For Titi

Reflection. Sometimes re-examining one’s life can lead to opening memory boxes best left closed. But occasionally, a beautiful light emerges and one is reminded of all things good in this world and their life.

My uncle Tomas was closest in age to my Mom. He was a shining individual whose personal truth, unfortunately, was never revealed to those around him. As a small child, I used to marvel at all of the pretty medals on his chest and how handsome he looked in his shiny uniform. He is the one who named me Honeychild and the only person, to this day, who could and will ever be allowed to call me that. I asked him once when I was older why he named me such and he explained that when I was small (memory of being small is a fleeting thing for me), I would run with wild abandon in my little blue and orange swimming suit, barefoot and laughing, through the courtyards and streets of our neighborhood while the sun colored my skin the color of rich honey and then as the summer extended, to a mahogany-like shade of brown. He swore that no other child laughed or worshiped the sun as much as I did. Titi Tomas was my hero. Not because of the medals on his chest which he never explained to me, but because he never tried to bottle my energy by telling me that children should not ask questions or that I should wear the dress that my mother laid out for me and to respect my elders. He let me be me. He let my little bare feet slap against the cobble stones right beside his large bare feet smiling at the sound of my laughter and encouraging me to laugh more. These are the memories I cherish. So few are left of him from my childhood, that when one bubbles up from the safety of its warm and soft place, I like to cling to it and hold it where I can quietly relive the joy of him. It came to me later in life why I feel we had such a bond. I believe my uncle always knew I was like him. Different. And in being different he knew somewhat the pain and difficulty I would face later in my life. His unconditional love is something I will always count as one of my greatest blessings.

Why am I sharing this? Well because today is his birthday and on this day I am always reminded of him. The wonderful memories of his smile and the way only he could get me to laugh and the way we would laugh together. I am reminded of the last words he said to me as the disease he contracted was taking his life and his light from my every day world: “Honeychild, I love you. Life is meant to be lived so when I am gone just do one thing for me. Remember to laugh.” So it is with a profound joy that I would like to tell my uncle Tommy Te amo, wherever he is, and Happy Birthday. I am honored to have had him grace my life for as long as he did. The 11 year anniversary of his death from AIDS is in October.

I will be back to my snarky posting self shortly, but for right now I am going to allow myself to be wrapped in the warm and soft love that made me Honeychild.