Monkeys

Was on my way home from a bar (surprise) and decided that I would try again to contact the other side of my brain – Sug. Miracle of miracles, she finally answered her phone and wasn’t in a meeting from hell. Little did I know the reason behind that availability was that her job had been outsourced on Monday morning and here it was Tuesday afternoon in California. She was out driving around doing errands in the Durango. I have not laughed that hard during a conversation in a while. Totally owe the Sugsta for kick starting my creativity again. We were discussing senses of humor and shiznit and I was whining about how I had this HUGE burst of creativity on Friday Night/Saturday Morning. Was laying on my bed hugging a pillow after a few drinks out (surprise surprise) while the Finnish midget was emailing her friend and I began to talk to myself. This, the random statements not the boozing, is not a surprise for those people who know me well. Random thoughts issue forth from my gob at the most inopertune times. I usually blame it on Terrets, which I don’t have, but people don’t know that so they have to go around being all politically correct to me – ‘cause you don’t want to upset the person with a disease right?.. Anyway, I am laying there drunk, and wow my brain starts firing out all these things that are “pathetic”..I was on a roll people. I was making MYSELF laugh audibly and I figured GREAT. I jump up, run to the living room and grab my trusty laptop. Race back to my bed, get myself all situated with the pillows in the right place (comfort is usually conducive to writing for me) and ya know what happens? NOTHING. The entire rant that I had come up with was gone. Poof. Off to see the Aether Bunny without so much as note saying “Ciao, and don’t forget to turn of the iron!”. So now only snipits of that world class observation on the human condition remain. Sug suggested I grab one of those digital voice recorders so I can record what I want when it happens. She goes on to tell me that the creative process that we have in common is a right brain-left brain thing. If this is true, and she is the other side of my brain, then that bizatch has been stealing my ideas! Damn you Sug! I always knew I was the driving creative force in this duo. Sort of like the Wonder Twins, but our power is biting sarcastic and cerebral humor – without the monkey. Although having a monkey could be cool. I digress.

The rant “Pathetic” is gone forever, which is sad, but I still think that Sug helped me get out of my creative funk by relinquishing control of the creative part of my brain back to me. See, she may be this really great screen writer, but I am the one with random stuff issuing forth from my piehole which induces side splitting laughter. Okay, it is only splitting my own side, but that is what counts. I don’t care what makes other people laugh. I just like to pontificate (word of the day) on politics, religion, small monkeys, cheese, Belgium, etc, all to hear my own laughter. ‘Cause isn’t that what it’s really about? Amusing yourself at someone else’s expense? Come on folks, don’t you dare sit there and tell me you have never, or never had the desire to laugh out right at someone else’s stupid behavior, deformity, intelligence level, yadda yadda. If you try to say: “Oh, no! I would never do something like that.”, you are liar. Worse, you are BAD liar. If you are gonna lie, at least be good at it people. I find nothing wrong with pointing and laughing at stupid people. It is what makes life worth living sometimes. Seriously, human beings are so incredibly stupid sometimes it is not surprising how close we are in DNA to a frickin chimp. See..it all comes back to the monkey.