Officially according to me Kristin Thomas shall now be known as the venerable Kristin "I am smarter than those silly people in white lab coats" Thomas a.k.a Dr. K. I have visited the very nice IwentToMedicalSchoolSoIShouldKnowWhatYouHave person at the hospital today to get the results of my bone marrow test. It turns out (and I have an officially signed paper to prove it) that I should have listened to K all along. I am certified as a Freak. I am an exception to the rule of white blood cell counts. The standard deviation of a white blood cell count is + or - 2% in the general population. Meaning at least 2 % of the population is either above or below the standard "acceptable" range when it comes to your white blood cells.
My Dr. confirmed to me today what K has said all along: "You have lesbian cooties and are a freak." It is true. My Dr (all Harvard edgumakayted and crap) told me that I am the execption even to the standard deviation rule. My white blood cell count is just, for me, normally and genetically twice that of everyone else. I am 100% healthy...and a freak of nature.
I should have listend to K in the first place. Then I wouldn't have had to have steel instruments stuck into my bones, x-rays, ultra sounds, blood tests galore and I wouldn't have had to travel to a bazillion doctor's appointments.
oooooohhhh I have cooties!!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 comments:
wow... official documents that state you are a freak? You are my hero!! :) Glad it is just normal freaky you and nothing serious!!!
DUDE, awesome. Knew you were a freak, who'd ever have thought they'd find a way to measure it?!
Awesome! I can just see the countless situations were you can just say: hey, I'm a freak and I have the papers to prove it.
I'm glad you turnes out to be a freak and nothing else. Even if it meant going to see all those doctors and getting poked at with gigantic needles.
Since I was recently declared a meager but still noteworthy .5 on the lesbian scale, I say with all my newfound authority that lesbian cooties rock. You go girl. Give those silly doctors a run for their money. :)
Mel: awww..don't make me blush..Hero is a bit strong :)
Hale: No more frickin Needles!
Sug: DUDE...there is SO a way to measure it. I think the lesbian cooties are affected by my giant Fusche Butt.
Sarah: Rock on with your .5 lesbian percentage :)
I am all about taking advantage of the not-paying for my health care and making them spend money determining I am a freak :)
I'm glad you're a freak. Both because that makes you more fun to know and because I'm glad you're healthy.
-Patricia
Yer Giant Fusche Butt has lesbian cooties too and it scares me.
SUGA!
Nice one SUG..
SUGA FOR YOU!!!
First, I am THRILLED to know that you are healthy. So friggin' sick of sick people (especially since it's always me)....that being said the fun part about this is that I can be known as Dr. K from here on out. I think I should be given an honorary doctorate from some high falutin Medical School, so I can use it in an official capacity as well. I think a letter to Harvard with your official freak documents attached might be in order.
Love you!!
Post a Comment