Sloth sloth and more sloth

And from the deep darkness came a sound. Long had the world lain in stillness without even a whisper of indication that the beast still lived. Slumbered it did in the deep dark cold of the north. But no more. Slowly the signs of stirring began..
Yeah..that is about as far as I am gonna go in describing my sloth-like behaviour for the last several months in not only blogging, but life. I wasn't completely inert though..I finally changed companies. After having almost 4 years of frustration and low pay, I was wooed away to join a new firm - same customer, but new firm. The bump in pay is nice, the bonus structure is nice, everything is nice at Nice…so far. I know I am still in the honeymoon phase, but I already have a better sense of feeling valued by my employer.
S
o..now that I have gotten myself sort of moving again..

1.) Go Hillary
2.) Clam Chowder and a decent bagel in t-minus 2 days
3.) Mike's Pastry…yum
4.) English all the time
5.) Shout out - SUGA!
6.) mmmm N82 goodness


And for your amusement (hat tip to Amanda) http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/466/story.cfm?c_id=466&objectid=10481323

Oh..and only in Finland can a guy who sqewered someone be the athlete of the year


..right..not a very creative blog today..but it is all I have in me right now…may blog later today..keep yer eyes peeled..

Oi vey

Okay, so our tickets weren't 1600 bucks. Try 1800. Called the step-mom and she proceeded to say "Well it is Christmas time and it isn't THAT much." Okay..um..do any of YOU have 1800 bucks just burning a hole in your pocket? So now they are all booked and paid for and we are in Boston from 21 December to 3 January...

I am then informed that Pop has something wrong with his foot and they took him to the ER to get it checked out (swollen and very painful)..Doc takes an X-Ray and proceeds to say that my Papa's foot looks like the foot of a 200 year old man..and that he has something called Charcot's Foot Disease. Thanks to Google I now know it isn't like a fungus or something it is "a progressive degenerative condition that affects the joints in the feet It is associated with nerve damage (neuropathy) that decreases the ability to sense stimuli, including pain, and decreases muscular reflexes that control movement. As a result, the joints in the feet are subjected to repeated trauma and injury, causing progressive damage to the ligaments, cartilage, and bones."

So Papa not only has had his hip replaced, had some sort of blood infection like 3 times in the last year, fell at work in late summer resulting in the ligaments in his elbow to need to be put back where they belong AND now has have his rotator cuff repaired (thanks to Workman's Comp red tape, he has to wait until 13 November to have the surgery which will put him out of work on sick leave for 6 weeks)...but now he gets this foot thing?!?!? WTF!!!!!

I keep trying to get him to retire (he is of retirement age...actually over it at this point), but he won't. If this crap keeps up he may be forcibly put on disability retirement and that would send my ox of a Papa over the edge in my opinion.

At what point in life do the roles of "parent" and "child" become reversed? I am not implying that my father is stupid at all. In fact, he is actually a genius (and passed those genes on to his son but alas not to me), highly educated, speaks several languages, soft spoken (I DEFINITELY didn't get that gene), gentle, kind, compassionate, understanding and all-in-all one heck of a guy that I am lucky and honored to call my Papa. BUT, when does it become necessary, due to his mile-wide stubborn streak and pride becoming a hindrance and a threat to his overall health, for me to step into the role of cajoling, chastising parent? My step-mom has tried and tried and tried to get him to slow down and possibly think about retiring. He side-steps, avoids the issue, flatly refuses, and many other stubborn and idiotic behaviors all to ignore the fact that he should have retired already. 25 years of carrying 30lbs on his back, walking 12 miles and about 30000 stairs a day have taken their toll on his body.

I guess I am concerned that my Papa will, as a result of this stubborn pride, not retire in time to enjoy the rapidly dwindling last 3rd of his life; he will work himself to the point that when he does retire he is no longer able to be mobile enough to enjoy his pastimes (puttering in the garden, golfing, woodworking, etc.) or even worse (heaven forbid) he works himself to the grave.


sheeeesh

Quit yer whinin'

Folks whine asking "Why don't you come visit more often
$1600 for plane tickets. THAT'S WHY!

We are going to Boston for Christmas. It has been almost 2 years since I have seen my family, so it is about ferkin time. The thing that gets me is that my lovely step-mom always asks and whines about when we are coming to visit. Let THEM shell out 1600 buck-a-roos each time and see how often they whine about me not visiting. Not only is it a large amount of samolians, but then the whole christmas presents thing, the getting around (to rent a car or to mooch?..that is the question).. AND 2 very dear friends are getting married (YAY John and Patricia)....needless to say, my folks need to just step the frick back on this. It isn't that we DON'T want to visit, it is just that shelling out that kind of moolah 4 times a year (as they would like it to be) is not in our budget..sheeesh people! How many more slang terms can I use for money in one blog? (rehtorical question folks)

Spoke to SUG this weekend too..Shout out to my West Coast Sistah! Her bday is coming up and she just closed on a condo and will have to be filming in Penn when she should be moving.. Poor SUG..

Work is crap. I hate work. Have I mentioned this before? Oh yeah..only like 32624564236 times...

Got my stitches out today :) Yay. Before you all go all "Oh my. Did you have another one of your graceful moments requiring medical attention" on me, I DID NOT INJURE MYSELF. I had a mole removed from my forearm - like you really wanted to know.... I will have a cute little scar (to add to the 36346243725624 other ones I have from my mis-adventures in life) on my right forearm...

For those of you who are wondering..our dates for being in Boston are 21-Dec to 03 Jan...gotta be there for RRJ and Patricia's hitchin'

...where did that stupid southern accent come from?

How I spent my Summer Vacation

Right..Random Blog (after the summer hiatus)

Trip Highlights:
1.) Latvia-Lithuania border – border guard thought I was going to walk to Kaunas after Mira drove across the border while I waited for him to stamp my passport..(damn them and their EU passports) – seriously…here is the dialog (after he WATCHED me get off the bike and I handed him my passport – I had taken off my helmet already and Mira and the gang were across already:

Border Guard (upon noticing me standing there sweating to death in my driving gear): “Where you go?”
Me: “Uh. Kaunas”
Border guard looks me up and down. By the way at this point I should mention that he fit every damned stereotype of a border guard every American has seen in those movies from the cold war. Visual: Open shirt with hairy chest and gold chains, sweat stained pits, stubble on the chin, badly fitting trousers which were possibly from his normal job (plumber) and really bad garlic breath
Border Guard (incredulously): “How?”
Me (indicating the 4 other women who just passed him by on motorcycles on the otherside of his wretched border): “With THEM?”
At this point he realized he was an idiot

2.) Lithuania – B&B owner’s husband drove all of us to a restaurant so we could get food and drinks – oh and did you know that "Thank You" in Lithuanian sounds like a sneeze? Seriously..I don’t know how it is spelled in Lithuanian but it is pronounced. Ah-chew

3.) Poland – Who knew an intersection was a place to pass people – they did it on the right, left and sometimes I swear they wanted to go OVER us…oh and speed limit signs are a mere suggestion for the locals..

4.) Germany - driving through rain in which I swear I saw Noah, the Ark and the animals lining up 2 by 2 was an experience I do not wish to repeat. The gathering was great though :) Cold and wet for most of it, but great. I am so fluent in German now.

5.) The Dutch really are nice…except for drunken idiots who steal your taxi causing one of the calmest women I know to swear like a sailor while flipping the bird and having to be held back by her girlfriend. Randomly invited up to a party in someone’s house and then when we get there – there is a person which Hale and Mira met 2 years ago and this person had no idea that we were the people the hosts randomly chose from the street to come up (during the Pride Parade btw).. Pride was AWESOME.. I seriously think that K, D, Mel, Laura, Michael, Derrick and us should do Amsterdam Pride one year…It puts Boston to shame folks…

6.) The Danes – Copenhagen is beautiful. The people are incredibly nice…but damn it is it one flat country…pretty boring to drive through

7.) The Swedes – It should be illegal to have so many beautiful people in one place…oh and if I thought Denmark was boring to drive through…Sweden is the motherload of boring driving…

8.) Turku to Helsinki – after 4710 Km..we had 170 left…wouldn’t you know…40km from home…TORRENTIAL RAINS…again…

Best Part of Summer Vacation…learning I have big healthy boobies….

oh yeah..

http://youtube.com/watch?v=NN-eGOtBGbg

BRILLIANT!!!! Until they get the frickin video posting crap done on this site... I am posting this picture and the link to it. It made me cheer!

Ping...ping..

Right..I figured I would finally put another post up here...Sorry to have been so silent, but I have just finished a 1650 km motorcycle trip pretty much around Finland. Spent last week at Satu's cottage all relaxin an shiznit... This weekend is MidSummer here and will be with Suvi and Päivi at their cottage... Then it is 4 weeks until we head on the trip around Europe on the motorbike...
Estonia
Latvia
Lithuania
Poland
Czech Republic
Germany (spending 4 days there at the WIMA rally)
Amsterdam (4 days there for Amsterdam Pride!)
Copenhagen (to seeMiia, Anna and Saimi)
Stockholm
and finally back to Helsinki...

my bum is gonna hurt....

With friends like these...

Ahhh the joy of having Sug for a best friend... This is a blast from the way back machine...

49 things you should know about Fusche's butt

1. It's big.

2. It's really big.

3. It has more crater scars than the Sea of Tranquility.

4. It has disasterous El Nino implications.

5. It inspires tectonic shifting.

6. Downstairs neighbors get flooded out on a regular basis when the butt
hits the bathtub.

7. It has been officially recognized as a Terran Celestial Body.

8. Butt prints from Fusche on the beach have been mistaken as the mating
ground of two large walruses.

9. When sunning herself on the beach, well meaning environmentalists have
doused her butt with buckets of water and tried to push her back into the
surf.

10. Inspired movie: The Revenge of the Butt Monster! "SEE the monster eat
small villages, SEE small villagers crushed beneath the cheeks"

11. The hidden meaning to "Twin Peaks"

12. It's really, really big.

13. Standing downwind during a bean festival has been mistaken for the
Santa Anna winds - disasterous fires have developed.

14. No Movie Seat can hold her.

15. No Airplane can accomodate her.

16. No man can tame that butt - without a chair and a crane anyway.

17. The butt has tipped the scales on many a near fatal elevator accident
due to exceeding Max. load.

18. The butt, while swimming has been mistaken for, twin icebergs, alien
spacecraft and seismic anomalies.

19. It's really, really, really big.

20. The Geneva Convention has a Fusche Butt Clause.

21. There was some debate for a time whether Karl Malden's nose or Fusche's
Butt was larger in proportion by body part. Fusche won, butts down.

22. Iraq has developed Fushe's butt into a powerful biological weapon which
has been banned by NATO.

23. NATO has a special Fusche butt disaster recovery team in case Fusche's
butt should ever be detonated by accident.

24. Fusche has been banned to travel to poor starving countries, the
resulting panic of the natives chasing her with spears shouting "We could
eat for a year on that" has local officials terrified.

25. Group of Prospectors STILL looking for the Mother Lode.

26. The Bermuda Triangle is actually the zone from the middle of Fusche's
back to the bottom of each cheek.

27. NASA planning a 1999 exploration of Fusche's butt called the
Ballooner-probe.

28. Fusche's butt is the only organic structure visible from orbit.

29. Only natural formation known to be bigger than Russ Manzer's head.

30. It's really, really, really big.

31. Most acoustically perfect rump known to mankind.

32. Beluga whales have been known to swim 3000 miles out of their
territories to court Fusche's butt.

33. Stray sounds from Fusche's butt have been known to cause Pods of
Humpback whales to beach themselves in search of Pod-mates in distress.

34. The San Andreas fault was created during an unfortunate Fusche Slip and
Fall incident which incidentally is the only Liability Case on record where
the injured party is the State of California as opposed to the individual
who did the falling. Fusche is expected to pay 2.3 Billion in damages.

35. Janet Reno has appointed a special investigator to find out if Fusche's
butt is actually responsible for many outbreaks of Road-Rage.

36. A recent medical study has proven the grass roots theory that living
near Fusche's butt has the same medical ramifications as living near High
Power Overhead Lines.

37. Q: If Fusche's butt is loaded on a train in Memphis at 12:00 PM and
heads north at 56 mph, when will it arrive in Cleveland?
A: Hah, trick question, Fusche's butt won't fit on a train.

38. It's really, really, really, really big.

39. Was the secret weapon used by Reagan to free the Iran hostages: "Now
Ayatollah, play nice, or I drop Fusche's Butt on you." The hostages were
free within 3 hours.

40. An 'all clear' klaxon must be sounded before Fusche can sit down just
in case any small countries like Luxembourg are in the way.

41. 49 Cultists committed suicide determined to gain access to the alien
mother ship that is hiding in the shadow of Fusche's Butt. NASA determined
the investigation too risky when 53 probes were launched at the butt and
lost in an attempt to prove or disprove the spaceship theory.

42. When Fusche was a baby, her mother had a really hard time finding
diapers the size of Rhode Island every 1.5 hours. The economies of three
small countries were sacrificed to try and keep the offending rump covered.


43. The Siberian Tunguska (spelling?) Blast of 1908 was actually caused by
an unfortunate Fusche feeding frenzy involving truckloads of refried beans.

44. Conspiracy Theory: The Titanic did not hit an iceberg, it was struck by
the SS FuscheButt, a diabolical Naval Weapon developed by Otto Von Bismark
to ensure German Naval Superiority in the inevitable World Wars. The SS
FuscheButt was later scuttled to make way for the Nuclear Powered Fuschka
Buttka, the largest warship ever manufactured.

45. Used as a Object Model for Microsoft Windows '98.

46. The theory is that Ancient Egyptians, when designing the pyramids and
temples, practiced their stone lugging technique on Fusche's butt, the
biggest and heaviest thing they could get their hands on. Stonehenge was
created in a similar fashion.

47. Fusche's Butt is featured in 49 New England Sky Reports as being the
most popular set of Camelbacks in the region.

48. 149 Skiers were lost last year skiing the triple Black Diamond Trails
known as Fusche's Twins, The Crevice of Doom and the Ever popular Fusches
Frenzy, a three mile drop straight into what's known as The Pit of Despair.
All of these trails are on Mount FuscheButt.

49. It's really, really, really, really, really big

Put down the prozac

Okay people. You can officially put down the prozac now. Thanks for the outpouring of support and offers of physical abuse to make me feel better. I have yanked the proverbial bootstraps, had myself a good cry and am back to my usual snarky self.

So while surfing the web I came across this.

Puh

Okay. Normally I am a wisecracking smartass, but lately, not so much. Blue is the color of my soul right now; a deep midnight blue. I know that sounds incredibly melodramatic, cliché and disgustingly weak, but right now I am not at my best. I have been fighting severe homesickness and a host of other emotions which I find difficult to label. There are silly bouts of crying in the middle of the night when I wake up from a nightmarish dream of epic proportions which I am then unable to remember 5 minutes later but am simply left with an indescribably morose feeling of isolation and hopelessness. I feel, ala Moonstruck, someone should slap me and say “Snap out of it!” The thing is that even though that would probably be appropriate right now, I would most likely collapse in a heap and just weep. I guess it doesn’t help that my Papa has been fighting a blood poisoning type thing for the 4th time, my Mom’s doctors just found a lump in her breast and something 2cm in diameter which is “concerning” on her ovary, my Grams has an ulcerated wound on her foot that won’t heal and the antibiotics they have her 88 year old self on are making her hurl like a frat boy during Rush week, I haven’t been back to see my family in 18 months and won’t be able to get back until freaking Christmas so that will make 2 years since I have seen my papa, stepmom, bro and the rest of my clan, and work is giving me as much stress as I can possibly handle and most likely too much at this point. Tack on that 3 friends are getting married and we are booked to the rafters with wedding things (like bachelorette parties and the actual weddings), I am 5000 miles away from my family and can do nothing to help any of them, I haven’t actually had a holiday holiday since last year sometime in the summer (Portugal I think), and the usual life stresses about money and crap…and I feel like I wanna just curl up in a ball and tell the world to take a hike.

The problem is that when I get blue or stressed, I close down. Mira, Sug, K and most of my other longtime chosen family members can tell you that I clam up tighter than heck. I pretty much disengage from the world around me. It is my coping mechanism. The problem I have is that I know I am shutting down and it is the only way I know how to process things, but it is terribly unfair to those around me and especially to the Finn.

I know that “this too shall pass”, but right now I just wanna tell the universe to FUCK OFF.

And before you all start getting all intervention on me, I will be fine. I will get through this and come out the other side...just may take a bit..

Nagi Nagi

Yeah, so much for the well thought out plan of not having a hangover on the Wednesday after May Day. Vappu is a national holiday here in Finland. We had guests over for dinner on Monday - lovely giant prawn starter with a main course of pork loin, roasted potatoes and salad...cheeses and grapes for desert and 5 bottles of sparkling wine later, the coming May day (Vappu) was not looking like a party day for us.

The plan was to stay home and treat Tuesday (Vappu) like a Sunday - watch a bit of the idiot box, cook and go to bed early. Enter Pia and an invitation to come over for dinner and to watch the ice hockey match between Finland and Russia... 2 bottles of sparkling wine, a 12 pack of beer and 1 Victor Borge tape later..we were pissed as lords. Then enter Nora.. Why did it seem like a good idea to go from Pia's house to a pub to meet Nora..where Mira promptly bought a round of shots?

I am such a mess today..it took me 15 minutes to find my damned keys! Couldn't find my wallet for a while either...then my watch... I had a meeting that I could not miss this morning which was rescheduled at the last minute..so I could have worked from home (read: slept for another 5 hours)...

Body aches from the spill I took on Monday afternoon, brain is not functioning, and I have to be in the office...

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(/%(&¤)/!!!!!

That would be me growling I think. So, today I retrieved our baby (see picture to the right) from the banishment of winter storage at the bike shop. We had her all nicely serviced for her 12k kilometer milestone so that everything stays in tip-top condition. The service guy there is great. He is always friendly and fun to talk to (even if I have to speak Finnish).

So on to the growling...First off it is not inexpensive to store the bike there for the winter. They make quite the decent profit on that. The service we had done cost 241€..again, not cheap. What I am growling at is that when I go out to greet our baby, and tell her how much I missed her...she is down right FILTHY! And I don't mean in the saucy mix kind of way either. I mean she is saucy and a hell of a ride, but she is DIRTY as hell! You would think that for the 600€ we have spent with them they could have at least rinsed her off?!?!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Mobile Phones, Alcohol and You

Okay, so we met a friend for dinner on Friday evening. We had figured that we would schedule the dinner early enough that we were home at a reasonable hour to enable us to get up the following morning to assist a good friend in removing wallpaper off of the walls of her newly bought flat...and in the words of Robert Burns (Scottish Poet) " ..The best laid schemes o' mice an' men Gang aft agley,..."... and for those of you who want the Standard English translation: "..The best laid schemes of mice and men Go often askew,"...

Yeah..so after consuming WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much alcohol (multiple pre-dinner cocktails, 2 bottles of wine with dinner, multiple after dinner drinks and then an ill advised trip to the pub)...drunk dailing was the only option.
I called K..who happened to be on the ferry back to England with her Mom..of which I think I told K how much I love her mom..

Then the call to Sug. Oh HOLY HELL... It is NEVER a good idea to drink so much that you end up on the phone with your best friend who is 10,000 miles away and 10 hours behind your sorry drunken ass in respect to the time difference. Talk about messy! I ended up bawling on the phone about how much I miss my SUGA. Actually crying! Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick....

So..maybe it might be a good idea to have one of those breathalizer thingers installed on my phone which when I place the phone anywhere near my alcohol ladened breath it 1.) sends a high voltage shock through my ear to my brain causing immediate droppage 2.) performs an emergency shut down of all services other than the ability to dail the emergency number (112) or the taxi center to have them come drag one's sorry arse home or 3) all of the above and then a humiliating pre-recorded voice saying "Shut up you drunken idiot and go home. You are a disgrace to your family name."

So poor Sug had to listen to me whine about how much I missed her... I did manage to stop crying...and we did the only thing that seemed appropriate at the time..we hijacked a couple on their 1st wedding anniversary, made them show us their suite and then dragged them off to the pub with us!

..oh the shame....

Oh and Sug..the cow stays, but it will eventually be removed from the first page due to additional posts :) SUGA FOR YOU..and YES we want to come out to Hell-Ay for the premier of the movie!

Mastication

Sometimes I feel like a complete freak. I know I AM a freak, but it seems to me that my pet peeves sometimes make me a bit overly freakish. I know I have freak like behavior – the salt on apples thing, the french fries dipped in ice cream thing, the turning toilet paper rolls around so that it comes from the front of the roll instead of the back thing (I do it even at other people’s houses..if I have been to your place and you are one of those paper comin’ from the back of the roll people, I have done it to you too), the towels having to be folded a specific way thing, the making it so my food doesn’t touch on plates thing (yes,I literally will separate the veggies, starch and meat/fish so that they all have their own area on the plate) – there are many many more…..

Now, I know these things could and do severely irritate people or bring unmitigated amounts of mocking to my doorstep. Hey, let’s face it, it is fun to point and laugh at people; and if you just said “I do not do that! I was raised to be polite!” then YOU are the ones that me and my friends are pointing and laughing at (when not doing it to each other). However, I can not stand – and I am talking throttle the person until they are begging for their mom and for mercy – when people are chewing. Mastication. I hate it. If I am eating at the same time, then it doesn’t bother me at all..but I really hate the sound of food being masticated or slurped in front of me. God forbid you are eating an apple near me when I am not eating at the same time. I have no idea where this pet peeve comes from! Seriously, I was chattin’ with a colleague today and she was mentioning how that aside from being the “queen of strop” (gotta love British slang) she was having seriously homicidal thoughts in her head due to an individual in her meeting room directly across from her “chewing gum with his month open and i fear i may smack him”. This sent us off on a whole tirade of how each of us has the same pet peeve. I personally told her to look at him and just say "mooooooooooooooo"



So..note to all of you who encounter me when you are eating. I had better be eating too, or that look on my face will mean that I want to throttle you within an inch of your life…

…there..I feel better….

It's the Little Things

Like THIS:

that can make one's day turn from frustrating to relaxing. A vendor to my department took us out for a "customer appreciation" evening (read: schmoozing). We went to a shooting club and I fired hand guns for the very first time. Above is a .500 Smith & Wesson. The largest production hand gun maded (sort of like the Desert Eagle). My hand still hurts from the recoil on that sucker.

I shot a:

.22 caliber Ruger
9 mm Glock
.44 caliber Mag(hello Dirty Harry)
and
.500 caliber Smith and Wesson...


Of course, the range instructor made me be the first one to try the .500 when it was time to shoot that one..considering I am American.. I told him that we are issued guns when we get a passport. Every American has one :) NOT

While I enjoyed the target practice exercise of the .22, I think I will not be shooting again. It was an experience and now I have the shell casing from the 9mm, .44 and .500 on my desk as memories of my shooting experience.

Flarn Filth Filth Flarn and Filth

or otherwise known as Fucking Fucker Fuck God Damn and Fuck!

Ya know what pisses me off? When certain people in authority tell you something you will be getting and then what they told you you are getting isn't what you got. What the hell?!?!?!

Remind me never to take a "promotion" to a job that is tons more work than I used to do, incredibly ladened with more responsibility and tasks and believe the boss when he tells you that the salary increase you will recieve will not be insulting.

Consider me insulted...

in·sult (ĭn-sŭlt')
v. in·sult·ed, in·sult·ing, in·sults
v. tr.


1.) To treat with gross insensitivity, insolence, or contemptuous rudeness.
2.) To affront or demean

Fucking Fucker Fuck God Damn and FUCK!!!

Just cause she asked

And before YOU ask, yes I commented on her blog

From Patricia:

YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I WANNA KNOW YOU... I want to know 34 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine... I just wanna know you better! Thanks! =) Just answer in the comments.


1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of the Internet?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you.
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Wine, gin, singlemalt, can, bottle, Draft or teetotaler?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. In one word, how would you describe me?
34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

Hide the Dictionary!

While trolling for an interesting topic to vent my spleen about, I came across the winner. I know it has been a while since I have blogged, but nothing has sparked my imagination lately. I could go on a political rant, but I have been there and done that and quite frankly, GW comparing the war on terror to the American Revolutionary war was just so stupid I couldn’t be bothered to lambaste him at this point. He is a buffoon and to call him a monkey is an insult to monkeys on branches. Haven’t you always wanted a monkey?
Right..I digress…

So it turns out that an award winning (2007 Newbery Medal) book is being banned from some US schools and libraries over the use of 1 word. Here I am thinking to myself: “Could it be the N word?”. I, for one, hate that word. But noooooooo. Not an N word in sight. The word of the day folks is “scrotum”. Yes, you heard me: scrotum. The book in question is by Susan Patron and it is called The Higher Power of Lucky. Now, this book is intended for readers from 9-12 years of age and won the previously mentioned very prestigious award. The word that is so offensive is used after the heroine of the book, Lucky Trimble, overhears a man talking about a snakebite to his dog.
The word is repeated as Lucky is described as thinking the word is "medical and secret, but also important".

Okay. I am all for protecting kids from porn, nasty images, gratuitous violence, overly annoying stuffed purple dinosaurs who deserve the crap beat out of them and parents who dress them in cutesy outfits. But, in my humble opinion, the word scrotum is NOT shocking. The author, who is a librarian, too is outraged that a library would take the role of censor. I would have agreed with her on that one. I mean seriously. The parent should be the one who decides what is appropriate for his/her little Johnny or Suzie to read and not a frickin librarian. Catcher in the Rye anyone?

What the hell is so wrong with the word scrotum? Do these kids not have health class? Do they not have science class? Things like this are why in my mid 30s, I still use the word whoowhoo for a vagina.

It is official...

You didn't really think I would pass this one up did you?!?!

Note: Um Hillary, I will vote for you, but I am thinking your tag line needs to be re-thought - " I am in. And I am in to win." Would that then mean if you didn't say that specific statement, one would think that you joined the race with any other intention other than to win? "I am in. And I am in to just shake up the field and not really to win, but really just to sort of make everyone think about it..maybe." Sorry..don't mean to be disrespectful to ya sister, but I am thinking your marketing people should really hit the drawing board again...

With the above being said, should she win, she would be the first woman to serve as president of the United States -- and the first presidential spouse to do so as well.

Potentially Ultimate Evil Villan! Rock ON!

Oh Holy hell..Another of those online personality tests. This is what I get for reading John's blog...DAMN HIM!!!

Busy Body- ENFJ 66% Extraversion, 53% Intuition, 26% Thinking, 60% Judging

You manipulative busybody! You're what some might call the "backseat driver" of life. You know, the one who knows exactly what everyone else is doing wrong and how they should go about fixing it. You're always trying to change everyone else. The strange thing is, you can generally get whoever you want, to do whatever you want. What's that? You want me to stop insulting you...well, alright...but only because you asked so nic...WAIT A MINUTE! Stop sticking your cumbersome nose where it aint't wanted. You're like an oversized sniffer dog, trained to sniff out everyone else's problems, yet oblivious to your own. For one you worry excessively. The fact that you're also incredibly sensitive to criticism probably has you on the verge of tears right now. Get a grip. You have powers of manipulation unlike any other. You know all the gossip and you know how to ultimately use it as blackmailing material. You could potentially be the ultimate evil villain... if not for the fact you choose to use all of your powers for good, rather than evil. How honourable. How admirable and praiseworthy. How pathetic. While you're helping others out and pushing them into the limelight, you're left in the background to inhale the dirty smoke of their success. Nice one. *****************

Step Right up to the Eating Disorder Workshop!

So I was reading the news today (surprise surprise) and I saw an article about my home State that set me right the BLEEP off. This article describes how all the children in the school were examined and screened for their body mass index and a letter was sent home with about half of the students to their parents warning of that the child was either “at risk of becoming overweight” or underweight - a new state law requires a school notify the parents of children who are over- or underweight or who may be at risk of becoming so. There was one girl who is 4 feet tall and 66lbs and she got sent home with a note to her mom warning that she was a risk of becoming overweight!

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?! This poor kid has now had her ego and body image slammed by the very people who are supposed to be protecting her. Don’t even think of saying “They are protecting her from having health issues in the future” That is bullshit! This is a young child who not only gets bombarded every day with images of models and celebrities through magazines that promote being rail thin and a stick but also hasn’t even hit puberty yet!!! . What the hell are they thinking they are accomplishing? Promoting healthy eating? NOT. They are damaging the body image and self esteem of a young girl because her BMI isn’t in line with the scale they are using. What if a kid is an athlete? BMI levels can be significantly higher in athletes because of increased muscle mass from the sports they practice. I am not for having obese children at all. Obesity leads to severe health complications and we all know this. But this is going too far. This child’s overall health and health care is the responsibility of her, her parents and her doctor NOT the schools. Change the foods in the school systems to be healthier? SURE! Require kids to take physical education classes? SURE! Require children to take health classes? SURE! But don’t send her home with a note that basically says that even though she has not hit puberty, is an athlete and very active she is still in danger of being overweight; it is just creating damage to her psyche and self image at an age where kids are already being judged by what clothes they wear, what type of sneakers they have, their hair style and also being with inundated by images of Nicole freakin Richie and her emaciated form, or Kate Hudson, Kate Moss..The list goes on and on.

Jesus! They might just as well start an ad campaign:

“Step right up little Suzie to your very own eating disorder! Take your pick, we have them all! Over-eating – to “medicate” that bruised ego you have and foster self loathing, or Anorexia – to be sure you fit in the latest size -456 jeans that all the best celebs are wearing – Bulimia – why control what you eat? Eat all you can and don’t gain wait by simply purging your system of those pesky calories! Forget having a healthy balanced diet to include fish, veggies and low sugar intakes, just let your self image go down the drain with our easy system!”

What is next? “Okay Suzie, you need to take this note home to your parents. There has to be something done about those glasses you wear. This scale we have says that children your age should have perfect vision. You don’t want to grow up to not be the perfect image of what media says. Your parents need to get you some lasik eye surgery.” Or “Okay Suzie, you have brown hair and blue eyes, but our chart here says that children in our school system should have blonde hair and blue eyes. You are in danger of not fitting in, so please bring this note to your parents to have your hair dyed so you better fit into our image of what a child should look like.”

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

John Made me do it

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Her Excellency Stephanie the Confused of Studley Roger Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Right..so I blame John Eddy for this... I was perusing his blog and had to find out what my Peculiar Aristocratic Title would be because of this site he mentions. Everyone else gets really creative names from this stupid place and ya know what??? Mine SUCKS! Wanna know why? Cause it is oddly TRUE damn it! I am:

1.) Excellent
2.) Regularly Confused
and
3.) My frickin father's name IS Roger!

How pathetic am I?

Laziness and stuff

There are no exuses offered for going 6 weeks without a post. I figure I am more active than K or D (can anyone say 7 months?). The only thing that has kept me from posting has been pure slovenly procrastination and a definite lack of any witty comments or insights. I called Sug over the holiday to wish her a Merrry Christmas, talked to the family, had Mutsi over for the 24th etc. Christmas was Christmas. A bit less enjoyable than it should have been due to a bit of a dark depression I was in. As previously posted, we were supposed to be in Boston for Turkey Day and I had gotten my psyche all set for seeing my folks for that holiday. We were also supposed to tack on the trip to Vegas for K’s 40th during that trip as well. Unfortunately, the budget and available holiday time threw a monkey wrench into that plan. So there goes my mood…down down down to the depths of “Holiday’s suck.” I suppose my bad attitude toward work didn’t help either...

Anywho, I am coming through to the otherside of a difficult holiday season. I suppose it is time to being posting again. I have been traveling a bit for work and doing more consulting lately than anything. It is good change from what I was doing. I think I was beginning to suffer from burnout. Not a pretty picture. Not to mention I passed my 3 year mark of living in Finland (3rd of December). This year I can apply for citizenship and am gonna :)

I was thinking I would not make any political comments on this post..but I have to. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t. So there is this Repbulican Congressman from Virginia named Virgil Goode who wrote a letter slamming the Quran and Muslims. Here are some of the quotes from this letter demanding an immigration overhaul:
“..there will be many more Muslims elected to office demanding the use of the Quran," ;
“..we will have many more Muslims in the United States” ;
“The Muslim representative from Minnesota was elected by the voters of that district and if American citizens don't wake up and adopt the Virgil Goode position on immigration there will likely be many more Muslims elected to office and demanding the use of the Quran.”

And my personal favorite:

“The Ten Commandments and 'In God We Trust' are on the wall in my office. A Muslim student came by the office and asked why I did not have anything on my wall about the Quran. My response was clear, As long as I have the honor of representing the citizens of the 5th District of Virginia in the United States House of Representatives; the Quran is not going to be on the wall of my office.”

Now, this guy’s name is Virgil – and there are way too many redneck jokes I could make about that, but I am just not giving into the temptation. Virgil can be attributed to the Latin word virga which means “wand” or “staff”.Again so many phallic jokes and too little time. It is people like this thick as a brick chicken head that make my blood boil. Here is a guy who wrote this letter in response to the Minnesota Rep. Keith Ellison’s request to use a quran in his swearing-in ceremony and not the bible. Goode is a moron. The good people of Minnesota duly elected him to represent them in Congress and knew he was a Muslim when they did it. Not only does he want to use a quran, but he wanted to use Thomas Jefferson’s quran. Here is a representative of of Minnesota requesting to use a holy book owned by one of the founding fathers of the US and Goode is turning it into a fight and something islamaphobic (nice word that one). Just another example of religious intolerance in the US. I am surprised Mr. Goode didn’t go another step further and make an issue about Mr. Ellison being black.

grrrrrrrrrr