..bonus points if ya get THAT reference..
So the bank that we use was bought by a Danish bank (no glaze please), and over the weekend they "re-vamped" their webbank services...well let me tell you this..
THEY SUCK!
Why in the hell would I wanna pay interest on interest you stupid mo-fo's!? Oh and who's bright idea was it to take away the next bill information on my accounts (master card and personal credit line)? I like to know what my bill is before that stupid paper one comes in the mail..and I like to pay it before I get that stupid paper so I can have the self satisfied feeling of tossing the fricking thing out without even having to open it!
Oh..and now i can't figure out in advance the interest deduction on my taxes before the end of the year because they don't itemize the frickin list so I know how much interest was paid...BASTARDS!!!!
Did I mention that I can't even find if they have my standing investment order still in effect??! I mean I realize I am no Bill Gates here...but my paltry sum that goes into my investment account every month has slowly been gathering a few bucks here and there..and in the long term it will be good to have that kind of savings when I give up work life...and now I can't even tell if it is gonna go on the 15th as it used to..
Oh ..and don't even get me started on the fact that our mortgage is due tomorrow and we have no idea what the frickin bill is. We could always see that on-line and make sure that the mortgage money was in the joint account for the auto-go-magic withdrawal..now..no such luck....
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
Monday, March 31, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Must....get...skyone....
I am HUGE Terry Pratchett fan.
The Colour of Magic
Tim Curry as Trymon?! Brilliant! Jeremy Irons as Vetinari!?!? ..Again Brilliant!
Sir David Jason as Rincewind?!?...oh holy hell
Can you say torrent??? ..oh..and a geek too?
In all honesty, Terry Pratchett is one of the few authors that have made me laugh OUT LOUD while reading his work. The man is genius. It is sad that he is now ill, but what a body of work!
The Colour of Magic
Tim Curry as Trymon?! Brilliant! Jeremy Irons as Vetinari!?!? ..Again Brilliant!
Sir David Jason as Rincewind?!?...oh holy hell
Can you say torrent??? ..oh..and a geek too?
In all honesty, Terry Pratchett is one of the few authors that have made me laugh OUT LOUD while reading his work. The man is genius. It is sad that he is now ill, but what a body of work!
Monday, March 10, 2008
Resistance is Futile
..my sug has a blog... :)
Sometimes it is really rough having one's best friend live 7000 miles away with a time diff of 10 hours... Haven't seen SUG in over a year..wicked bummer... Aside from being one of the most cerebrally funny people in the world, she is a pretty darn good Sug to have in your corner when it comes to ANYTHING... We have noticed between us however, that we don't like women very much. Odd statement coming from a softball playin' member of the pink triangle team...but seriously. We can't really stand many women. -I also use to many tripple dot's when trying to express my opinion, but I digress- I personally think it is because we don't suffer infantile and dramatic behavior lightly and the fact that we are just THAT smahhht and funny. What is worse is those women who THINK they are smart and so chic and cool..and AREN'T.
What I think would make the world tilt on its axis, altering life as we know it, is if my SUG, myself, K & D, Mel & Laura, Mira, Michael, and Leb all ended up in the same place at the same time. OH HOLY CONVERGENCE OF THE MEDULLA OBLONGATA POWER PANTHEON BATMAN! - It is disturbing sometimes to think that my favorite people in the world have never met...they just hear about each other from my many many stories.
I have known my SUG since 1993..and I can honestly state that even though I am now 7000 miles away in the land of the frozen north, my Sug will always be my best mate..and i couldn't be prouder to call her friend or call her at 4 am drunk. I seriously think we share the same brain at times.
If you are lucky enough to have a friend that you can be sitting with at a restaurant or in a cafe people watching, drinkin' a Dunkies or just driving around- look at each other give the arched eyebrow and the sardonic smirk - You don't have to say a word..because you both share a brain and have had the exact same thought at the exact same time. The ensuing fit of hysterical laughter and one liners makes your tummy muscles hurt from shaking with mirth.. - Then you my dear reader are one lucky bastid.
I know I am.
Sometimes it is really rough having one's best friend live 7000 miles away with a time diff of 10 hours... Haven't seen SUG in over a year..wicked bummer... Aside from being one of the most cerebrally funny people in the world, she is a pretty darn good Sug to have in your corner when it comes to ANYTHING... We have noticed between us however, that we don't like women very much. Odd statement coming from a softball playin' member of the pink triangle team...but seriously. We can't really stand many women. -I also use to many tripple dot's when trying to express my opinion, but I digress- I personally think it is because we don't suffer infantile and dramatic behavior lightly and the fact that we are just THAT smahhht and funny. What is worse is those women who THINK they are smart and so chic and cool..and AREN'T.
What I think would make the world tilt on its axis, altering life as we know it, is if my SUG, myself, K & D, Mel & Laura, Mira, Michael, and Leb all ended up in the same place at the same time. OH HOLY CONVERGENCE OF THE MEDULLA OBLONGATA POWER PANTHEON BATMAN! - It is disturbing sometimes to think that my favorite people in the world have never met...they just hear about each other from my many many stories.
I have known my SUG since 1993..and I can honestly state that even though I am now 7000 miles away in the land of the frozen north, my Sug will always be my best mate..and i couldn't be prouder to call her friend or call her at 4 am drunk. I seriously think we share the same brain at times.
If you are lucky enough to have a friend that you can be sitting with at a restaurant or in a cafe people watching, drinkin' a Dunkies or just driving around- look at each other give the arched eyebrow and the sardonic smirk - You don't have to say a word..because you both share a brain and have had the exact same thought at the exact same time. The ensuing fit of hysterical laughter and one liners makes your tummy muscles hurt from shaking with mirth.. - Then you my dear reader are one lucky bastid.
I know I am.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Getting my back up!
Where does censorship begin and the right to freedom of speech stop? Recently I have been following items in the news here in Finland over the last few months about an art exhibit being closed, another artist and Time's" Photagrapher of the Year" for 2001 was investigated after a complaint by 7 individuals said that the photographs were an offence against human dignity, website links being blacklisted on the premis of childpornography (which does not contain them btw) and most recently, my friend Phil having a lawsuit filed against him by a filmmaker/publisher for libel due to Phil's blog containing posts and comments about him which he finds insulting and also blaming Phil for the downward turn of his publishing business. (You can read all about it on Phil's blog)
At which point does the line get drawn between freedom of speech and outright sensorship? If someone breaks a law then they have broken a law and most people will say that they need to bear the consequences of their illegal behaviour. However - what would have happened and where would, for example, the US be without Rosa Parks, or Brown v. Board of Education? Rosa defied the "whites only" rule and segregation laws and became the mother of the modern-day civil rights movement in the US - it was ILLEGAL for her do do what she did and the US is a better place for it.
It is my understanding that Finland is a country of freedom of speech which their veterans fought for. A free and independent Finnish State. Where is it illegal for someone to present the facts of their life (in the instance of Mr. Vanhanen's ex-girlie) in a public way? Mr. Vanahnen is sueing Ms. Ruusunen and the publisher for illegally "revealing and spreading private information". According to many sources (and I haven't read the book and have no desire to) - " The narrative of the book is dominated by text messages between Ruusunen and the prime minister.." - Sooo..he writes these things to his girlfriend, she decides to share them and he cries foul. WHATEVER! My opinion is that he, being a politician, is trying to save his bacon - and no amount of - I am filing this as a private citizen and not the Prime Minister - statements will change my mind. Who really gives a crap in the woods what his relationship with this woman was like...certainly not I. However...the point is... why can't she reveal facts about her life..which happen to include him..if she has the text messages from him to prove it factual..then..what is the issue..OH RIGHT..his career..
Art sensorship because of offence to human dignity?? What about Picasso?!??! Some would state that his depiction of women is offensive to the dignity of women. What about pornography?..some would say that pornography is offensive to the dignity of both men and women.. Where does the line get drawn?... Slippery Slope my friends...
And as for Phil's situation - I firmly believe that the filing party will get his whining butt spanked in court..but it is seriously disturbing when the sueing culture which is prevelant in the States makes it to Finland. Freedom of Speech is Freedom of Speech - Ms. Ruusunen is publishing precisely what Mr. Vanhanen wrote..and not some made up tale of what he didn't write. The Artists mentioned here are precisely that..artists, the blocked website was actually one protesting censorship (convenient it was blocked eh?)...and Phil's blog is his experiences and views on Finnish life...
again I ask..where is the line?....
At which point does the line get drawn between freedom of speech and outright sensorship? If someone breaks a law then they have broken a law and most people will say that they need to bear the consequences of their illegal behaviour. However - what would have happened and where would, for example, the US be without Rosa Parks, or Brown v. Board of Education? Rosa defied the "whites only" rule and segregation laws and became the mother of the modern-day civil rights movement in the US - it was ILLEGAL for her do do what she did and the US is a better place for it.
It is my understanding that Finland is a country of freedom of speech which their veterans fought for. A free and independent Finnish State. Where is it illegal for someone to present the facts of their life (in the instance of Mr. Vanhanen's ex-girlie) in a public way? Mr. Vanahnen is sueing Ms. Ruusunen and the publisher for illegally "revealing and spreading private information". According to many sources (and I haven't read the book and have no desire to) - " The narrative of the book is dominated by text messages between Ruusunen and the prime minister.." - Sooo..he writes these things to his girlfriend, she decides to share them and he cries foul. WHATEVER! My opinion is that he, being a politician, is trying to save his bacon - and no amount of - I am filing this as a private citizen and not the Prime Minister - statements will change my mind. Who really gives a crap in the woods what his relationship with this woman was like...certainly not I. However...the point is... why can't she reveal facts about her life..which happen to include him..if she has the text messages from him to prove it factual..then..what is the issue..OH RIGHT..his career..
Art sensorship because of offence to human dignity?? What about Picasso?!??! Some would state that his depiction of women is offensive to the dignity of women. What about pornography?..some would say that pornography is offensive to the dignity of both men and women.. Where does the line get drawn?... Slippery Slope my friends...
And as for Phil's situation - I firmly believe that the filing party will get his whining butt spanked in court..but it is seriously disturbing when the sueing culture which is prevelant in the States makes it to Finland. Freedom of Speech is Freedom of Speech - Ms. Ruusunen is publishing precisely what Mr. Vanhanen wrote..and not some made up tale of what he didn't write. The Artists mentioned here are precisely that..artists, the blocked website was actually one protesting censorship (convenient it was blocked eh?)...and Phil's blog is his experiences and views on Finnish life...
again I ask..where is the line?....
Friday, February 08, 2008
Not just for queens..
Oh my goodness! Must get to Vegas! Go DIVA(s) go! I think I might have apoplexy if I were able to go..3 Divas...I think I am channeling my inner gay boy
From the BBC!
From the BBC!
Cher signs up for Las Vegas run
Cher said she was "happy and proud" to
announce her returnUS singer Cher is to return to the stage for a three-year
engagement at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas.
Cher's 200-show run - which alternates with performances from Bette Midler and Sir Elton John - begins on 6 May at the 4,300-seat Colosseum."I started in Vegas at Caesars so I've come
full circle," the 61-year-old said. "I'm back, and I plan to give my fans the
best experience yet.""I think everybody knows I only do things in a big
way," she added.
'Captivating' The all-new concert will feature 18 dancers and aerial performers, costumes by designer Bob Mackie and "dazzling" special effects.
The show will play four nights a week, with ticket prices
ranging from $95 to $250 (£48 to £128)."Cher's name in one word
encapsulates icon, award-winning legend and captivating performer," said Caesars
Palace president Gary Selesner.Last year Celine Dion completed a mammoth
five-year engagement at the Colosseum, built especially to house her A New Day
concert. Midler's concert, entitled The Showgirl Must Go On, opens at
Caesars Palace on 20 February
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Nail biter
Okay..I am practically down to the nubs here...Super Tuesday is here...Tuesday’s free-for-all is killing me as 43 contests in 24 states allocate 3,156 delegates!
I tried to come up with something witty..but I just can't right now...
except..I am trying to get a friend a job at my company...gotta up the sappho quotient here :)
I tried to come up with something witty..but I just can't right now...
except..I am trying to get a friend a job at my company...gotta up the sappho quotient here :)
Monday, January 28, 2008
Expensive piece of Tail...
From the BBC...
US network faces $1m nudity fine
NYPD Blue ran
on ABC until 2005US
television network ABC may have to pay a fine of $1.4m
(£707,000) for airing an
episode of NYPD Blue which depicted female nudity.
The Federal
Communications Commission (FCC) said the 2003 show had
"multiple, close-up
views" of a woman's buttocks before the US watershed.
The FCC deems "sexual or excretory activities" shown in an "offensive"
way
before 2200 as indecent.
ABC has rejected the claims, saying the
buttocks are not a sexual organ.
The proposed penalty has been imposed on
all 52 of ABC's stations who
broadcast the episode.
The scene in the
police drama, which ran from
1993-2005, shows a boy surprising a naked woman
as she prepared to take a
shower.
The FCC said it received several
complaints about the sequence, which
also showed one of the woman's breasts.
...An ABC spokeswoman said that
the programme was broadcast with
parental warnings and that "the realistic
nature of NYPD Blue's storylines
was well-known to the viewing public".
The
broadcaster has said it will
appeal against the decision, which is the second
largest indecency fine
imposed on a broadcaster.Seriously folks..get over it...MTV shows more in one video than NYPD Blue
EVER had... Oh right...the land of puritans!
Friday, January 25, 2008
Learning my lesson
After the embarassment of having Hale point out that Accuradio incorrectly listed Jon Bon Jovi as the composer of "I Don't Like Mondays" by performing the simple act of using Google and clicking on the Wikipedia site....
Today's 100 Uutislehti (Finnish free newspaper) announced that this guy turned 80 today.. I have done my due diligence before creating this post.
Per Wikipedia:
However:
"The Walt Disney Company celebrates his birth as November 18, 1928"
Now I feel as though I may have redeemed myself in Hale's eyes..she the Icey Bitch (and I say that with love)....
Hurl
Warning: The author cannot with complete certainty state that rambling and a possibly large amount of stream of consciousness writing style will not ensue.
Right..I have not blogged in a while because I just didn't have it in me. I don't need Prozac, but the state of affairs in the world these days have given me such bout of melancholy. So this one might be a bit long. Fasten your seatbelts and please keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times until the ride comes to a complete stop.
Yesterday's blog got my brain neuron(s) firing again a bit. Hopefully, this will lead to more posting from me - because I know you all miss my razor sharp whit and incredible insight into things geo-political , environmental, sociological, as well as my take on the finer points of the over-the-top fashion, big hair styles and the commercialization of music and film era which was the 80's. Admit it. You love me. Who wouldn't? After all..you are only human :)
Okay short(not really) recap of our trip to Beantown:
The first 5 days, and New Year's Eve were M-A-G-I-C!!!! - It was so great to see realtives and dear friends. I happily ate my Boston chinese food favorites on our first eveing. Can you say peking ravioli?? I refuse to call them potstickers! mmmmm yum! Consumed a decent pizza for the first time in 2 years, and had a hella good bottle of wine in the North End that I N-E-V-E-R would have been able to afford here.
However, after the first 5 days, I wanted to get on the first plane back to Helsinki. Seriously, I had the WORST case of reverse culture shock. I was all fine for the beginning, but then I started to become overwhelmed with the noise and the consumer-materialistic-biggerbetterfasternownownow mentality. I think I have become too used to Finnish silence. I enjoy silence these days. I know that sounds odd to those of you who know me personally (being the frickin loud talkaholic that I am)..but doesn't ANYONE shut up there? I also realized how much I have grown (some people would say changed or become euro-trash..but I digress) when I finally noticed exactly how LOUD my family is. My ears hurt. My brain felt assaulted.
And how many choices of cereal does one really need? I mean an entire isle of sugar ladened, processed, not-really-food-but-we-market-it-as-that types of "breakfast cereal"?Granted there were a few "healthy" options..like Raisin Bran which one would think because of the fact that it is Bran would be healthy..untill you look on the side panel and notice how much sugar they have coated the raisins in. Um..rasins are dried grapes...grapes=sweet, natural sugar...HELLO!!! And in the Breakfast isle...PopTarts. Now I can not diss PopTarts as a yummy sugary snack. It is just that. A sugary snack that with NO nutritional value whatsoever..but to put it in the BREAKFAST isle just leaves me baffled. Don't get me started on the portion size for 1 individual at restaurants being big enough for a family of 4 (what a waste of food) along with the 353542 options for side dishes, salad dressing and versions of starch, or the lack of environmentally friendly packages or items..the 345436626265425962 SUV's on the road....
We did do the obiligatory shopping till we dropped (weak dollar)...but after that I was done with it. I love my family and miss them terribly, but I think I can finally say with absolute certainty that I no longer really miss the US.
There are tons of great and wonderful things about the US and I am one of the first people to get my ire up when generalized statements are made about Americans (I find it rude when anyone generalizes ANY culture), but I am much happier here in the land of high taxes, low salaries and unpredictable weather. I am evolving...
- end rant -
And now onto politics... Come on..you knew it was coming!
"WASHINGTON (AFP) - US President George W. Bush and his top officials ran roughshod over the truth in the run-up to the Iraq war lying a total of 935 times, a study released Wednesday found. Bush and his administration "waged a carefully orchestrated campaign of misinformation about the threat posed by Saddam Hussein's Iraq," said the damning report entitled "False Pretenses." According to the Center for Public Integrity, eight administration officials "made at least 935 false statements" about Iraq's possession of weapons of mass destruction, or links to Al-Qaeda, on 532 separate occasions......
.....The US president was found to have made the most false statements referring a total of 260 times to Iraq's supposed weapons of mass destruction and Al-Qaeda's alleged links to the Baghdad regime.
But then-secretary of state Powell only just lagged behind with 254 false communications, said the study by the center's founder Charles Lewis and researchers....."
hmmmm...am I surprised? 260 times and he hasn't been impeached?!?!? Hmmm...blow job=impeachment proceedings; Lying to get into a war which has caused thousands of deaths=Nah not so much.. I just don't understand how this guy can be such a teflon moron.
....I will try to post something more amusing later...i just needed to expunge that from my system...
Right..I have not blogged in a while because I just didn't have it in me. I don't need Prozac, but the state of affairs in the world these days have given me such bout of melancholy. So this one might be a bit long. Fasten your seatbelts and please keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times until the ride comes to a complete stop.
Yesterday's blog got my brain neuron(s) firing again a bit. Hopefully, this will lead to more posting from me - because I know you all miss my razor sharp whit and incredible insight into things geo-political , environmental, sociological, as well as my take on the finer points of the over-the-top fashion, big hair styles and the commercialization of music and film era which was the 80's. Admit it. You love me. Who wouldn't? After all..you are only human :)
Okay short(not really) recap of our trip to Beantown:
The first 5 days, and New Year's Eve were M-A-G-I-C!!!! - It was so great to see realtives and dear friends. I happily ate my Boston chinese food favorites on our first eveing. Can you say peking ravioli?? I refuse to call them potstickers! mmmmm yum! Consumed a decent pizza for the first time in 2 years, and had a hella good bottle of wine in the North End that I N-E-V-E-R would have been able to afford here.
However, after the first 5 days, I wanted to get on the first plane back to Helsinki. Seriously, I had the WORST case of reverse culture shock. I was all fine for the beginning, but then I started to become overwhelmed with the noise and the consumer-materialistic-biggerbetterfasternownownow mentality. I think I have become too used to Finnish silence. I enjoy silence these days. I know that sounds odd to those of you who know me personally (being the frickin loud talkaholic that I am)..but doesn't ANYONE shut up there? I also realized how much I have grown (some people would say changed or become euro-trash..but I digress) when I finally noticed exactly how LOUD my family is. My ears hurt. My brain felt assaulted.
And how many choices of cereal does one really need? I mean an entire isle of sugar ladened, processed, not-really-food-but-we-market-it-as-that types of "breakfast cereal"?Granted there were a few "healthy" options..like Raisin Bran which one would think because of the fact that it is Bran would be healthy..untill you look on the side panel and notice how much sugar they have coated the raisins in. Um..rasins are dried grapes...grapes=sweet, natural sugar...HELLO!!! And in the Breakfast isle...PopTarts. Now I can not diss PopTarts as a yummy sugary snack. It is just that. A sugary snack that with NO nutritional value whatsoever..but to put it in the BREAKFAST isle just leaves me baffled. Don't get me started on the portion size for 1 individual at restaurants being big enough for a family of 4 (what a waste of food) along with the 353542 options for side dishes, salad dressing and versions of starch, or the lack of environmentally friendly packages or items..the 345436626265425962 SUV's on the road....
We did do the obiligatory shopping till we dropped (weak dollar)...but after that I was done with it. I love my family and miss them terribly, but I think I can finally say with absolute certainty that I no longer really miss the US.
There are tons of great and wonderful things about the US and I am one of the first people to get my ire up when generalized statements are made about Americans (I find it rude when anyone generalizes ANY culture), but I am much happier here in the land of high taxes, low salaries and unpredictable weather. I am evolving...
- end rant -
And now onto politics... Come on..you knew it was coming!
"WASHINGTON (AFP) - US President George W. Bush and his top officials ran roughshod over the truth in the run-up to the Iraq war lying a total of 935 times, a study released Wednesday found. Bush and his administration "waged a carefully orchestrated campaign of misinformation about the threat posed by Saddam Hussein's Iraq," said the damning report entitled "False Pretenses." According to the Center for Public Integrity, eight administration officials "made at least 935 false statements" about Iraq's possession of weapons of mass destruction, or links to Al-Qaeda, on 532 separate occasions......
.....The US president was found to have made the most false statements referring a total of 260 times to Iraq's supposed weapons of mass destruction and Al-Qaeda's alleged links to the Baghdad regime.
But then-secretary of state Powell only just lagged behind with 254 false communications, said the study by the center's founder Charles Lewis and researchers....."
hmmmm...am I surprised? 260 times and he hasn't been impeached?!?!? Hmmm...blow job=impeachment proceedings; Lying to get into a war which has caused thousands of deaths=Nah not so much.. I just don't understand how this guy can be such a teflon moron.
....I will try to post something more amusing later...i just needed to expunge that from my system...
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Dude..
It is one of those days where random thoughts and memories are assaulting my brain. I have my headphones in and am listening to a Flock of 80's music on the web. Don't worry if you don't know what I am talking about (accuradio.com), but I am sure you get the 80's part. So there I was grumpy about having to be in the office at 07:15 for a 07:30 for a conference call which I didn't schedule and some moron from the middle of nowhere thought it would be a good idea to have a con call with the US (east coast), London, Helsinki and Munich at 07:30 am GMT +2…yes folks that means 5:30 am for London, 6:30 am for Munic and 12:30am for NY…and to top it off the KEY person who was supposed to be on the call blew us all off...WTF? Sooo..I popped my headphones in and proceeded to launch the aforementioned net radio program so I could have some happy music from my teenage years blaring in my head while I worked on the 36456 things I had to get done this morning…
It must have been karma..what is the first song I hear? None other than the song which forever will be ingrained in my consciousness as a reminder of that horrible time I had growing my hair back out after a rather unfortunate incident involving a recent beauty school graduate and a pair of sheers.. I had an old photo of myself after a bad haircut and made the mistake(?) of showing it to my best friend in the universe Beth. What does this jewel of humanity and scion of compassion say to me upon viewing the commemorative kodachrome?..Sing it with me now…
.."You know, I wish that I had Jessie's girl,
I wish that I had Jessie's girl
I want Jessie's girl,
where can I find a woman like that, like
Jessie's girl,
I wish that I had Jessie's girl,
I want,
I want Jessie's girl..:"
I have told this story before, but for some reason today it just made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants! Here I am alone in my office (because no RESPECTABLE Finn in my company would be here at 7:30 in the morning unless they are crazy)..laughing and singing my tail off…what comes up next in the musical offerings this morning??
Boomtown Rats - "I Don't Like Mondays" -it isn't Monday..but we all get the point..oh and did you know that song was written by Jon Bon Jovi of all people?!?!) edit note: because of Hale's comment..damn Accuradio needs wikipedia..listing Jon Bon Jovi as the frickin composer..ugh!
John Mellencamp - "Rain on the Scarecrow Blood On the Plow" - okay..can that guy change his names MORE times in one life..he is like the orginal PrinceSymbolbacktobeingPrice kinda guy
Hall and Oats - "I Can't Go For That" - nice mullets boys--nuff said
Icicle Works - "Birds Fly (Whisper to a Scream)" - ahhhh liverpudlians
Steve Perry - "Oh Sherri" - the original powerballad singer!..do NOT diss the Perry
VanHalen - "Jump" - aside from being a GREAT song and an anthem of my formative years, there is one thing that disturbs me about this song…remember the video? NO ONE should have to be subjected to seeing Dave in spandex…UGH! Dude..my eyes are bleeding
John Cougar Mellencamp - "Cherry Bomb" - okay..dude quit changing your NAME!!!!
Dude..where is my Champion sweatshirt, pegged jeans, bad cologne and turned up collar of my Izod??!?!?!
All in all it was a decent morning aside from the con-call from hell….
It must have been karma..what is the first song I hear? None other than the song which forever will be ingrained in my consciousness as a reminder of that horrible time I had growing my hair back out after a rather unfortunate incident involving a recent beauty school graduate and a pair of sheers.. I had an old photo of myself after a bad haircut and made the mistake(?) of showing it to my best friend in the universe Beth. What does this jewel of humanity and scion of compassion say to me upon viewing the commemorative kodachrome?..Sing it with me now…
.."You know, I wish that I had Jessie's girl,
I wish that I had Jessie's girl
I want Jessie's girl,
where can I find a woman like that, like
Jessie's girl,
I wish that I had Jessie's girl,
I want,
I want Jessie's girl..:"
I have told this story before, but for some reason today it just made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants! Here I am alone in my office (because no RESPECTABLE Finn in my company would be here at 7:30 in the morning unless they are crazy)..laughing and singing my tail off…what comes up next in the musical offerings this morning??
Boomtown Rats - "I Don't Like Mondays" -it isn't Monday..but we all get the point..oh and did you know that song was written by Jon Bon Jovi of all people?!?!) edit note: because of Hale's comment..damn Accuradio needs wikipedia..listing Jon Bon Jovi as the frickin composer..ugh!
John Mellencamp - "Rain on the Scarecrow Blood On the Plow" - okay..can that guy change his names MORE times in one life..he is like the orginal PrinceSymbolbacktobeingPrice kinda guy
Hall and Oats - "I Can't Go For That" - nice mullets boys--nuff said
Icicle Works - "Birds Fly (Whisper to a Scream)" - ahhhh liverpudlians
Steve Perry - "Oh Sherri" - the original powerballad singer!..do NOT diss the Perry
VanHalen - "Jump" - aside from being a GREAT song and an anthem of my formative years, there is one thing that disturbs me about this song…remember the video? NO ONE should have to be subjected to seeing Dave in spandex…UGH! Dude..my eyes are bleeding
John Cougar Mellencamp - "Cherry Bomb" - okay..dude quit changing your NAME!!!!
Dude..where is my Champion sweatshirt, pegged jeans, bad cologne and turned up collar of my Izod??!?!?!
All in all it was a decent morning aside from the con-call from hell….
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Sloth sloth and more sloth
And from the deep darkness came a sound. Long had the world lain in stillness without even a whisper of indication that the beast still lived. Slumbered it did in the deep dark cold of the north. But no more. Slowly the signs of stirring began..
Yeah..that is about as far as I am gonna go in describing my sloth-like behaviour for the last several months in not only blogging, but life. I wasn't completely inert though..I finally changed companies. After having almost 4 years of frustration and low pay, I was wooed away to join a new firm - same customer, but new firm. The bump in pay is nice, the bonus structure is nice, everything is nice at Nice…so far. I know I am still in the honeymoon phase, but I already have a better sense of feeling valued by my employer.
S
o..now that I have gotten myself sort of moving again..
1.) Go Hillary
2.) Clam Chowder and a decent bagel in t-minus 2 days
3.) Mike's Pastry…yum
4.) English all the time
5.) Shout out - SUGA!
6.) mmmm N82 goodness
And for your amusement (hat tip to Amanda) http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/466/story.cfm?c_id=466&objectid=10481323
Oh..and only in Finland can a guy who sqewered someone be the athlete of the year
..right..not a very creative blog today..but it is all I have in me right now…may blog later today..keep yer eyes peeled..
Yeah..that is about as far as I am gonna go in describing my sloth-like behaviour for the last several months in not only blogging, but life. I wasn't completely inert though..I finally changed companies. After having almost 4 years of frustration and low pay, I was wooed away to join a new firm - same customer, but new firm. The bump in pay is nice, the bonus structure is nice, everything is nice at Nice…so far. I know I am still in the honeymoon phase, but I already have a better sense of feeling valued by my employer.
S
o..now that I have gotten myself sort of moving again..
1.) Go Hillary
2.) Clam Chowder and a decent bagel in t-minus 2 days
3.) Mike's Pastry…yum
4.) English all the time
5.) Shout out - SUGA!
6.) mmmm N82 goodness
And for your amusement (hat tip to Amanda) http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/466/story.cfm?c_id=466&objectid=10481323
Oh..and only in Finland can a guy who sqewered someone be the athlete of the year
..right..not a very creative blog today..but it is all I have in me right now…may blog later today..keep yer eyes peeled..
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Oi vey
Okay, so our tickets weren't 1600 bucks. Try 1800. Called the step-mom and she proceeded to say "Well it is Christmas time and it isn't THAT much." Okay..um..do any of YOU have 1800 bucks just burning a hole in your pocket? So now they are all booked and paid for and we are in Boston from 21 December to 3 January...
I am then informed that Pop has something wrong with his foot and they took him to the ER to get it checked out (swollen and very painful)..Doc takes an X-Ray and proceeds to say that my Papa's foot looks like the foot of a 200 year old man..and that he has something called Charcot's Foot Disease. Thanks to Google I now know it isn't like a fungus or something it is "a progressive degenerative condition that affects the joints in the feet It is associated with nerve damage (neuropathy) that decreases the ability to sense stimuli, including pain, and decreases muscular reflexes that control movement. As a result, the joints in the feet are subjected to repeated trauma and injury, causing progressive damage to the ligaments, cartilage, and bones."
So Papa not only has had his hip replaced, had some sort of blood infection like 3 times in the last year, fell at work in late summer resulting in the ligaments in his elbow to need to be put back where they belong AND now has have his rotator cuff repaired (thanks to Workman's Comp red tape, he has to wait until 13 November to have the surgery which will put him out of work on sick leave for 6 weeks)...but now he gets this foot thing?!?!? WTF!!!!!
I keep trying to get him to retire (he is of retirement age...actually over it at this point), but he won't. If this crap keeps up he may be forcibly put on disability retirement and that would send my ox of a Papa over the edge in my opinion.
At what point in life do the roles of "parent" and "child" become reversed? I am not implying that my father is stupid at all. In fact, he is actually a genius (and passed those genes on to his son but alas not to me), highly educated, speaks several languages, soft spoken (I DEFINITELY didn't get that gene), gentle, kind, compassionate, understanding and all-in-all one heck of a guy that I am lucky and honored to call my Papa. BUT, when does it become necessary, due to his mile-wide stubborn streak and pride becoming a hindrance and a threat to his overall health, for me to step into the role of cajoling, chastising parent? My step-mom has tried and tried and tried to get him to slow down and possibly think about retiring. He side-steps, avoids the issue, flatly refuses, and many other stubborn and idiotic behaviors all to ignore the fact that he should have retired already. 25 years of carrying 30lbs on his back, walking 12 miles and about 30000 stairs a day have taken their toll on his body.
I guess I am concerned that my Papa will, as a result of this stubborn pride, not retire in time to enjoy the rapidly dwindling last 3rd of his life; he will work himself to the point that when he does retire he is no longer able to be mobile enough to enjoy his pastimes (puttering in the garden, golfing, woodworking, etc.) or even worse (heaven forbid) he works himself to the grave.
sheeeesh
I am then informed that Pop has something wrong with his foot and they took him to the ER to get it checked out (swollen and very painful)..Doc takes an X-Ray and proceeds to say that my Papa's foot looks like the foot of a 200 year old man..and that he has something called Charcot's Foot Disease. Thanks to Google I now know it isn't like a fungus or something it is "a progressive degenerative condition that affects the joints in the feet It is associated with nerve damage (neuropathy) that decreases the ability to sense stimuli, including pain, and decreases muscular reflexes that control movement. As a result, the joints in the feet are subjected to repeated trauma and injury, causing progressive damage to the ligaments, cartilage, and bones."
So Papa not only has had his hip replaced, had some sort of blood infection like 3 times in the last year, fell at work in late summer resulting in the ligaments in his elbow to need to be put back where they belong AND now has have his rotator cuff repaired (thanks to Workman's Comp red tape, he has to wait until 13 November to have the surgery which will put him out of work on sick leave for 6 weeks)...but now he gets this foot thing?!?!? WTF!!!!!
I keep trying to get him to retire (he is of retirement age...actually over it at this point), but he won't. If this crap keeps up he may be forcibly put on disability retirement and that would send my ox of a Papa over the edge in my opinion.
At what point in life do the roles of "parent" and "child" become reversed? I am not implying that my father is stupid at all. In fact, he is actually a genius (and passed those genes on to his son but alas not to me), highly educated, speaks several languages, soft spoken (I DEFINITELY didn't get that gene), gentle, kind, compassionate, understanding and all-in-all one heck of a guy that I am lucky and honored to call my Papa. BUT, when does it become necessary, due to his mile-wide stubborn streak and pride becoming a hindrance and a threat to his overall health, for me to step into the role of cajoling, chastising parent? My step-mom has tried and tried and tried to get him to slow down and possibly think about retiring. He side-steps, avoids the issue, flatly refuses, and many other stubborn and idiotic behaviors all to ignore the fact that he should have retired already. 25 years of carrying 30lbs on his back, walking 12 miles and about 30000 stairs a day have taken their toll on his body.
I guess I am concerned that my Papa will, as a result of this stubborn pride, not retire in time to enjoy the rapidly dwindling last 3rd of his life; he will work himself to the point that when he does retire he is no longer able to be mobile enough to enjoy his pastimes (puttering in the garden, golfing, woodworking, etc.) or even worse (heaven forbid) he works himself to the grave.
sheeeesh
Monday, September 10, 2007
Quit yer whinin'
Folks whine asking "Why don't you come visit more often
$1600 for plane tickets. THAT'S WHY!
We are going to Boston for Christmas. It has been almost 2 years since I have seen my family, so it is about ferkin time. The thing that gets me is that my lovely step-mom always asks and whines about when we are coming to visit. Let THEM shell out 1600 buck-a-roos each time and see how often they whine about me not visiting. Not only is it a large amount of samolians, but then the whole christmas presents thing, the getting around (to rent a car or to mooch?..that is the question).. AND 2 very dear friends are getting married (YAY John and Patricia)....needless to say, my folks need to just step the frick back on this. It isn't that we DON'T want to visit, it is just that shelling out that kind of moolah 4 times a year (as they would like it to be) is not in our budget..sheeesh people! How many more slang terms can I use for money in one blog? (rehtorical question folks)
Spoke to SUG this weekend too..Shout out to my West Coast Sistah! Her bday is coming up and she just closed on a condo and will have to be filming in Penn when she should be moving.. Poor SUG..
Work is crap. I hate work. Have I mentioned this before? Oh yeah..only like 32624564236 times...
Got my stitches out today :) Yay. Before you all go all "Oh my. Did you have another one of your graceful moments requiring medical attention" on me, I DID NOT INJURE MYSELF. I had a mole removed from my forearm - like you really wanted to know.... I will have a cute little scar (to add to the 36346243725624 other ones I have from my mis-adventures in life) on my right forearm...
For those of you who are wondering..our dates for being in Boston are 21-Dec to 03 Jan...gotta be there for RRJ and Patricia's hitchin'
...where did that stupid southern accent come from?
$1600 for plane tickets. THAT'S WHY!
We are going to Boston for Christmas. It has been almost 2 years since I have seen my family, so it is about ferkin time. The thing that gets me is that my lovely step-mom always asks and whines about when we are coming to visit. Let THEM shell out 1600 buck-a-roos each time and see how often they whine about me not visiting. Not only is it a large amount of samolians, but then the whole christmas presents thing, the getting around (to rent a car or to mooch?..that is the question).. AND 2 very dear friends are getting married (YAY John and Patricia)....needless to say, my folks need to just step the frick back on this. It isn't that we DON'T want to visit, it is just that shelling out that kind of moolah 4 times a year (as they would like it to be) is not in our budget..sheeesh people! How many more slang terms can I use for money in one blog? (rehtorical question folks)
Spoke to SUG this weekend too..Shout out to my West Coast Sistah! Her bday is coming up and she just closed on a condo and will have to be filming in Penn when she should be moving.. Poor SUG..
Work is crap. I hate work. Have I mentioned this before? Oh yeah..only like 32624564236 times...
Got my stitches out today :) Yay. Before you all go all "Oh my. Did you have another one of your graceful moments requiring medical attention" on me, I DID NOT INJURE MYSELF. I had a mole removed from my forearm - like you really wanted to know.... I will have a cute little scar (to add to the 36346243725624 other ones I have from my mis-adventures in life) on my right forearm...
For those of you who are wondering..our dates for being in Boston are 21-Dec to 03 Jan...gotta be there for RRJ and Patricia's hitchin'
...where did that stupid southern accent come from?
Monday, August 27, 2007
How I spent my Summer Vacation
Right..Random Blog (after the summer hiatus)
Trip Highlights:
1.) Latvia-Lithuania border – border guard thought I was going to walk to Kaunas after Mira drove across the border while I waited for him to stamp my passport..(damn them and their EU passports) – seriously…here is the dialog (after he WATCHED me get off the bike and I handed him my passport – I had taken off my helmet already and Mira and the gang were across already:
Border Guard (upon noticing me standing there sweating to death in my driving gear): “Where you go?”
Me: “Uh. Kaunas”
Border guard looks me up and down. By the way at this point I should mention that he fit every damned stereotype of a border guard every American has seen in those movies from the cold war. Visual: Open shirt with hairy chest and gold chains, sweat stained pits, stubble on the chin, badly fitting trousers which were possibly from his normal job (plumber) and really bad garlic breath
Border Guard (incredulously): “How?”
Me (indicating the 4 other women who just passed him by on motorcycles on the otherside of his wretched border): “With THEM?”
At this point he realized he was an idiot
2.) Lithuania – B&B owner’s husband drove all of us to a restaurant so we could get food and drinks – oh and did you know that "Thank You" in Lithuanian sounds like a sneeze? Seriously..I don’t know how it is spelled in Lithuanian but it is pronounced. Ah-chew
3.) Poland – Who knew an intersection was a place to pass people – they did it on the right, left and sometimes I swear they wanted to go OVER us…oh and speed limit signs are a mere suggestion for the locals..
4.) Germany - driving through rain in which I swear I saw Noah, the Ark and the animals lining up 2 by 2 was an experience I do not wish to repeat. The gathering was great though :) Cold and wet for most of it, but great. I am so fluent in German now.
5.) The Dutch really are nice…except for drunken idiots who steal your taxi causing one of the calmest women I know to swear like a sailor while flipping the bird and having to be held back by her girlfriend. Randomly invited up to a party in someone’s house and then when we get there – there is a person which Hale and Mira met 2 years ago and this person had no idea that we were the people the hosts randomly chose from the street to come up (during the Pride Parade btw).. Pride was AWESOME.. I seriously think that K, D, Mel, Laura, Michael, Derrick and us should do Amsterdam Pride one year…It puts Boston to shame folks…
6.) The Danes – Copenhagen is beautiful. The people are incredibly nice…but damn it is it one flat country…pretty boring to drive through
7.) The Swedes – It should be illegal to have so many beautiful people in one place…oh and if I thought Denmark was boring to drive through…Sweden is the motherload of boring driving…
8.) Turku to Helsinki – after 4710 Km..we had 170 left…wouldn’t you know…40km from home…TORRENTIAL RAINS…again…
Best Part of Summer Vacation…learning I have big healthy boobies….
Trip Highlights:
1.) Latvia-Lithuania border – border guard thought I was going to walk to Kaunas after Mira drove across the border while I waited for him to stamp my passport..(damn them and their EU passports) – seriously…here is the dialog (after he WATCHED me get off the bike and I handed him my passport – I had taken off my helmet already and Mira and the gang were across already:
Border Guard (upon noticing me standing there sweating to death in my driving gear): “Where you go?”
Me: “Uh. Kaunas”
Border guard looks me up and down. By the way at this point I should mention that he fit every damned stereotype of a border guard every American has seen in those movies from the cold war. Visual: Open shirt with hairy chest and gold chains, sweat stained pits, stubble on the chin, badly fitting trousers which were possibly from his normal job (plumber) and really bad garlic breath
Border Guard (incredulously): “How?”
Me (indicating the 4 other women who just passed him by on motorcycles on the otherside of his wretched border): “With THEM?”
At this point he realized he was an idiot
2.) Lithuania – B&B owner’s husband drove all of us to a restaurant so we could get food and drinks – oh and did you know that "Thank You" in Lithuanian sounds like a sneeze? Seriously..I don’t know how it is spelled in Lithuanian but it is pronounced. Ah-chew
3.) Poland – Who knew an intersection was a place to pass people – they did it on the right, left and sometimes I swear they wanted to go OVER us…oh and speed limit signs are a mere suggestion for the locals..
4.) Germany - driving through rain in which I swear I saw Noah, the Ark and the animals lining up 2 by 2 was an experience I do not wish to repeat. The gathering was great though :) Cold and wet for most of it, but great. I am so fluent in German now.
5.) The Dutch really are nice…except for drunken idiots who steal your taxi causing one of the calmest women I know to swear like a sailor while flipping the bird and having to be held back by her girlfriend. Randomly invited up to a party in someone’s house and then when we get there – there is a person which Hale and Mira met 2 years ago and this person had no idea that we were the people the hosts randomly chose from the street to come up (during the Pride Parade btw).. Pride was AWESOME.. I seriously think that K, D, Mel, Laura, Michael, Derrick and us should do Amsterdam Pride one year…It puts Boston to shame folks…
6.) The Danes – Copenhagen is beautiful. The people are incredibly nice…but damn it is it one flat country…pretty boring to drive through
7.) The Swedes – It should be illegal to have so many beautiful people in one place…oh and if I thought Denmark was boring to drive through…Sweden is the motherload of boring driving…
8.) Turku to Helsinki – after 4710 Km..we had 170 left…wouldn’t you know…40km from home…TORRENTIAL RAINS…again…
Best Part of Summer Vacation…learning I have big healthy boobies….
Friday, July 06, 2007
oh yeah..
http://youtube.com/watch?v=NN-eGOtBGbg
BRILLIANT!!!! Until they get the frickin video posting crap done on this site... I am posting this picture and the link to it. It made me cheer!
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Ping...ping..
Right..I figured I would finally put another post up here...Sorry to have been so silent, but I have just finished a 1650 km motorcycle trip pretty much around Finland. Spent last week at Satu's cottage all relaxin an shiznit... This weekend is MidSummer here and will be with Suvi and Päivi at their cottage... Then it is 4 weeks until we head on the trip around Europe on the motorbike...
Estonia
Latvia
Lithuania
Poland
Czech Republic
Germany (spending 4 days there at the WIMA rally)
Amsterdam (4 days there for Amsterdam Pride!)
Copenhagen (to seeMiia, Anna and Saimi)
Stockholm
and finally back to Helsinki...
my bum is gonna hurt....
Estonia
Latvia
Lithuania
Poland
Czech Republic
Germany (spending 4 days there at the WIMA rally)
Amsterdam (4 days there for Amsterdam Pride!)
Copenhagen (to seeMiia, Anna and Saimi)
Stockholm
and finally back to Helsinki...
my bum is gonna hurt....
Thursday, May 24, 2007
With friends like these...
Ahhh the joy of having Sug for a best friend... This is a blast from the way back machine...
49 things you should know about Fusche's butt
1. It's big.
2. It's really big.
3. It has more crater scars than the Sea of Tranquility.
4. It has disasterous El Nino implications.
5. It inspires tectonic shifting.
6. Downstairs neighbors get flooded out on a regular basis when the butt
hits the bathtub.
7. It has been officially recognized as a Terran Celestial Body.
8. Butt prints from Fusche on the beach have been mistaken as the mating
ground of two large walruses.
9. When sunning herself on the beach, well meaning environmentalists have
doused her butt with buckets of water and tried to push her back into the
surf.
10. Inspired movie: The Revenge of the Butt Monster! "SEE the monster eat
small villages, SEE small villagers crushed beneath the cheeks"
11. The hidden meaning to "Twin Peaks"
12. It's really, really big.
13. Standing downwind during a bean festival has been mistaken for the
Santa Anna winds - disasterous fires have developed.
14. No Movie Seat can hold her.
15. No Airplane can accomodate her.
16. No man can tame that butt - without a chair and a crane anyway.
17. The butt has tipped the scales on many a near fatal elevator accident
due to exceeding Max. load.
18. The butt, while swimming has been mistaken for, twin icebergs, alien
spacecraft and seismic anomalies.
19. It's really, really, really big.
20. The Geneva Convention has a Fusche Butt Clause.
21. There was some debate for a time whether Karl Malden's nose or Fusche's
Butt was larger in proportion by body part. Fusche won, butts down.
22. Iraq has developed Fushe's butt into a powerful biological weapon which
has been banned by NATO.
23. NATO has a special Fusche butt disaster recovery team in case Fusche's
butt should ever be detonated by accident.
24. Fusche has been banned to travel to poor starving countries, the
resulting panic of the natives chasing her with spears shouting "We could
eat for a year on that" has local officials terrified.
25. Group of Prospectors STILL looking for the Mother Lode.
26. The Bermuda Triangle is actually the zone from the middle of Fusche's
back to the bottom of each cheek.
27. NASA planning a 1999 exploration of Fusche's butt called the
Ballooner-probe.
28. Fusche's butt is the only organic structure visible from orbit.
29. Only natural formation known to be bigger than Russ Manzer's head.
30. It's really, really, really big.
31. Most acoustically perfect rump known to mankind.
32. Beluga whales have been known to swim 3000 miles out of their
territories to court Fusche's butt.
33. Stray sounds from Fusche's butt have been known to cause Pods of
Humpback whales to beach themselves in search of Pod-mates in distress.
34. The San Andreas fault was created during an unfortunate Fusche Slip and
Fall incident which incidentally is the only Liability Case on record where
the injured party is the State of California as opposed to the individual
who did the falling. Fusche is expected to pay 2.3 Billion in damages.
35. Janet Reno has appointed a special investigator to find out if Fusche's
butt is actually responsible for many outbreaks of Road-Rage.
36. A recent medical study has proven the grass roots theory that living
near Fusche's butt has the same medical ramifications as living near High
Power Overhead Lines.
37. Q: If Fusche's butt is loaded on a train in Memphis at 12:00 PM and
heads north at 56 mph, when will it arrive in Cleveland?
A: Hah, trick question, Fusche's butt won't fit on a train.
38. It's really, really, really, really big.
39. Was the secret weapon used by Reagan to free the Iran hostages: "Now
Ayatollah, play nice, or I drop Fusche's Butt on you." The hostages were
free within 3 hours.
40. An 'all clear' klaxon must be sounded before Fusche can sit down just
in case any small countries like Luxembourg are in the way.
41. 49 Cultists committed suicide determined to gain access to the alien
mother ship that is hiding in the shadow of Fusche's Butt. NASA determined
the investigation too risky when 53 probes were launched at the butt and
lost in an attempt to prove or disprove the spaceship theory.
42. When Fusche was a baby, her mother had a really hard time finding
diapers the size of Rhode Island every 1.5 hours. The economies of three
small countries were sacrificed to try and keep the offending rump covered.
43. The Siberian Tunguska (spelling?) Blast of 1908 was actually caused by
an unfortunate Fusche feeding frenzy involving truckloads of refried beans.
44. Conspiracy Theory: The Titanic did not hit an iceberg, it was struck by
the SS FuscheButt, a diabolical Naval Weapon developed by Otto Von Bismark
to ensure German Naval Superiority in the inevitable World Wars. The SS
FuscheButt was later scuttled to make way for the Nuclear Powered Fuschka
Buttka, the largest warship ever manufactured.
45. Used as a Object Model for Microsoft Windows '98.
46. The theory is that Ancient Egyptians, when designing the pyramids and
temples, practiced their stone lugging technique on Fusche's butt, the
biggest and heaviest thing they could get their hands on. Stonehenge was
created in a similar fashion.
47. Fusche's Butt is featured in 49 New England Sky Reports as being the
most popular set of Camelbacks in the region.
48. 149 Skiers were lost last year skiing the triple Black Diamond Trails
known as Fusche's Twins, The Crevice of Doom and the Ever popular Fusches
Frenzy, a three mile drop straight into what's known as The Pit of Despair.
All of these trails are on Mount FuscheButt.
49. It's really, really, really, really, really big
49 things you should know about Fusche's butt
1. It's big.
2. It's really big.
3. It has more crater scars than the Sea of Tranquility.
4. It has disasterous El Nino implications.
5. It inspires tectonic shifting.
6. Downstairs neighbors get flooded out on a regular basis when the butt
hits the bathtub.
7. It has been officially recognized as a Terran Celestial Body.
8. Butt prints from Fusche on the beach have been mistaken as the mating
ground of two large walruses.
9. When sunning herself on the beach, well meaning environmentalists have
doused her butt with buckets of water and tried to push her back into the
surf.
10. Inspired movie: The Revenge of the Butt Monster! "SEE the monster eat
small villages, SEE small villagers crushed beneath the cheeks"
11. The hidden meaning to "Twin Peaks"
12. It's really, really big.
13. Standing downwind during a bean festival has been mistaken for the
Santa Anna winds - disasterous fires have developed.
14. No Movie Seat can hold her.
15. No Airplane can accomodate her.
16. No man can tame that butt - without a chair and a crane anyway.
17. The butt has tipped the scales on many a near fatal elevator accident
due to exceeding Max. load.
18. The butt, while swimming has been mistaken for, twin icebergs, alien
spacecraft and seismic anomalies.
19. It's really, really, really big.
20. The Geneva Convention has a Fusche Butt Clause.
21. There was some debate for a time whether Karl Malden's nose or Fusche's
Butt was larger in proportion by body part. Fusche won, butts down.
22. Iraq has developed Fushe's butt into a powerful biological weapon which
has been banned by NATO.
23. NATO has a special Fusche butt disaster recovery team in case Fusche's
butt should ever be detonated by accident.
24. Fusche has been banned to travel to poor starving countries, the
resulting panic of the natives chasing her with spears shouting "We could
eat for a year on that" has local officials terrified.
25. Group of Prospectors STILL looking for the Mother Lode.
26. The Bermuda Triangle is actually the zone from the middle of Fusche's
back to the bottom of each cheek.
27. NASA planning a 1999 exploration of Fusche's butt called the
Ballooner-probe.
28. Fusche's butt is the only organic structure visible from orbit.
29. Only natural formation known to be bigger than Russ Manzer's head.
30. It's really, really, really big.
31. Most acoustically perfect rump known to mankind.
32. Beluga whales have been known to swim 3000 miles out of their
territories to court Fusche's butt.
33. Stray sounds from Fusche's butt have been known to cause Pods of
Humpback whales to beach themselves in search of Pod-mates in distress.
34. The San Andreas fault was created during an unfortunate Fusche Slip and
Fall incident which incidentally is the only Liability Case on record where
the injured party is the State of California as opposed to the individual
who did the falling. Fusche is expected to pay 2.3 Billion in damages.
35. Janet Reno has appointed a special investigator to find out if Fusche's
butt is actually responsible for many outbreaks of Road-Rage.
36. A recent medical study has proven the grass roots theory that living
near Fusche's butt has the same medical ramifications as living near High
Power Overhead Lines.
37. Q: If Fusche's butt is loaded on a train in Memphis at 12:00 PM and
heads north at 56 mph, when will it arrive in Cleveland?
A: Hah, trick question, Fusche's butt won't fit on a train.
38. It's really, really, really, really big.
39. Was the secret weapon used by Reagan to free the Iran hostages: "Now
Ayatollah, play nice, or I drop Fusche's Butt on you." The hostages were
free within 3 hours.
40. An 'all clear' klaxon must be sounded before Fusche can sit down just
in case any small countries like Luxembourg are in the way.
41. 49 Cultists committed suicide determined to gain access to the alien
mother ship that is hiding in the shadow of Fusche's Butt. NASA determined
the investigation too risky when 53 probes were launched at the butt and
lost in an attempt to prove or disprove the spaceship theory.
42. When Fusche was a baby, her mother had a really hard time finding
diapers the size of Rhode Island every 1.5 hours. The economies of three
small countries were sacrificed to try and keep the offending rump covered.
43. The Siberian Tunguska (spelling?) Blast of 1908 was actually caused by
an unfortunate Fusche feeding frenzy involving truckloads of refried beans.
44. Conspiracy Theory: The Titanic did not hit an iceberg, it was struck by
the SS FuscheButt, a diabolical Naval Weapon developed by Otto Von Bismark
to ensure German Naval Superiority in the inevitable World Wars. The SS
FuscheButt was later scuttled to make way for the Nuclear Powered Fuschka
Buttka, the largest warship ever manufactured.
45. Used as a Object Model for Microsoft Windows '98.
46. The theory is that Ancient Egyptians, when designing the pyramids and
temples, practiced their stone lugging technique on Fusche's butt, the
biggest and heaviest thing they could get their hands on. Stonehenge was
created in a similar fashion.
47. Fusche's Butt is featured in 49 New England Sky Reports as being the
most popular set of Camelbacks in the region.
48. 149 Skiers were lost last year skiing the triple Black Diamond Trails
known as Fusche's Twins, The Crevice of Doom and the Ever popular Fusches
Frenzy, a three mile drop straight into what's known as The Pit of Despair.
All of these trails are on Mount FuscheButt.
49. It's really, really, really, really, really big
Friday, May 18, 2007
Put down the prozac
Okay people. You can officially put down the prozac now. Thanks for the outpouring of support and offers of physical abuse to make me feel better. I have yanked the proverbial bootstraps, had myself a good cry and am back to my usual snarky self.
So while surfing the web I came across this.
So while surfing the web I came across this.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Puh
Okay. Normally I am a wisecracking smartass, but lately, not so much. Blue is the color of my soul right now; a deep midnight blue. I know that sounds incredibly melodramatic, cliché and disgustingly weak, but right now I am not at my best. I have been fighting severe homesickness and a host of other emotions which I find difficult to label. There are silly bouts of crying in the middle of the night when I wake up from a nightmarish dream of epic proportions which I am then unable to remember 5 minutes later but am simply left with an indescribably morose feeling of isolation and hopelessness. I feel, ala Moonstruck, someone should slap me and say “Snap out of it!” The thing is that even though that would probably be appropriate right now, I would most likely collapse in a heap and just weep. I guess it doesn’t help that my Papa has been fighting a blood poisoning type thing for the 4th time, my Mom’s doctors just found a lump in her breast and something 2cm in diameter which is “concerning” on her ovary, my Grams has an ulcerated wound on her foot that won’t heal and the antibiotics they have her 88 year old self on are making her hurl like a frat boy during Rush week, I haven’t been back to see my family in 18 months and won’t be able to get back until freaking Christmas so that will make 2 years since I have seen my papa, stepmom, bro and the rest of my clan, and work is giving me as much stress as I can possibly handle and most likely too much at this point. Tack on that 3 friends are getting married and we are booked to the rafters with wedding things (like bachelorette parties and the actual weddings), I am 5000 miles away from my family and can do nothing to help any of them, I haven’t actually had a holiday holiday since last year sometime in the summer (Portugal I think), and the usual life stresses about money and crap…and I feel like I wanna just curl up in a ball and tell the world to take a hike.
The problem is that when I get blue or stressed, I close down. Mira, Sug, K and most of my other longtime chosen family members can tell you that I clam up tighter than heck. I pretty much disengage from the world around me. It is my coping mechanism. The problem I have is that I know I am shutting down and it is the only way I know how to process things, but it is terribly unfair to those around me and especially to the Finn.
I know that “this too shall pass”, but right now I just wanna tell the universe to FUCK OFF.
And before you all start getting all intervention on me, I will be fine. I will get through this and come out the other side...just may take a bit..
The problem is that when I get blue or stressed, I close down. Mira, Sug, K and most of my other longtime chosen family members can tell you that I clam up tighter than heck. I pretty much disengage from the world around me. It is my coping mechanism. The problem I have is that I know I am shutting down and it is the only way I know how to process things, but it is terribly unfair to those around me and especially to the Finn.
I know that “this too shall pass”, but right now I just wanna tell the universe to FUCK OFF.
And before you all start getting all intervention on me, I will be fine. I will get through this and come out the other side...just may take a bit..
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