Mastication

Sometimes I feel like a complete freak. I know I AM a freak, but it seems to me that my pet peeves sometimes make me a bit overly freakish. I know I have freak like behavior – the salt on apples thing, the french fries dipped in ice cream thing, the turning toilet paper rolls around so that it comes from the front of the roll instead of the back thing (I do it even at other people’s houses..if I have been to your place and you are one of those paper comin’ from the back of the roll people, I have done it to you too), the towels having to be folded a specific way thing, the making it so my food doesn’t touch on plates thing (yes,I literally will separate the veggies, starch and meat/fish so that they all have their own area on the plate) – there are many many more…..

Now, I know these things could and do severely irritate people or bring unmitigated amounts of mocking to my doorstep. Hey, let’s face it, it is fun to point and laugh at people; and if you just said “I do not do that! I was raised to be polite!” then YOU are the ones that me and my friends are pointing and laughing at (when not doing it to each other). However, I can not stand – and I am talking throttle the person until they are begging for their mom and for mercy – when people are chewing. Mastication. I hate it. If I am eating at the same time, then it doesn’t bother me at all..but I really hate the sound of food being masticated or slurped in front of me. God forbid you are eating an apple near me when I am not eating at the same time. I have no idea where this pet peeve comes from! Seriously, I was chattin’ with a colleague today and she was mentioning how that aside from being the “queen of strop” (gotta love British slang) she was having seriously homicidal thoughts in her head due to an individual in her meeting room directly across from her “chewing gum with his month open and i fear i may smack him”. This sent us off on a whole tirade of how each of us has the same pet peeve. I personally told her to look at him and just say "mooooooooooooooo"



So..note to all of you who encounter me when you are eating. I had better be eating too, or that look on my face will mean that I want to throttle you within an inch of your life…

…there..I feel better….