then prayers for rain and an rain shower. Sooooo..it became a way of saying Thanks to the big Kahuna upstairs for getting them through. Anywho, President Washington delcared (after a recommendation by both Houses of Congress) that the first National Thanksgiving Day was November 26, 1789. It was then declared by presidents after him, but there was no official day yet. Since 1863, Thanksgiving has been observed annually in the United States. And incase you cared: In 1939, President Franklin D. Roosevelt declared that Thanksgiving would be the next-to-last Thursday of November rather than the last. So that is why Thanksgiving falls on a different date each year...but ALWAYS a Thursday.

...end of History lesson...on to my family traditions...

The men in my family, after dinner and dessert (and before the game) , would step outside no matter what the temperature and smoke a big fat cigar while debating who would win the gridiron match about to start. Friendly wagers and boasting would ensue. Meanwhile, not being partial to cigars or swaggering/boasting about sports, I would relax contentedly with my Grams and talk about all sorts of things. Mainly I would listen to her reminise about how it was when she was a younger (having moved from Ireland to the US as a young woman) or when she and my Gramps (may he rest in peace) were trying to feed their 7 children and relatives on the meager salary my Grandfather made working 2 jobs - postal carrier by day and supermarket stock man by night. They didn't have much, but my big Irish step-family gave thanks for their togetherness, health and the love of family. It has stayed that way in my family...and this year...well, I miss them. We may not be all blood realatives, but we are a family. They are my step family...well since forever they have been my step family, but no one uses the word "step" at all. My Grams says I am Irish (even though there isn't a drop of Irish blood running in my veins), and ya know what? If my Grams says I am Irish..then I am Irish.

My papa and I have a tradition on this day. I don't know why, but it is just my papa and me who do this in my family. There are 36 people (yes, I have a HUGE family) who all cram into the house to have dinner and be together. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, etc. As a result of this garganutan brood decending on one house, my parents usually use the ovens in both kitchens (yes we have two) to prepare 2 of the 3 giant turkeys that will be consumed (one of my many aunts brings the 3rd). When they are pulled from the ovens and set too cool a bit (can't cut a really hot turkey..the meat falls apart), my papa and I will frequently go and tear a piece of skin off and sneak it into our mouths. When the time comes for the turkey to be cut, my papa does the honours. However, we always share the first piece he cuts together. No one else. It is our little taste test...and I will really miss that this year.

So, without getting all weepy, Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Tough Choices

2006-11-16T14:35:00.000+02:00

No, it isn't an election choice. No, it isn't an activist choice. No, it isn't a choice of what holiday to take. For those of you who don't know, I decided at 31 to get my first tatoo. I had always wanted one. I decided on a pattern and it means something to me. It wasn't a decision I took lightly (knowing that it would be on my body until I die). The design was not anything "silly" and it represents an ideal and bond that is so dear to me. The indepth explination takes too long and involves me asking a very important question of you, the reader, and then going through an entire exchange of dialogue that only 4 people can actually do properly, and they know who they are. The tattoo also represents a bond to 2 other people that were involved in the evening I actually had it done (yay Leb and Sug!), but for entirely different reasons. Some people think tattoos are nasty. Some people think they are great. I think of my tattoo as a reminder of many things. It is an homage to an ideal and commitment and it is important to me. The design is celtic to remind me that family doesn't necessarily have to be biological in my case, and complex to remind me of the complexity and beauty of life, love and relationships and that:

Friendship is Love with Wings

Anywhoo, it is on my body and in a place where you will see it if I decide to show it to you. And I don't even have to compromise my virtues by showing it to anyone. I knew after I got it that I wanted another one.

So now to the choices...what to get and where to put it......

Happy Thursday

2006-11-09T09:18:00.000+02:00

Okay..so I get the news a bit later here (time difference and I have to sleep SOMETIME). I was biting my nails all day yesterday with Senate controll hanging in the balance. Woke up this morning tired and cranky..and then I read the news. I am a happy woman right now.

Some history making things as a result of this election:

1st Female Speaker of the House in US history: go kick some ass Pelosi

1st Congressman of Muslim faith: Rock on Minnesota's Keith Ellison

1st Socialist Senator: Vermont's Bernie Sanders and he is an Independent!!

1st record number of female Senators: 16!!!!

1st Black Governor of Massachusetts in its 218 year history: Deval Patrick - a man who ran a campaign that refused to run smear ads or use dirty tactics

All 6 female Senators up for re-election WON

On a happy note as well... Adios to Donald Rumsfeld.

All of this jumping up and down on my part is my intial reaction to the election. Going forward now I just hope the Dems and Independents can actually get some stuff done without looking like mean winners. What the Democratic Party does now will greatly influence the 2008 elections. Let's just hope the Dems accomplish something or at least try to accomplish something..

One word..

2006-11-01T09:31:00.000+02:00

HOTTIE!!

Even if you didn't like her music, the experience you got at her concert in Helsinki on the 30th was fucking insane. I think I wanna marry her....

How many cases?!

2006-10-25T14:33:00.000+03:00

Sometimes it is difficult to live in Finland. I try and I try to learn to speak Finnish and when I speak I always make mistakes. Yeah yeah, I know I should be patient (I have only lived in Finland for 3 years) but it is frustrating as hell! My Finnish class started in September (again) and my brain feels like it wants to ooze out my ears. Seriously, stab me in the eye with a rusty dull spoon and gouge it out – it would be less painful! And for those of you Finns who read this, don’t you dare tell me that if the 4 year old of your former-university-roommate’s-brother’s-cousin’s-34 IQ-point-having-moron can speak it quite fluently, it can’t be that hard! It is! And no freakin PhD who wrote an article in the local paper saying that it isn’t that hard will convince me otherwise! “15 declinations of a Finnish noun” isn’t hard? MY ASS it isn’t!!!! “Oh, but our language is logical.” BITE ME! It is NOT. It is NOT logical to remove letters from some words and then ADD ones that never existed to the MIDDLE of the word so that it “sounds” better! Or, if there are an indeterminate number of items in a group you have a whole new case for that frickin word!!!! Jesus my brain hurts! Make the mean language stop Mommy! WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can’t believe I even passed the National Profficiency Exam! Talk about making my head spin and my eyes bleed!

Can anyone tell that I have encountered one of those barriers in my learning where it doesn’t make any sense and I am willing to opt for brain surgery so it will make sense before it drives me any more insane than I already am? I am told the key is to drink heavily and it will eventually sort of “click”.

*Note: The Author, even though she is in need of her medication, actually speaks (according to several credible sources – including her Finnish professor) fairly fluent Finnish with an very acceptable accent. Said author is well aware of the perceived “illogical” structure of the English language. She also has the same reaction some Finnish speaking readers are having presently whenever someone feels the need to remind her if the “illogical” structure of English: “Well, the 4 year old of my former-university-roommate’s-brother’s-cousin’s-34 IQ-point-having-moron can speak it quite fluently.” Which translated means: Shut the fuck up and quit whining you pansy assed moron.

**Another Note: In all seriousness, I really do like the Finnish language. So all of you Finns who were about drag me for a trip behind the wood shed can just calm the heck down over there. If I didn’t like the language, I wouldn’t have spent so much effort learning it for the sole purpose of making less of an ass of myself than I normally do. Well that and I am incredibly juvenile and learning new curse words in several languages can be fun.

Being heard

2006-10-17T13:32:00.000+03:00

Some Finns ask me why I am really anxious to obtain my Finnish Citizenship. The answer is simply 4 words: My right to Vote. I am an avid believer in voting. The first major election I voted in was the 1992 election of President William Jefferson Clinton. I voted for him then AND in the next election. I would vote for him again if I could. (damn you FDR!! and the 22nd amendment!)

Often I hear people lamenting about the politicians in power or the state of the laws - both in the US and in Finland. When I ask people why they don't do anything about it a great deal of the time the response is that politicians are always crooked so there is nothing they can do about it.

My answer to that: Ignorant. Some accuse me of being an idealist or unrealistic in these issues. Why? Who says that 1 person can not make a difference in this world. If you don't like the way your government is run, put someone in there who WILL make a difference in your life or who you believe WILL act in the causes that you hold dear. If you don't vote then you don't have a right to complain. If you don't exercise your duty to have your voice heard then you relinquish your right to bitch and moan about the state of the state. Even if your "guy" didn't make it, you at least voted and can now and with full righteous indignation say that in your opinion your guy would have done better. Or if the politician you did vote for is NOT doing his/her job you can vote them out of office by voting for someone else who you think WILL get the job done. Be active in your community and fight for what you believe in.

This is why I can't wait to have my Finnish Citizenship! I still retain my US citizenship, and yes I still vote. Granted I am only able to vote in the Presidential Elections due to my residency in Finland, but hey..at least I get to vote! Unfortunately I discovered yesterday that it will take about 18 months to process my citizenship application..and I can't even submit it until Dec of 2007!...UGH... At least in 2008 I get to vote... And this is what I hope for:

Just amused me

2006-10-17T11:13:00.000+03:00

DANGEROUS: Whats for Dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST:Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE:Here, have some wine.

DANGEROUS:Are you wearing that?
SAFER:Wow, you sure look good in brown!
SAFEST:WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE:Here, have some wine

DANGEROUS:What are you so worked up about?
SAFER:Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST:Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE:Here, have some wine.

DANGEROUS:Should you be eating that?
SAFER:You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST:Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
ULTRA SAFE:Here, have some wine.

DANGEROUS:What did you DO all day?
SAFER:I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST:I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE:Here, have some more wine.

13 Things PMS Stands For:
1 Pass My Shotgun
2 Psychotic Mood Shift
3 Perpetual Munching Spree
4 Puffy Mid-Section
5 People Make me Sick
6 Provide Me with Sweets
7 Pardon My Sobbing
8 Pimples May Surface
9 Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuffand

my favorite one
13. Potential Murder Suspect

mmm Bacon

2006-10-16T15:01:00.000+03:00

Okay..random thought today. After spending a weekend in London and seeing the great Sir Derek Jacobi on stage, I have been obsessed with actors and actresses this week. Okay I know that truly great females in that profession should be called actors too, so don't get your knickers in a twist. Recently I stumbled across a website that has detailed information about a film which I love. This film is Funny Girl. Reason being - aside from the fact that it is Ms. Streisand, my uncle Lee Allen (dad's brother) was in the broadway production and film with her. On that website I found images of my uncle from scenes that were deleted from the final film. I also found one of the promotional photographs that they took together (I have a copy of that ..yes ..signed) It got me to thinking.. about Kevin Bacon... and how many degrees of Kevin Bacon my uncle is...

Lee Allen was in Funny Girl(1968) with Barbra Streisand.
Barbra Streisand was in Nuts (1987) with Eli Wallach
Eli Wallach was in Mystic River (2003) with Kevin Bacon
Answer: 3
So that makes little old ME only 4 degrees of Kevin Bacon!

Oh..and did I mention my Aunt Olivia (his wife) was on the cover of life in 1948?

Incase you cared - This is Uncle Lee with Babs..

It's the small joys of life :)

Poor Steve and David...oh wait..that is Derek

2006-10-09T14:10:00.000+03:00

It’s the little things. The artery clogging little things that make me smile. Just spent a weekend in London with Sug. Arteries are hardened a bit, liver is recovering and my wallet is bare. Note to self: Make sure you have more money than you think you need the next time you go to London. We laughed our arses off. I would have to say that the funniest part of the weekend occurred 15 minutes into our time together. I had arrived at the hotel before Sug (her train was an hour late) and left a note at the check-in desk that I was (surprise surprise) in the bar. I had had just enough time to order a beer, put down my bag and try to get relaxed from my planes, trains and automobiles journey when I heard the unmistakeable sound of an American accent in the corner of the bar. The hotel was a 4 or 5 star hotel that Sug got on the cheap and the hotel bar was one of those giant ceilinged rooms with the mahogany walls and leather sofas. You know, the kind of place that oozes history and posh. The woman in the corner was yelling loudly into her mobile to one of her collegues (Steve) that she didn’t do this and he was responsible for that yadda yadda yadda. I mean LOUD. Loud enough that when Sug arrived and we did the hug hello, I needed to DOWN my beer. Seriously. Sug told me not to worry – having not heard the woman because Steve had obviously gotten a word in edgewise for a minute. Suddenly Beth’s face just froze and her eyes got wide. We started laughing. It only got worse. So, we decided to drop our bags off in the room and head out to have some libations and nosh before Ethel Merman in the corner made our ears bleed. As we were standing and leaving the bar, Beth turns to the woman and says quite directly: “If I were Steve, I would kill myself.” - I almost peed myself laughing. Why is it that the loudest and most discourtious people in bars here in Europe are Americans?!?!?! Those people foster the idea that the rest of us are just like them! This woman was unbelievable!

So we ate at the Tattershall Castle (barge pub and restaurant) on the Enbankment, had big fry-ups for breakfast, visited the British Museum and went to a West End show (Thanks again Sug for buying my ticket). Of course, I kept calling Sir Derek Jacobi by the wrong name (David) and thought Sug was going to have apoplexy thinking I would call him the wrong name – after I made us go to the Stage Door (even though I kept saying it was her idea ;) ) so we could get a photo or an autograph. I promised (and kept that promise) I would not call him David. I called him Sir. He was very sweet to pose for a photo with each of us. The show was quite well written as well! It was fabulous to see such an accomplished artist on stage. We also had awesome Cream Tea in the crypt of St. Martin of the Fields – yum! The weather was entirely tolerable – rain in the day but clear in the late afternoons and evenings. All in all a great weekend.

And people wonder why..

2006-10-02T10:27:00.000+03:00

Some people wonder why I say I have no intention of moving back to the States any time soon. I get asked often here if I am living in Finland for the long haul or is it just a short term thing and then back to the land of cheap electronics, lower taxes and higher salaries. I contemplate it sometimes…but then I read things like this:

(courtesy of MSNBC.com and Reuters)
“Accused of killing deputy, suspect shot 68 times
‘We would have shot him more,’ sheriff says of SWAT team’s actions

MIAMI - A fugitive gunman accused of killing a Florida sheriff’s deputy was shot 68 times by SWAT team officers who found him hiding in the woods, according to autopsy results.
Police fired 110 shots at Angilo Freeland, 27, the target of a massive manhunt in central Florida following the shooting death of Polk County Sheriff’s Deputy Matt Williams Thursday.
“That’s all the bullets we had, or we would have shot him more,” Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd told the Orlando Sentinel newspaper….
…. Sheriff’s officials said SWAT team members found Freeland on Friday hiding under a fallen oak tree in a wooded area near where the deputies were shot, and began firing when they saw a gun in his hand.”

110 BULLETS!!! 68 of them found their mark. I am all for protecting yourself against a gun wielding person, but 110 bullets at this guy?! So much for ever having a fair trial

OH..and then this little gem:
(courtesy of MSNBC.com and the AP)

FBI examining Foley e-mail exchanges
Congressman sent explicit messages to underage male pages
“..Foley, R-Fla., quit Congress on Friday after the disclosure of the e-mails he sent to a former congressional page and sexually suggestive instant messages he sent to other high school pages…
…Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid of Nevada called the Foley case “repugnant, but equally as bad is the possibility that Republican leaders in the House of Representatives knew there was a problem and ignored it to preserve a congressional seat this election year.”
Reid said the case should be handled outside Congress.
“Under laws that Congressman Foley helped write, soliciting sex from a minor online is a federal crime,” Reid said. “The alleged crimes here are far outside the scope of any congressional committee, and the attorney general should open a full-scale investigation immediately.”……”

Family Values party by backside! And this slimebag helped write a law making soliciting sex from a minor on-line a federal crime!!

Klutz...

2006-09-28T14:17:00.000+03:00

Right. It is so hard to be cool when you are a klutz like me. Mira's mom is coming over tomorrow evening and we are all going out to dinner. BUT, for those of you who know me, you know that I clean like a demon when people are coming over. I will ask Hale, for instance, to please excuse the mess when there is a magazine on the table or something...

Monday we play squash. Tuesday I have my Finnish class until almost 8. Last night Mira had a work dinner thingie (which I ended up at the afterparty and stayed out way too late and am paying the price for it today). Tonight I have Finnish class again and tomorrow Mira's mom comes over. Soooo, Mira and I had an agreement. I would do some of the cleaning last night and she would finish up tonight. She does the stuff I hate.

I will preface this with saying that this morning Mira told me that the apartment looked "perfect" :) I even moved all the funiture and vacuumed the skirting boards so that the dust bunnies wouldn't reform in under 2 days. All the while Tom Jones is blaring out of our sound system. Gotta have either Tom or Melissa when I clean... Anywho..I was standing in the wc and was starting to organize the cabinet in there. I noticed something on the floor so I bent down to pick it up. When I raised my head, I had in 2 seconds forgotten that I had left the cabinet door open (which is a mirror door..all glass). SLAM! Nice deep gash in my forehead! Blood everywhere. Now I look like Harry Frickin Potter!

I told people at work I got in a gang fight... Me and Harry...kickin' it Suomi style..

Drugs Drugs Drugs

2006-09-14T12:18:00.000+03:00

So I went to the Doctor yesterday. It is a new doctor. My company changed healthcare services so now we have a better choice of healthcenters to go to. All private, all really nice. I opted for the one on Keskuskatu, which is a short bus or tram or metro ride from my house. My new doctor is awesome. She is professional, and also very easy going which makes it much easier to ask all those questions you have but put off asking cause the doc gives you the willies in one way or another. What surprised me was that when she opened the door and called my name, she said it PROPERLY! What a shocker! Turns out the woman speaks French, Portuguese, Spanish, Italian, English and Finnish! She also looks like she is 15. Which is oddly disturbing in a way.

Anywho..She told me after listening to my lungs, checking my sinuses, ears, and throat that I have: keuhkoputkentulehdus - which is finnish for: Bronchitis. She also says that I was really close to a nasty ear infection too. She armed me with 5 prescriptions (antibiotics, non-narcotic pain relievers, an antihisthamine that has a decongegstant in it, a thing to protect my tummy lining from all these meds, and a cough syrup that has codine). So..I take 2 pills twice a day, 1 pill 3 times a day, 1 pill once a day and a good hard swig of codine laced goodness (except for the salmiakki taste it has - ick!) at bedtime. Talk about feeling like a lab rat! At least I don't have an inhaler! K (and also my Doc) pointed out that maybe this is a sign to kick the smoking thing..since I keep getting respiratory infections. Not that smoking causes them, but it doesn't help any. The Doc was also wants me to have all of my records of the 43936246 tests I had last year forwarded to them . I signed the consent form the minute I left her. She wants to take a good hard look at them and stuff. Joy of joys..I get to have my 1st mamogram... Now I am all for the screening. I am all for women getting one early and yearly. I would rather know I am fine than just assume it...but part of me is a bit scared of it. The booby fairy was generous to me so I am not relishing the idea of my breast being flattened like a pancake..

Aside from only being out of the house to get food for the fridge (all of 5 mintues) and the Doc, I was stuck in the house for almost 5 days staring at the same 4 walls. Now, don't get me wrong - being home on the sofa can be waaay relaxing. But when you feel like crap it isn't so much on the relaxing part. Not to mention I have been dealing with work emails and calls from a Service Manager asking if I would help a junior member of our department when I am back at work...

Just sayin...

Bridezilla

2006-09-12T10:48:00.000+03:00

Right. Friday we met some friends for a few libations and ended up going home early. The Finn had had a few with a work mate before we met Hale and Pia at Nalle for a few more. By 10, we were leaving and getting our butts home (Hale and Pia know why). Anyway..initially I felt quite tired on Friday and sort of achey. Woke up on Saturday with a congested chest that I figured was due to the copious amounts of cigarette smoke in the bar and my lungs (really do need to kick that habit)... Saturday evening we attended the 30th birthday party of one of Mira's old schoolmates. Towards about 10, I started to really not feel so well... Fast forward to Sunday and a full blown chest and head cold has lodged itself firmly in my system. Monday - did anyone get the number of that truck that ran me over? Today - I think it came around for a second go at me. I went to bed last night feeling better than when I woke up that morning..and now it feels worse?!?! WTF?!?!?!

On a happy note, I randomly signed into AOL IM at 9 something this morning and my SUG was on line (thanks to the time diff). Got to chat with the Sugsta for a good 30 mintues before she had to take herself off to sleepy land. We discovered today (last night for her), after thinking about it, I have known her for almost 15 years. She has been my best friend for quite a while. In ALL of the years that we have known each other, we have NEVER had an argument. Freaky. Of course, then we went on to discuss how long it has been since I moved and stuff and we sort of began to get weepy and crap. We put a stop to that right there! None of that shit thanks! She also told me that I have to grab the Finn and move the hell back to the US (Cali perferably). She said something about my little Portuguese/French blood not being able to handle the weather here or somethin. Funnily enough, we both come from Boston - can you say very very similar climate? I knew you could.

Sadly, moving to the US isn't in the cards right now. Silly little things like..um..a green card, jobs, money. Piddly I know, but still. Besides, SUG should move to Finland! I am sure she and her hubby would LOVE the tropical climate, low taxes and high wages.

I get to hang with Sug in London in a few weeks (for a few days), so that is good. She is going to visit her family in the Midlands. She actually did try to see about a side trip to Suomi, but unfortunately it would have more than doubled the cost of just her plane tickets. It is far mor economical for me to hop down to London. Cream tea here we come - not to mention copious amounts of alcohol and laughter...

Question: If there was a bridezilla in a horror/suspense movie - you know, the character you really WANT to see get added to the death toll in a right nasty fashion - what way would it be most satisfying for her to die? - Tower falling on her, eaten alive by cockroaches from hell...sawed in half by the caterer???.... Just sayin

Lovely

2006-08-28T12:15:00.000+03:00

Facts (thanks Amanda):

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

A turtle can breath out of its bum!

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

This is just...

2006-08-25T14:41:00.000+03:00

Um...er...

Damn

2006-08-25T14:39:00.000+03:00

What about the ones who AREN'T getting any???

(photo taken while in a queue in London)

Brimming with Pride

2006-08-25T10:13:00.000+03:00

And the drunkest cities in America (according to Forbes)...
1.) Milwakee
2.) Minneapolis
3.) Columbus
4.) BOSTON!!!!!
5.) Austin

Not only do we have a kick ass football team and the Sox..but we are great drinkers too!!!

Something to be proud of :)

Hmmm

2006-08-24T10:17:00.000+03:00

So my boss just offered me (at 17 last evening) the possibility of working in Copenhagen for the rest of the year. Told her I couldn't say yes without discussing it first at home. So the Finn and I had a chat..and surprisingly I got the go-ahead :) The daily tax free stipend (päivä raha) doesn't hurt. It would help us remove the remodeling loan and some debt by the end of the year...and hell it is Copenhagen!

So..our Denmark office is getting my CV today and I could be on a plane in the very short near future. It isn't definite yet, but it is 90% sure.. I guess it is a good thing I didn't buy those tickets to London from Helsinki yet. Have to do it from Copenhagen to London :)

Considering...

2006-08-24T09:51:00.000+03:00

I am considering moving my blog to MSN spaces... Lots more possibilities for pictures and sounds and stuff... Any opinions are welcome.

I would put a link in here so that you can get to it...

Top 10 - England

2006-08-15T14:41:00.000+03:00

10. Tripping over the sliding glass door threshold 4 times prompting Kristin to ban me entering the house from the garden via that door and relegating me to using the Garage door.
9. Getting a Krispy Kreme doughnut..in ENGLAND.
8. Scones with Clotted Cream and Jam
7. Watching both seasons of Grey’s Anatomy.. Seriously
6. Kristin takes a digger - magic
5. Breaking D’s TV ..mulitple times – damned Media Center and new fangled technology
4. Pub fish and chips at The George and getting a 30 minute “No picking on Stephanie” allowance – except K only lasted 13 minutes.
3. Having your flight cancelled because of stoopid-head terrorists and spending an additional 3 days in Blighty because BA couldn’t get us out before Monday
2. Drunk dialing your friends and telling them they love Cancer Chick more than you when they answer HER drunk dialing call and not yours
1. Getting to go back all over again in 6 weeks to have a long weekend with my Sug and lots of G & Ts

Compliments

2006-07-19T13:31:00.000+03:00

I got the best compliment yesterday. I was told that my sense of humor (writing and observation) is not slapstick but more along the lines of a Dennis Leary :) How cool of a compliment is THAT?! I sent my very good friend Amanda (South African but with a UK passport..go figure) to the blog entry I had posted after getting over the blah's so she could read it. I would have sent SUG there first, but the time diff means she is drooling on her pillow right now. I have to say I love having friends that get the long winded joke in that blog. Why surround yourself with people who only find bathroom humor funny? I am not saying there is anything wrong with bathroom humor, but I go for more of the cerebral humor. Not the pompus kind. The dry, sarcastic kind. For example, Dennis Leary. Love his comedy. It is biting, cerebral, sarcastic, and profanity ladened without being pompus. He has worked very hard to have the “working man’s image” – chain smoking Marlboro’s, drinking tons of coffee and booze and not wearing designer labels. But when his comedy is analyzed, it is entirely NOT bathroom humor. What makes him enjoyable to all the regular joes out there is the fact that he presents himself as the same kind of hardworking construction shmuck as the next guy but with an axe to grind. If you have never heard the song “Asshole” by him, you MUST listen to it. So, I am quite honored to have been told I have a similar humor to him.

That sucking sound you just heard was the air being sucked out of the room to allow space for my ego :)

Monkeys

2006-07-19T13:06:00.000+03:00

Was on my way home from a bar (surprise) and decided that I would try again to contact the other side of my brain – Sug. Miracle of miracles, she finally answered her phone and wasn’t in a meeting from hell. Little did I know the reason behind that availability was that her job had been outsourced on Monday morning and here it was Tuesday afternoon in California. She was out driving around doing errands in the Durango. I have not laughed that hard during a conversation in a while. Totally owe the Sugsta for kick starting my creativity again. We were discussing senses of humor and shiznit and I was whining about how I had this HUGE burst of creativity on Friday Night/Saturday Morning. Was laying on my bed hugging a pillow after a few drinks out (surprise surprise) while the Finnish midget was emailing her friend and I began to talk to myself. This, the random statements not the boozing, is not a surprise for those people who know me well. Random thoughts issue forth from my gob at the most inopertune times. I usually blame it on Terrets, which I don’t have, but people don’t know that so they have to go around being all politically correct to me – ‘cause you don’t want to upset the person with a disease right?.. Anyway, I am laying there drunk, and wow my brain starts firing out all these things that are “pathetic”..I was on a roll people. I was making MYSELF laugh audibly and I figured GREAT. I jump up, run to the living room and grab my trusty laptop. Race back to my bed, get myself all situated with the pillows in the right place (comfort is usually conducive to writing for me) and ya know what happens? NOTHING. The entire rant that I had come up with was gone. Poof. Off to see the Aether Bunny without so much as note saying “Ciao, and don’t forget to turn of the iron!”. So now only snipits of that world class observation on the human condition remain. Sug suggested I grab one of those digital voice recorders so I can record what I want when it happens. She goes on to tell me that the creative process that we have in common is a right brain-left brain thing. If this is true, and she is the other side of my brain, then that bizatch has been stealing my ideas! Damn you Sug! I always knew I was the driving creative force in this duo. Sort of like the Wonder Twins, but our power is biting sarcastic and cerebral humor – without the monkey. Although having a monkey could be cool. I digress.

The rant “Pathetic” is gone forever, which is sad, but I still think that Sug helped me get out of my creative funk by relinquishing control of the creative part of my brain back to me. See, she may be this really great screen writer, but I am the one with random stuff issuing forth from my piehole which induces side splitting laughter. Okay, it is only splitting my own side, but that is what counts. I don’t care what makes other people laugh. I just like to pontificate (word of the day) on politics, religion, small monkeys, cheese, Belgium, etc, all to hear my own laughter. ‘Cause isn’t that what it’s really about? Amusing yourself at someone else’s expense? Come on folks, don’t you dare sit there and tell me you have never, or never had the desire to laugh out right at someone else’s stupid behavior, deformity, intelligence level, yadda yadda. If you try to say: “Oh, no! I would never do something like that.”, you are liar. Worse, you are BAD liar. If you are gonna lie, at least be good at it people. I find nothing wrong with pointing and laughing at stupid people. It is what makes life worth living sometimes. Seriously, human beings are so incredibly stupid sometimes it is not surprising how close we are in DNA to a frickin chimp. See..it all comes back to the monkey.

Brain Dead

2006-07-07T14:31:00.000+03:00

I have no idea what is up with me lately. I am completely brain dead. More so than usual. I have not a spark of creativity in me. Could it be that work is just mind numbing lately? Could it be that I can't wait for my next holiday time to start (24th of July) and am looking forward to the 3 weeks I will have to myself.

I am just blah.

Independence Day

2006-07-04T10:11:00.000+03:00

Happy 4th to all my fellow US Citizens! Roll out the BBQ, Beer and Fireworks!

Ahhhh

2006-06-30T14:10:00.000+03:00

Been up to my eyes at work and was on a happy holiday in the sunny Algarve. No joke. 35 degrees Celsius, shining sun and a slight breeze. Now, I am normally not one to complain about heat. I am a sun baby and I love being out in it. However, this was some seriously hot sun folks. I felt like my Portuguese butt was being roasted, an apple was about to be shoved in my mouth and I would be served up at the next bbq. Seriously baking :) Just the way I like it.

The trip was great. We drank quite a bit of wine and lazed about in the sun most days. Naps are essential to a good day. Mmmmm naps.

Interestingly, there were less Portuguese people there than one would suspect. I realized it was quite a tourist area (although we were lucky enough to have a villa outside of Albufeira so we avoided most of the crunch), however, I really had forgotten exactly how many English and German people invaded. Holy Hell! Anyone for a proper fry up? EVERY restaurant has a “proper English breakfast” and some have the American version. Tons of English dishes to be had at the restaurants. Now, correct me if I am wrong, but wasn’t I in PORTUGAL? Why the hell would someone (English) want to have their (English) dishes they can get at any old (English) pub? Isn’t the point to experience and enjoy the “native” food? It isn’t like there is a derth of choices in Portugal for food – rabbit, beef, pork, chicken, fish (about a zillion types), shell fish, pasta, baked goods (mmmm yum) all made with actual herbs and spices unlike SOME (English) food. And before Sug starts goin on a rant about fought over real estate being valuable real estate (extra points if anyone besides Beth gets that reference), ackadak languages, Her Majesty’s Empire and cheap help, I would like to point out that Portuguese food is some seriously good eatin. Unlike the boil it till it’s grey mentatlity one experiences..ahem..elswhere.

I am already missing the herbs and spices used there. Not to be mean to Finland, but..to my Finnish brothas and sistahs..there are more spices than just pepper, salt, and crappy chili powder that has no kick. There is nothing like a garlic ladened proper FULL meat and fat sausage (mmmmmm Portuguese churiço), or mussels in a cataplana, or spit roasted picanha (wikipedia explination for you non portuguese food savy types..Oh and Beth..in case you wanna try it: Picanha Churrascaria – 269 E. Palm Ave in Burbank). Now, before you get your panties in a bunch..I know it is a Brazillian way of making the food. HOWEVER, Brazil was discovered by the Portuguese in 1500 (Pedro Álvares Cabral)- pay no attention to the indigenous people folks – they didn’t have a flag and even Beth knows what happens when you don’t have a flag. So, Brazilian food is Portuguese food. And I am also the queen of the universe. Don’t tempt me to smite you.

I should say this though. God love the English, and Germans for bringing a decent beer to the Algarve. I can’t STAND the piss they try to pass off as beer! We drank (not including those bottles at restaurants) 35 bottles of wine during the week. By Friday, I was so jonesin for a beer it wasn’t even funny. I was NOT going to dring Sagres and the “Super Bock” concoction they try to pass off as beer makes me wanna hurl. All hale the E.S.B! Oh and I can’t leave out the Irish..:Guiness is the nectar of the gods.

All in all it was a great trip…we left there with 1 more large suitcase than we arrived with. We have priorities here..had to have space for the wine and Cachaça. I won’t bore you with the details of how brown I am or how rested I became. Love Portugal..land of my heart..

Vroom vroom vroom

2006-06-14T12:42:00.000+03:00

Reacap: Motorcycle gathering was pretty damned good. Cold as $h!t in the tent at night though. Crowning moments: 1.) 4 ladies packed evening dresses in their saddle bags and wore them on Saturday night and 2.) watching an 8 month pregnant lady riding a motorcycle. Weather was great..no rain! Not so cool item: I think I caught a cold. Either got it from my friend Tii, or from shivering my arse off in a tent..either way..don’t feel so good right now. I thought it was my allergies when I woke up this morning. Sadly, it does not appear I am that lucky.

This suxors. I am leaving for a week in Portugal (the Algarve) on Saturday morning at 08:15 with Mira, Satu and Kati. Hopefully this doesn’t linger and goes away soon. I really don’t want to be sick on my holiday..however, there is nothing I can do but medicate and rest and see what happens. My friend Amanda advocates a stiff hot toddy and a good night of rest. I may just take her up on that suggestion.

I was supposed to be sitting the exam for my ISEB Practitioner Certificate today. Project’s too crazy, so I can’t. Had my attendance moved to the next exam in the autum. On the good side it gives me more time to study. On the bad side it gives me more time to stress. I am a horrible test-taker folks. My mind goes completely blank and I freeze. I could know the material cold, but put me in an exam situation and I am a drooling idiot.

On a surprisingly maliciously happy note, my PM has to do my job when I am on vacation. Small joys.

La la la la la Jesse's Girl....

2006-06-07T15:01:00.000+03:00

Okay, so I deluded myself yesterday. A common occurrence, but this time I hit the mother load of denial and deliberate delusion. For years my best friend has relentlessly and ruthlessly - alright not so ruthless as she is a mushball with a finely crafted illusion of toughness - serenaded me, in her fine warbling voice, with strains of "Jesse's Girl" because she seems to be under the impression that 1 photo I mistakenly showed her of me remained her of Rick - frickin-Springfield.

For years, I thought she was severely in need of medication. Okay she IS in need of medication for other various reasons, but this one was the Big Kahuna. How can one defend HERSELF when she is being told she looks like an 80's MALE soap opera star cum singer? I had nuthin. My brain seized every time she would belt out the chorus at me. My brain's ability to generate any kind of snarky response was instantaneously thwarted by the cryptonite contained in the simple words of: "You know, I wish that I had Jessie's girl. I wish that I had Jessie's girl.." It was like some sick cosmic force just clamped my mouth shut and only allowed my brain to perfom the basic -keep your body alive-functions. Our usual quick and witty banter was reduced to me being practically apoplectic and doing the thorazine shuffle all at the same time.

Well, as some of you know, I cut my hair completely off soon after moving to Finland. Beth has some long hippy flowerchild thick blonde hair (damn her!) and I had long,dark, not so thick -and liberally dusted with white (including the Cruella DeVille streak in the front) hair. Ponytails and baseball caps in the summer just to keep my body from getting overheated was a common occurance. Beth washes her hair and it takes a frickin whole day (and sometimes more) to even get REMOTELY dry. Hair to your ass has that unfortunate side effect.

So I decided recently that I would forgo the buzzer and actually let my hair grow back a bit. Call me crazy, but I sort of missed the weight of it. Anywhozywhatsit, even though I am growing it back, it is still required to visit the hairdresser to get it trimmed so that I don't end up with a photo on the mullet website. Yesterday I went. I even had most of the white dyed out but kept the DeVille streak because, frankly, it is cool and what's more I LIKE it. The hairdresser proceeds to do a fabulous job and then blow it dry all poofy like. If you know me, poofy hair on me went out in the 80's--along with the Aquanet hairspray, pegged jeans, Champion sweatshirt and penny loafers. When I looked in the mirror I just smiled. Not out of politeness, but just because I couldn't believe what I saw. I was transported back in time to when every girl wanted the Dorothy Hammel. I am not kidding. I can still remember my Dorothy Hammel skating doll. Any cracks about that folks and you will have stumps for limbs. There was NOTHING wrong with having a Dorothy Hammel doll (sort of in the tradition of the Barbie but she was on her skates and stood in this lovely stand)..

I was so impressed that I looked like her that I even emailed K and told her so. I was all about the haircut. Fastforward to this morning after taking the time to blow dry the hair and put some product in it, I promptly slammed my motorcycle helmet on my head and went to work. Remove Helmet and BAM.....LALALALALALA Jesse's Girl...... DAMN YOU SUG!! You are 10 bizillion miles and 345626 timezones away and you STILL got me to suffer apoplexy!!!

Stuff

2006-06-03T15:27:00.000+03:00

Idiotic doctors went and punctured my aunt's colon during a routine colonoscopy..bastids. She ended up in emergency surgery to repair the additional hole they created in her bum.. Dad and Peg are driving to Maine to see her...

My namesake (cousin Stephanie) graduated from High School today... WOW do I feel old. I remember when she was born and her dad (my Dad's nephew) told me that he and his wife were naming her after me.. I was so honored.. She was an adorable baby...

Getting ready for a women's motorcycle gathering next weekend..should be fun. I also have to pack for Portugal when I return from the biker thing. Not to mention we need to paint the doors in the house the night before we leave... the strength of the odor from the paint will be too strong for us to sleep here then, so we are staying at Satu's and then all going to the airport for our 08:15 flight...yay Portugal - sun, terraces, sangria, wine shops, great food. I am being Julie the Cruise Director on this trip (K: I will try to do you proud)..and also the translator... 3 Fins and an Americanized Portuguese woman are decending upon the Algarve for a week of relaxation... We have rented a Villa from a lovely German couple and have our own private terrace and there is a giant pool and it is 10 minutes from Albufeira :) Beach restaurants and afternoon siesta..heaven on earth...

"Paying your ass blue"

2006-05-23T14:29:00.000+03:00

That is something Hank called what you do when you lose or have your wallet stolen and have to replace everything in it... Well I didn't pay it blue..but more of an aquamarine... I had to pay the 50€ for a duplicate license, 10€ for the temporary one incase the coppers stop me while my dup is being made - I don't look like a raving lunatic axe murderer like Hank, but I didn't want the 35€ fine if they stopped me and I didn't have it - 12€ to the credit people for canceling my cards so they wouldn't be used.. A new travel card would cost 8€, and a new Kela card too..and a new travel insurance card... yaddayaddayadda

..Payed all that money to have my wallet delivered in the post... Seriously. It was found in a trash can and sent to me...with everything in it.. Mom obviously gave me some luck... including at the Roulette table... I hit twice :)

.....

The Visit...

2006-05-23T14:19:00.000+03:00

..has come to a close. After being awake for 36 hours, and flying across multiple timezones, my mom and sister arrived in Helsinki…I will try not to rehash the whole turist portion of the visit (places and stuff), but I will give a few highlights and opinions:

- Grand Casino Dinner Show – Mom loved it and even got a photo with her and Mr. Rönning for her birthday – to which she promptly remarked as he walked away: “oooh..he smelled GOOD!!!”…He then found us in the casino 5 minutes later and gave Mom an autographed photo with his best wishes for her birthday - very classy of him…and she said he still smelled good. Note: Nina Tapio is a hottie..oh and she sings well too ;)

- Harbor Cruise – sister almost puked after I told her she had just eaten smoked reindeer – Mom laughed to hard she almost peed herself – quality.

- Porvoo – not the easiest place when you’re in a wheelchair but wonderful to see mom with powdered sugar on her cheek from eating a pastry and laughing.

- New Card Game (Riisti Seiska) – addictive to Mom and the sister…45624352 games later they still wanted to play more

- Kauppatori – kitch kitch kitch…of which my sister bought plenty…and mom none.

- Eurovision – Finland WON (hell HAS frozen over) and my Mom was proud :) I think she is secretly Finnish…

- Ratty T-shirts and ripped jeans with disgustingly dirty sneakers is NOT appropriate dinner attire for Saaga..

- Talking with your mouth full of food is gross…and when Mom tells you to stop; you should, or I will kick you.

- Priceless: Mom carrying around 6 grand because she wasn’t sure how much she was gonna need and then forcing 50 euro and 100 euro notes into my hand to help with “paying for parking” (the 3 euros I put in the parking meter was plenty thank you)...all the while my sister is jealously and greedily watching the money change hands. I had to take it even though I protested for 10 minutes that I didn’t want it..when mom says your name a specific way and gives you the “look”..you are instantly no longer in your mid 30’s..you are 12, quietly mumble “yes ma’am” and take the money.

I will admit to crying when my I wheeled my Mom to the gate at the airport and said goodbye. I will also admit to wanting to throttle my sister within an inch of her life for patronizing my mother so much it made me physically ill. Just because mom needs a wheelchair to get around does not mean she is a baby or has lost her faculties damn it. My mother is a very proud woman. She hates being a “burden” to anyone; so the mobility issues she has now which require a wheelchair is quite depressing for her. It also doesn’t help that my sister treats her like she is 2 frickin years old…GRRRRRRR I did discover where I get the ability to get quiet for periods of time and not say anything though. No jokes people..Ask Mira. Seriously, my Mom and I are able to sit together and not say anything and it not be uncomfortable…sister..not so much.
Anywho..I loved that my Mom was here and I am sad she is back in the States…she could have stayed on for a month and I would have been over the moon. Mom is so easy to please. She is quieter now than I remember, but still feisty at times. She was open to trying anything…food, place, experience..I LOVE that about her. I also love having my mom around…not so much on the sibling (in case you didn’t figure that out already).

TMI - theraputic spewing..all about me.

2006-05-10T10:21:00.000+03:00

I am such a jerk. Sometimes I relize what I brat I am. When I moved to Finland, I was happy about not being so damned geographically close to certain members of my family. Let’s face it, I am not the easiest person to get along with occasionally. Growing up the youngest of 4 children had its advantages. For example, I bold faced lied to my mom that I did’t break my brother’s guitar: “I am too short to reach it, how could it have been me?” I was always the little one (am not the shortest anymore though). My papa called me “peanut”. Which was a shortened version of what he originally called me: “pint of peanuts” because I was so small and skinny. I had stick legs with knobby knees and skinny little arms and a flat belly. Of course, running around like a maniac didn’t hurt to keep the fat off. Oh how I wish I still had that energy.

Right, where was I…oh yeah.: So a history. I have 2 older brothers and and older sister. Mom and Dad were good Catholics and popped out us brats very very close together. There are 16 months separating my oldest brother Roger and my sister Michelle and then 16 months separating my brother William and myself. I am not trying to be a bitch here, but to be honest – Roger and I are gifted. We always have been. We both actually had the problem where we had to take advanced classes and in some cases university level courses during our pre-university schooling because we weren’t challenged enough. The geek lable came early for us folks. It isn’t something we asked for, it just was. Languages, humanities and the like come easy and in my brother’s case, he is freakishly smart with science and math. My other siblings were, unfortunately, not as gifted academically. I say unfortunately because my father and mother put a very heavy emphasis on education and in some cases they put too much pressure on us. There came a time where they finally accepted that William and Michelle were gifted in other ways, but not in the way that made school easy for them.

The pressure to succeed academically was heinous for me. My oldest brother is a certified genius. No joke. He is a freak of nature (in a good way). He thinks in levels that I am just not wired to be able to understand. As a result, Mr. Brain would come home with greater than a 4.0 average (for you Finn’s he got higher than 10’s), be captain of the debate team, in the drama club, Mensa, French National Honour Society, yadda yadda yadda. So the comparison was inevitable.

As a result of all of the pressure my brother felt (or if it is just his wiring), he is one of the most emotionally reserved people I know. He does not form emotional attachments very easily. He is a good person, but just aloof. He doesn’t call family members, shuns family gatherings, and even “forgets” to call my Dad on his birthday or Father’s Day. How much of this is active resentment I have no idea. It was as if everything was reversed. He would be praised for being so gifted and I would have pressure to step up to his level. Now I was, selfishly, reveling in his distance. I became the kid who was always there to help, at every family gathering, remembering EVERYONE’s birthdays with cards and a small gift; always THERE. It isn’t that I did these things JUST to usurp his place as Mr. Perfect. I genuinely love my family. But sometimes I would do things out of purely selfish motives and not because I really wanted to. Looking back, it doesn’t feel so good to have been that shallow.

Anyway, at some point, my selfish reasons no longer existed. I really, genuinely enjoy being there for my family. It was as I entered my late 20’s early 30’s that I really began to realize that I had sort of backed myself into a corner in some ways. As much as I truly loved seeing my Papa every other week for dinner, it became increasingly easy for certain people (my step mom) to guilt me into doing things I really didn’t want to do. It is a character weakness in myself I realize, but she is the world’s BEST at guilt trips. My happiness at seeing my Papa for dinner became a bit soured with the guilt trips I would receive if I had to cancel. It became assumed that I am the good child – where my brother didn’t call, I would call 3 times a week. Where my brother didn’t visit, I would be there twice a month. When their wedding anniversary came around (right before I moved), I was the one that planned the 200 person party – complete with the Priest that married them.

After moving, I was relieved to not have those “responsibilities” any longer. I was happy to be able to call them once a week or have them call me. The pressure (mostly self-induced but not wholely) was off. I do miss them – terribly. But the distance has been healthy for me.
Que the Guilt:

Yesterday I got an email, after my Step-Mom tried to call me twice, stating that my Dad is in the hospital with a rather dangerous infection in his leg caused by staph which entered his system somehow. It is an internal infection, so not contagious, but if not treated could have been life threatening. He loathes doctors in all forms – just like me. I learned that behaviour from him. He insisted he was fine but after a few visits to the ER, they admitted him. He is going to be OK as far as we can tell, but it still worries me. I know his infection is being treated, and that he is getting great care, but I am afraid he won’t follow the Dr’s instructions. I called him immediately in his hospital room when Peggy sent me the email and told him he would do anything to get out of work! He laughed and I almost cried. I really love my Papa’s laugh. It is deep and from his belly. The kind of laugh that wraps around me and makes me feel safe. He is required to be off his leg for 2 weeks. The Dr told him and he said to me: “I am think it is a bit extreme for me to be out of work for 2 weeks.” ---let’s just hope he doesn’t end up back in the hospital…

I feel so damned guilty for not being there and am worried about my Papa. I am the only child that calls regularly and that really takes an active interest in their lives. It makes me so sad that their other children are just checked out.

…right enough whining

Karma

2006-05-04T09:50:00.000+03:00

I don't know if I killed a nun or kicked a puppy in a former life, however, if there is such a thing as Karma, it just bit me in my abundant gluteus maximus. Yesterday was the day from hell. Not only did I have meetings continuously (to the point where I actually was 5 minutes late for one and had to explain my tardiness because of having to pee - lemme tell ya my PM turned red at that one..hey that is what you get for asking why after I apologized for being 5 fucking minutes late) - my wallet was stolen from my backpack on my way home. Some enterprising and obviously very talented pickpocket removed it from the outside pocket of my backpack somewhere between the main trainstation and home.

I didn't realize it was gone until I arrived at a bus stop and tried to retrieve it (my travel pass was in it) in order to pay the bus fare. I proceeded to dump the entire contents on the bus stop bench (freshly wrapped salmon from the store as well) and frantically search for it...all the while my blood pressure is rising, my heart rate speeding up and my stomach going into a knot that would make a sailor proud. After searching for a good 10 minutes...nada.

Arrive home via tram (thankfully you can buy tickets with your mobile phone here for the tram) and walk through the door. Mira comes happily bounding around the corner to give me a hug and pusu hello with a big smile on her face (it is adorable..she does it every day and it usually makes me smile) when she notices the grey color of my skin and the redness to my eyes which signals eminent tears and stops dead in her tracks. She asks what's wrong and I tell her. She then asks me calmly to retrace my steps in my head and tell her where I was and what I did and also to dump the backpack contents on the bed (luckily the salmon was well wrapped).... Nada again...

So..after inventorying my wallet (what I remember was in it), calls to the bank to cancel my cards, the police to file a police report we finally started dinner.

Karma just gave me no Finnish id, and no bank card, no travel card, no travel insurance card, no web bank codes..... BASTARDS!!!!! The only saving grace of this whole thing (and it is ironic too) is that I am as poor as a church mouse right now and the 1 credit card I have here was actually in my pocket due to using it to pay for the dinner fixings...

We then decided it was time to break into the Moët & Chandon and celebrate that it could have been worse...

So today it is off to the bank with my passport (luckily that was at home) to get them to send me a new web bank code card, then to the police station to get a new license ordered...meetings be damned!

Shoot me

2006-05-01T04:35:00.000+03:00

Okay...04:35 am and we just got home.... Too much alcohol... Folks...my inner kareoke singer came out... Holy hell.. I just sang "Don't let the sun go down on me" in a giant gay bar...

does this mean I have reached rock bottom and require an intervention....Sug? K?...anyone???? Seriously...450 gay men were applauding and telling me how wonderful I am..there is something seriously wrong with this picture....

...right...off to brush my teeth and sleep.... oh and the sun is coming up...

Vappu

2006-04-28T14:22:00.000+03:00

Vappu, closest translation in english Labor Day, is the day when the whole of Finland is drunk...I mean really drunk, everyone drinks until (s)he runs out of money or is unable to swallow. And there's some kind of holiday on 1st of May too. (thankfully mom isn't visiting until the 16th :) )

This weekend is bound to be filled with drunken debauchery. Not that I would participate. I am not like that. I will sit sedately home and have a knitting circle. ---NOT---

So this weekend is filled with drinking, balloons, public displays of affection (which is really not common here in Finland) and then more drinking. It also marks the unofficial start of Spring. Layers of clothes are pealed off (despite the weather..and it has been known to snow on Vappu) and silly behaviour is abundant. Okay..sounds like a typical weekend for me..minus the balloons...

Not only is it Vappu, but the Grey Bullet has been liberated from storage. Yes folks, the Black Widow (all 750 cc's of her) has been officially put in to use for the next 6 months. She is just as beautiful as I remember and I have smiled from ear to ear today driving to work...

So..Hauskaa Vappua everyone!!!