Okay, I am a grown up right? I am no longer the little kid on the playground who talks funny and who has parents that don't hail from Ireland and aren't decendent from the Mayflower folks. I am no longer the skinny (trust me on that one) little nob-kneed short greenhorn who was painfully shy in school when it came to the other kids. I had no problem relating to the teachers and enjoyed my course work (even at 8..geek I know)to the point where I was alienated by my class mates due to some stupid special testing that made it "clear" I was "accelerated" in my learning. Well..I have a frickin freakishly smart older brother who taught me to write cursive on the inside of my metal standing closet with a piece of chalk - at age 7. It isn't my fault I could write properly and was reading actual books (Nancy Drew was my favorite and a trusted friend) at the same age.. I count myself very lucky to have had and still have an older brother who introduced me to the joys of reading...math he still has to convince me is fun...I am well over 30 and he still has yet to accomplish THAT goal. So why does it still hurt when the other "kids" are mean?
I am not an insecure person to the point where other people's opinions of me make me shy and want to hide in that same metal closet with my coveted dog-eared books, lost in my own imagination and silently blessing Millie Benson and her creations. I have, what my Mom would call, blossomed. I don't think I am insecure anyway. Most friends I have seem to find me gregarious (word of the day for you finns who read this) and very open. Frequently I am loud and I laugh an awful lot. Sometimes I can overwhelm people with my energy and I do try to keep that tamed as much as possible. But as K says (and Beth agrees) I am loved in spite of the fact that I am loud and crazy and BECAUSE I am loud and crazy.
To the hurting part... This past Saturday, Mira and I joined 2 other couples (straight ones) for dinner in a small town called Järvenpää outside of Helsinki. We had a rather mediocre dinner at a restaurant which charged way too much for the pleasure and then decided to go out for an after dinner drink. The place we went turned out to be one of the two nightclubs in the town... After yelling over the music to be heard, we all decided to go back to the little Irish Pub we had a pre-dinner drink in earlier so we could all actually 1.) hear properly 2.) have a decent conversation without having to yell. Prior to leaving I needed to visit the ladies room. There was a Ladies, Mens and single separate WC in this bar. There was no line for the single loo so I opted for that one. Unfortunately, there was also no sink in which to wash my hands after tending to mother nature's call so I ducked into the ladies room to accomplish the task. As I am washing my hands, back to the door, a woman walks in and says very loudly so that every woman in there stared at me: "HEI! Tä on NAISTEN vessa!" (Hey!, This is the WOMEN's room!) Part of me wanted to crawl into the previously mentioned metal sanctuary and repeat "there's no place like home..there's no place like home" and part of me wanted to kick her. When I turned and said: "Haista vittu, Mä OON NAINEN" (Fuck You, I AM a WOMAN!) the woman just stared at me and proceeded to give me the longest once over in history and promptly harumphed at me... If it wasn't for the fact that I didn't want to get arrested and thrown out of the country I would have kicked her ass right then and there....
...Little did I know..I went back to the table and Marja (one of my friends) was actually in the ladies room when this all happened. She comes back and sits at the table and says to Mira and I: "Okay, which one of you was it?"... Too frickin funny. She was in a stall and KNEW it had to be Mira or I that was in there to elicit such an outburst from someone. I told her it was me..and she said "Nice use of the Finnish Language hon!".... It was then that we noticed that we were being stared at by people... Not even furtively! Openly hostile expressions on their faces...Apparently I had been oblivious to this happening most of the night until Mira said "you haven't noticed we have been getting stared at the whole time?!!"...Um..er...Princess Percepto..that is me.. NOT!
..it is the First time in Finland I have felt openly not welcome somewhere...just like being picked last for kickball...
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6 comments:
God, people can be such jerks sometimes. So just because you're not petite and cute, you're not a woman? Dumbasses.
If it helps you at all, yesterday two Chinese men stopped right in front of me and stared at me from head to toe, discussing my appearance loudly among themselves. I grimaced, they went away.
I'm sorry hon, I know how that feels... You know that.
I know the way I look bothers some people (the ones that are confusd about my gender and the ones that think I'm a racist skinhead) and usually I don't care but sometimes it gets to me too... Same dumb comments, ignorance and plain stupidity and hostility all over again. Wish that people would even come up with something original, not with the same old comments...
People are stupid and I don't like them.
Quite simply that is what happens to the gene pool outside of the susiraija! ;-D
i'll comment on the "good Finnish" to make you feel good.
Now you understand the concept of Ring III marking the limes ;)
Fuckers. I think the best response is to be EXTRA cheery and amused at your table, and play completely oblivious...what are they going to do, stare HARDER? It puts you in a better mood and leaves them looking stupid.
At first it was a bit unsettling, but these days if someone tells me I'm in the wrong bathroom I'm not as surprised, and generally can just laugh at them--so what if they think I'm a guy? "Tämä on NAISTEN vessa!" "Niin ON." Snappier/bitchier people could of course say, "Hyvin huomattu!" the way you'd encourage a little kid who points at a chicken and says, "BIRD!"
I am, alas, not that snappy. But one thing to consider is also, why should this hurt? If someone thinks I'm Swiss instead of Finnish, does that hurt? I know the intention is not as benign, but if the implication is that being mistaken for a man is a shameful thing, I'd like to question that. Yay genderfucking! The world needs more of it. Or just use the men's bathroom. I do occasionally, if the line is too long for the women's. There are benefits. ;P
Not meaning to imply you SHOULDN'T feel hurt. Just trying to help you feel better about the NEXT time it happens (as it will inevitably)
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