Okay..strange title I know. But all that was going through my head today was Simon and Garfunkle's "Sound of Silence". It was kind of ironic actually. Okay morbid. If you have been reading this blog for a while, you know about the upteenmillion doctor's I have had to go see and the bazillion tests I have had to figure out why the hell my white blood cell count is over 100% higher than it should be. Yep, you guessed it..I had another test today. Let me just say that at least this internal specialist was honest with me when she said "This will hurt." No sugar coated "you may experience mild discomfort" crap. When a doctor says "you may experience mild discomfort", they mean pain. Plain and simple...pain.
...so back to Morbid. The test I had was a bone marrow test. The doctor who is treating me speaks English beautifully, but she wanted me to be sure I understood the test, so she asked me to look it up and make sure her description matched the one I found. Gotta love WebMD : "A bone marrow biopsy uses a special tool that twists into the bone. You may feel pressure at the site and hear a crunching sound as the tool twists into the bone " CRUNCHING?!?!?! CRUNCHING?!?! What the fuck!!?! (pardon my language). Not only that...I get the extra special: "In rare cases, a fluid sample is removed from the breastbone.."
And then I see this part about possible Risks: "Injury to your heart, a lung, or a major blood vessel if the sample is taken from the breastbone (sternum). However, most bone marrow samples are not taken from the breastbone, so this problem is not common. " - tell that to my sternum buddy!
Yes folks, they twisted a giant frickin pointy metal tube into my sternum this morning and then stuck a frickin long ass needle and pointy other thing and snipped and sucked out stuff that shouldn't be on the outside of ANYONE's body at any time. Not only that, the first sample wasn't enough..they had to do it TWICE! Lemme just tell ya..that shit don't tickle.
The whole time...I am hearing the crunching noise of my breastbone being drilled into fucking Paul Simon singing "..it's the sound...of Silence.." is going through my fucking head! This test hurt like a mo-fo and now I have this strange sensation of my sternum weighing MORE than it did before not to mention a nice hole in the middle of my chest. Doc says it's normal. Okay so was my Pulp Fiction-type nightmare -complete with John Travolta slamming one giagundo frickin needle in to my chest normal too?
...right...results on the 13th of December...
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3 comments:
Wow, Steph - sorry to hear all that. I hope you figure out what's going on soon. Post the results please. And take care of yourself :)
Have you explained to your beautiful english speaking doctor that it is simply a case of lesbian cooties? You might save your self some of these awful tests, not to mention having the sound of silence stuck in your head.
Thanks Sarah and Mel for making me smile and laugh respectively.
I have explained to my lovely Doctor (she is a hottie btw) that I probably have a case of the Yankee/Lesbian cooties and she smiled and laughed. I suppose having your breasts (BOOBIES!!) exposed to a really cute female Dr isn't all that bad... if only she wasn't shoving a giant needley-thinger into my chest at the time...
:)
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